Lighthouse
Is this the place where I once stood,
With pure white dress and navy hood,
To watch the tumbling of the waves,
Bring in quantities of old driftwood?
Wondering if pieces such,
Were from the ship that I missed much.
The one that struck some distant shore,
The one the dreadful wind did clutch.
If only the lighthouse had been lit!
The message of danger to transmit!
Thence the ship would have be saved,
But for the folly of the lighthouse half-wit.
My lighthouse never turned dark.
Here no ship received a mark.
Why could it not have been on this very shore?
Where it could have seen this clear landmark.
No use crying over events of the past.
For it was this place where I stood steadfast.
When the news had reached me swift and fast.
That the breath he breathed had been his last.
Thinking, “So long oh shore and lighthouse keen!
Farewell oh ocean and beautiful scene.
For I’ll not return, I’m leaving now.
To deal with dreadful unforeseen.”
Years have past but I remember still,
Struggling up the steep little hill.
To release the tears I had kept inside,
Of being taken away against my will.
Here the anger held so long,
I seemed to release with a simple song.
For I was young and so headstrong.
Could I perhaps have been wrong.
Hi there! I'm Sarah, I'll be your reviewer today
I really love this poem, and the rhyme scheme was an unusual, refreshing kind of different.
"Is this the place where I once stood, (I love the question at the beginning)
With pure white dress and navy hood,
To watch the tumbling of the waves,
Bring in quantities of old driftwood? (Quantities seems a bit awkward here. Try "loads" or "piles"?)
Wondering if pieces such,
Were from the ship that I missed much.
The one that struck some distant shore,
The one the dreadful wind did clutch.
If only the lighthouse had been lit!
The message of danger to transmit!
Thence the ship would have be saved,
But for the folly of the lighthouse half-wit. (The meter here is just a tad bit off)
My lighthouse never turned dark.
Here no ship received a mark.
Why could it not have been on this very shore?
Where it could have seen this clear landmark. (Rhymed mark with mark.. That can get a bit obnoxious :c)
No use crying over events of the past.
For it was this place where I stood steadfast.
When the news had reached me swift and fast. (Eek! Not only did you rhyme fast with fast, you made the rhyme scheme AAAA instead of AABA! I'm sure it can be fixed, though!)
That the breath he breathed had been his last.
Thinking, “So long oh shore and lighthouse keen!
Farewell oh ocean and beautiful scene.
For I’ll not return, I’m leaving now.
To deal with dreadful unforeseen.” (Not the same word that you rhymed, but the same sound and pretty much the same word. This is okay, though. Not as bad as that last one!)
Years have past but I remember still,
Struggling up the steep little hill.
To release the tears I had kept inside,
Of being taken away against my will. (My favorite stanza. Beautiful <3)
Here the anger held so long,
I seemed to release with a simple song.
For I was young and so headstrong.
Could I perhaps have been wrong." (Messed up the rhyme scheme again here, but no worries, this can be fixed, too c:)
I really liked this poem. To me, it sort of resembles a love that someone never had. The ship resembles someone the speaker wants, and the other lighhouse resembles someone else. Maybe the wanted got hurt and torn apart by a careless person, while the person at the safe lighthouse was thinking about how, if the wanted had been with them, they would have taken better care of him or her
I like the message, and I'm definitely going to remember this poem!
You did a really, really nice job with this. I can't wait to read more from you
~Sarah
Great thanks! I'll edit it and re-post it. I was actually doing a Robert Frost mimic so I'm trying to remember why I did the messed up rhyming there. But thanks for the review!
Sorry about that last post. My bad ^^"