Dragon's tears
falling, falling,
caught.
burning coolness
hold on tight
blistering palms
don't scream...
song formed on my lips
Sansa Ku Ma!
Bits of the tear melted away.
My voice a mix of every emotion on this earth.
Ne Nay Nu!
The tear swished in my arms embrace,
Forming the shape I needed so badly.
Che Che Ku Ku Ma!
Suddenly, the tear started to breathe,
pain went away
and in its stead,
A baby dragon slept.
at peace,
and that my friends,
is what she would bring.
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
This piece is very interesting, and it makes you wonder what comes next, though I know it may be a prologue and poem, but I suggest that you reveal a bit more information on thee story, it will make people want to find more about it, though wont just think it is a random poem, I suggest you put the poem there, then underneath maybe a couple of paragraphs, telling use about the story, it will help the story continue.
Also the bit with the random words, (Che Che Ku Ku Ma!) I personally have read a lot of spell/dragon books and I believe what makes the spells, or whatever these are sound better is if instead of short little words, large words that, make the story flow more, if you understand what I mean.
besides that, this is a really good start, and I would greatly appreciate if you tell me when you plan to write the story. Thumbs up!!
Jack
Thanks, the "Che che ku ku ma" part is actually straight out of a song, one of those things you learn in kindergarten and never forget.
This is a very gripping peace of work. A good prologue. I like how you have used free verse to turn the poem into a story, making it more meaningful. You have used a variation of short and long lines throughout leaving a memorable impact on the structure of the poem. However if you were to make it a more detailed piece then it would be even better. I feel like it is leaning closer toward a poem than a prologue but all the same it is interesting and makes the reader want more-a win, win.
Thats all from me,
Godly
I can't wait to see what this leads to! Just make sure you check capitalization errors, which in this case there are very few.
<3 -Elizabeth