I am a plant,
in the garden of society.
They cut me off leaf by leaf,
So I conform to their requirements.
But one night,
I spring back,
every leaf,
every branch,
society took away from me is back.
All the feelings are there, pounding at the back of my eyes.
I let them go,
finally, after may years,
this one plant has grown.
I can now prune myself!
Society has no control over my growth,
My firm branches break their scissors, break their shears.
I explode into a ball of life,
and finally,
I bloom.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I can't help but love all of your work! Oh my god, you! ><
Hehe, thanks!
Meep...
This is featured.
Beautiful poem Kelpies! Keep it up!
Thanks!
Hello, Kelpies! I can't explain something, but I'll do my best. I LOVED THOS POEM OMIGOSH CAN IT BE MORE PERFECT YOU HAVE TO KEEP WRITING LIKE THIS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There. That's my best expression of my feelings.
Keep writing as well!
Now for the nitpicks. You only had one, but looking back on cleverclogs's review I think I agree with her greatly. But for uniqueness, here's my own. When you say "...every branch, society took away from me is back.", I think you need the word "everything" before "society".
"But one night,
I spring back,
every leaf,
every branch,
society took away from me is back."
But other than that, I can't love it more, and you are a great writer as well as a friend. Keep being awesome, and maybe I'll see a book by you someday or a poem, if I ever learn your actual name.
-wisegirl22
Thanks! I really needed that critique. And if you see a book by someone with the first name of a rather popular Dreamworks Princess, it might be me.
Ummmm, who? Which princess? Do you mean a Disney Princess, or what?
A rather famous ogress.
Oh.
Wow! This really is a great poem! I loved the metaphor for society and the emotion you put into it. The last line was absolute perfection. It was just so powerful. There's really not a whole lot to say about this. I love it how it is. However, since this is a review, I'd better make a few suggestions for improvement.
On the second line in this quote, I feel like it might flow a bit smoother if you either added "and" as a transition or ended the sentence. It's hard to say though, because poetry is always able to bend the rules a bit. That's my opinion, though.
The "eyes" thing doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to me here. You've been using plants as a metaphor this whole poem, and then you introduce a human characteristic. It sort of upsets the metaphor. Maybe you could replace it with a more plant-like feature.
Also, one typo (I think).
Did you mean to say "many" here?
That was all I found. Otherwise, this is a fantastic poem. It's very dramatic and emotional, and just about everyone can relate. The extended metaphor was clever as well, and helped shape the whole thing, making it wonderful to read. Great job!
Yea... And thanks!
This is a fantastic poem, I really like it!! It's a great analogy and it makes sense, even though we are totally different than plants... You're very good at writing poems. I wish I could write this well
Thanks! It's kind of a metaphor...
I greatly applaud your work. It is amazing. I love writing poetry, but you are really good! Where did you get the idea from? I find oftentimes that I can't write without a inspiration. I think that you put a lot of thought and emotion into that work. Once again, I applaud you.
I am the plant, and Thanks!
You're welcome.
Hello there! Unknown391625 here with another review!
Ok, this is great! Love it, love it! It tells about a plants life. It's awesome! The words you put it in, it sounded dramatic. But I love that. It doesn't rhyme though. In fact, you put it in great words, so it doesn't need to rhyme. Excellent! Love it! Anyways, you categorized the genres and the age rating perfectly. I definitely agree with you. Anyways overall, good job with this simple, dramatic, and amazing poem! I will look for more of your poetry. Don't give up and always write!
-Unknown391625
Thanks.