Published October 29, 2014
Dragon's tears
falling, falling,
caught.
burning coolness
hold on tight
blistering palms
don't scream...
song formed on my lips
Sansa Ku Ma!
Bits of the tear melted away.
My voice a mix of every emotion on this earth.
Ne Nay Nu!
The tear swished in my arms embrace,
Forming the shape I needed so badly.
Che Che Ku Ku Ma!
Suddenly, the tear started to breathe,
pain went away
and in its stead,
A baby dragon slept.
at peace,
and that my friends,
is what she would bring.
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140,206 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
This piece is very interesting, and it makes you wonder what comes next, though I know it may be a prologue and poem, but I suggest that you reveal a bit more information on thee story, it will make people want to find more about it, though wont just think it is a random poem, I suggest you put the poem there, then underneath maybe a couple of paragraphs, telling use about the story, it will help the story continue.
Also the bit with the random words, (Che Che Ku Ku Ma!) I personally have read a lot of spell/dragon books and I believe what makes the spells, or whatever these are sound better is if instead of short little words, large words that, make the story flow more, if you understand what I mean.
besides that, this is a really good start, and I would greatly appreciate if you tell me when you plan to write the story. Thumbs up!!
Jack
Thanks, the "Che che ku ku ma" part is actually straight out of a song, one of those things you learn in kindergarten and never forget.
This is a very gripping peace of work. A good prologue. I like how you have used free verse to turn the poem into a story, making it more meaningful. You have used a variation of short and long lines throughout leaving a memorable impact on the structure of the poem. However if you were to make it a more detailed piece then it would be even better. I feel like it is leaning closer toward a poem than a prologue but all the same it is interesting and makes the reader want more-a win, win.
Thats all from me,
Godly
I can't wait to see what this leads to! Just make sure you check capitalization errors, which in this case there are very few.
<3 -Elizabeth