An Act of Humility

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An Act of Humility

“Wow! I bet you’re excited!” says my best friend Amaya Lewis. We both are jumping up and down. You’d think I’d be used to Opening Night but we still go nuts with each new movie that comes out. I can’t count how many times I’ve been in one. Last time I checked it was somewhere around twenty-two movies total. I look at Amaya. She looks really pretty tonight, wearing a long purple dress almost to her ankles. I envy her for being petite and very thin. I’m thin too, but I’m too tall. I’m wearing a long pine-green dress with gold belt and shoes. Earlier Amaya said I looked like an opera singer. I just laughed.

We take our seats at the front of the theater. I sit with co-star Jordan Kenton on my right, and Amaya on my left. I look behind me to see if my parents are in the crowd. I can’t see from here but I’m almost sure they’re there. They almost never miss an Opening night.

The thing about me is that I’m not just an actress. I actually started out as a singer and then added in the acting part. Acting is easy once you know how to sing. My agent likes to make  me sing the theme song from the movie after Opening Night. She says it’s something special for the audience. I had been practicing all afternoon to get my voice just right. I’m nervous because since this is the very first showing of this movie, the theater is packed! I reach to grab Jordan’s hand for some assurance which I promptly get. The lights dim and I see my name, Victoria Stanton along with Jordan’s blown up to the size of a limousine right after the title. I bite my lip and hope that the audience loves it. I shouldn’t have worried. When the movie is over everyone claps because they know we are in the theater too. Our seating area is roped off from the rest and there are a couple of guards here and there. Then someone in the crowd shouts, “Sing!” Ever since someone shouted that after my first movie, it has been a tradition for me to travel around to big theaters and sing at the end. I stand up and make my way to the front. I do a quick spin to get my dress back into place without having to do any awkward arranging. I have a headset on with a microphone. I’ve had it on since the movie started but someone just turned it on now.

“Thank you for coming this evening. We are all glad you enjoyed the movie.” More cheers come from the crowd and more shouts to sing. I bring my arms to my waist and prepare to start. I never know what to do with my arms when I don’t have a microphone in my hands. I’ve learned over time though, that if I just sway my body and put emotion into my facial expressions, then the arms just follow. At a strong part make a fist, at a sad part let them fall slowly to my side, and then the song seems natural. It’s easy.

The movie was about an average girl (acted by me) who decides she wants to take her life in her own hands and build herself a future. She wants to be a singer, she wants to be rich, she wants everything. She tries so many things to get there. Some things are dangerous and then she meets a guy (of course) and they continue the adventure together. Not the greatest storyline but with all the photography and effects it turned out pretty cool. I take a breath and wait for the music to start. The song has a cool beat but very hard to follow. I take a deep breath and begin.

I can’t give you fame

I can’t give you power

I can’t even suffice

Your smallest heart’s desire

Hey, I can feel your pain

I can feel your fire

Let me now just say

Don’t ever tire

Because I have nothing

Opportunities didn’t give

But I’m trying my very best

I have to live

Because now’s the time

To rebel

To change myself

And the world as well

You know,

I want to have it all

I can do all things

If I believe in myself

And I can push me forward

It is time to rebel

Hey,

I want to have it all

I can have it all

I can change the world

I want everything right now

I can march straight on

I can lead myself

I can change my future

Everybody,

I want to have it all

I spin again then bow to the public. They’re all clapping. Some cheer and yell for more. Some are wiping tears from their eyes. I bow again then make my way to the exit with Jordan and Amaya trailing me.

“You did great!” says Amaya. “I wish I could sing like that.”

“Yeah you were awesome! I like that song. It sounds a lot like the person you acted.” Jordan takes my hand. “Let’s go. It’s time for the party! I’m glad we decided to play the movie early. That means we have more time to party!” We then separate to change into our party clothes.

“Hey!” I say irritably as someone steps on my foot. The person mumbles something in response. I turn back to face Amaya. “So what were you saying?” The music is so loud I can barely hear her answer. We are standing by a snack table that’s loaded with every kind of delicious fattening treat. I obviously can’t eat the chocolate cake, I have my figure to think about! It was all I could to fit into the dress I’m wearing tonight. Now that  I finally got it on, it looks hot. It’s a beautiful silver with pink, and with all those cute gathers that make me look like I’m covered in tin foil. I love these parties. I don’t do much other than eat and talk but I like them all the same. I see Jordan walking with some other guy toward us.

“Hey Victoria!” says Jordan.

“Hey!” I say, “Nice outfit.” He’s wearing dark jeans, and a white undershirt with light brown and yellow plaid dress shirt on top of it not buttoned up.

“Thanks. Oh this is Noah Williams,” he says, “This is his first party. He was cast for the main part in that new suspense film they’re making. He was at the movie this evening.”

“Welcome to fame,” I say and lean over and give him a loud kiss on the cheek. He looks startled and I only laugh.

“Hey, well catch you later! I’m going to show this newbie around.” says Jordan and they walk away.

“I can’t believe you did that!” Amaya tells me. I turn to the dessert table and take my third chocolate-dipped strawberry.

“I just love them ‘cause they’re such dorks.” I smile and offer Amaya a  strawberry which she refuses. My cell phone rings and my agent/manager, Alison Banks, is telling me to finish up at the party because I need to get to bed early for a 7 a.m. audition tomorrow.

“Okie-dokie!” I tell her sweetly. I mean I’m an actress, I can totally fake a sincere answer. It’s only 11 p.m. and she acts so much like an annoying parent. Someone grabs my arm. I turn to see a man with dark glasses dressed in dark clothes.

“Victoria Stanton,” the man says, “Come with me. Your agent is waiting outside. She says it’s urgent.” I pry my arm free and give him a kick in the side for good measure.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Just then he twists my arm behind my back so hard that I can’t stifle a sharp cry of pain. Now everyone is staring at me. He pushes me toward the door and when we get outside he gives one last shove that sends me crumpled to the floor. Through the glass doors behind me I see Jordan. He looks worried but some of his friends are pulling him back pointing to Alison. I look up to see Alison shaking her head down at me.

“Look at you, Victoria. It looks like you haven’t slept in a week,” she says, “This is just perfect. You should be more careful. How are you going to audition like this?”

“Leave me alone!” I say angrily, “It’s none of your business what I do.”

“Oh but it is.” This time it’s the man in black. Alison looks flustered for a minute before introducing the guy in black. His name is Kyle Anderson and he is my new bodyguard.

“Bodyguard!” I’m almost shouting now. “What in the world do I need a bodyguard for?”

“For this reason precisely.” She hands me an enveloped addressed to me. I see it has already been opened, but I don’t really care. As I try to read it, the words swim in front of me, making it impossible to understand.

“You read it to me. I’m tired,” I say, handing back the envelope.

“Dearest Victoria,” she starts reading. “I am your secret admirer. I’ve been dying to meet you in person. I know exactly where you live and what security measures you take. People love you. Sadly you take a little too much of the attention. I’d hate for anything to happen to you. And I can’t guarantee that you’ll be safe if you’re not out of the country in three days. Of course we can negotiate. Call me. The letter ends with his phone number and ‘Sincerely your Admirer’,”

“So what’s with that?” I ask not fully understanding the letter. Alison nods to Kyle.

“This person is obviously not your admirer. This is a threat on your life and I doubt the ‘negotiation’ he refers to will be of any help since the bribe will most likely not satisfy him and you’ll end up dead anyhow. We’ve heard that several others have received the same kind of letter. Why a sixteen year old girl would receive a letter like this, is beyond us. We think that the person might be another actor or actress. Our recommendation is to evacuate you immediately,” he finishes with a slight nod toward Alison. I squint at her trying to discern her thoughts on this matter but she keeps her face blank of emotion.

“Oh can’t give me until tomorrow at least to think it over?” This couldn’t be real, I must be dreaming. It’s stupid that someone hates me. I’ve never been hated…

“You’d better think fast then,” Kyle says as he takes off his dark glasses to rub his left eye. I notice he’s a young man, maybe twenty years old at the most. Alison helps me off the ground and points me in the direction of my room.

“Get a good night’s sleep. You’ll need it.”

“Get up!” Alison shakes my shoulders to wake me up. Something about my intoxicated manner last night and the news of the letter didn’t let me have any peace. I had nightmares all night long and I don’t feel in the least bit rested. “We have to leave right now. Pack your suitcases with all your clothes and any necessary items you might need for the trip, and don’t pack any junk. We don’t have space for that.”

“What’s the big idea?” I sit up in bed rubbing my eyes and speaking in a slow and somewhat slurred voice. “Why do we have to leave so soon and where are we going?”

“Jordan Kenton and Amaya Lewis were attacked last night after the party. Amaya was kidnapped and Jordan was shot. He isn’t dead but he is in pretty bad shape and you might be next. Is that enough to get you out of bed?” she says bluntly. I gasp then break out crying. Not forced tears but real ones that I can never replicate in movies. I quickly brush them away though. My crying won’t do anything to save Amaya and most importantly, Jordan. Alison sits on my bed. “I know this is quite a shock to you,” she says, “But we really do have to be going.” I nod and stand up to get dressed. She doesn’t understand.

When I’m ready I step into the small kitchen to find Alison and Kyle already waiting there. Kyle hands me a fruit smoothie and a doughnut from the coffee shop downstairs. He eyes the suitcases as if they were his arch enemy but quickly looks away. It’s not my fault that all of my luggage is neon pink.

A private jet is waiting for us when we arrive at the airport. My bodyguards increased to four men during the morning. Two of them, dressed normally, are walking in the crowd behind me; they are there just in case we need them. The other two, one of which is Kyle, walk on my left and on my right, dressed in black, not even trying to blend in. People make way for us as we walk quickly though the airport to a small runway where the jet is started and waiting for us. Three of the bodyguards step back as I enter the plane, but Kyle goes in with me. I’m not surprised that Alison decided to bring along a bodyguard and I actually don’t mind Kyle in the least bit. He’s quiet and doesn’t interfere with my life, so I can deal with him.

The plane is grand on the inside. There are couches and a dining area and even a bed in the corner! The table is set with three places and there is a waitress ready to serve us. I can tell this will be a very comfortable flight. Maybe I don’t mind being ripped away from my life quite as much, if I get every luxury.

I peer out the window as we are landing, trying to get the best view I can of where we are. The landscape is dusty with few trees. As the plane turns, I see a patch of green not too far away. No one could tell us where we were going since they were afraid that the killer could track our conversations. Not even Alison knows, and the people where we are going were told not to tell us no matter what.  When we land, I stand up and see both Kyle and Alison making their way to the exit with my luggage in their hands. I pick up my makeup bag and brush off my dress then join them at the exit. I have to make an awesome impact wherever I am. I add a pair of sunglasses and a final layer of lipstick before I look up and see that Kyle is rolling his eyes. He has no idea of style. His outfits for this trip consist of only black. Black shirt, black tie (for special occasions only), black shoes, black pants, black sunglasses, and a black belt. A huge contrast to his dusty blond hair.

“Let’s go!” says Alison, happy as always. I wonder what she’s being paid for making this trip that makes her this overjoyed at leaving her home. I, for one, am not in the least bit happy. My parents were not allowed to come because it was thought too dangerous. Not that I really mind. I wish Jordan had accompanied us though, but he’s being sent somewhere else as soon as he gets out of the hospital. Tears come to my eyes as I remember him. We were such good friends. I mean we always hung out and the rumor was that we were ‘dating’ and all that. Well, a girl needs some publicity!

At the push of a button, the exit door slides up revealing some metal stairs leading down. The sun is so bright I can’t make out a thing until I’m already at the bottom of the stairs.

 I was kind of expecting there to be at least a small crowd to welcome me. I mean it’s not every day that a celebrity arrives in a remote village. But as I take in my surroundings I sadly note that my crowd consists of exactly two people, an old man and a teenage boy. As I am taking in the sights, Kyle has already made his way to the old man. He hands him the envelope the managers gave us before we left. We were not supposed to open it until we gave it to an old man. That must be him. I make my way to Kyle’s side, making a cloud behind me from the dust I accidentally kick up on every step. I hear sputtering behind me and turn to find Alison spitting out my dust cloud. I can’t help laughing at her. She’s covered in dust from head to toe. I look down to my own once-red dress and frown. I would have worn a pair of pants if anyone had cared to tell me where I was going. Now I feel stupid in a dress and sandals. I’m just glad I didn’t wear heels!

 The old man is looking at me. I haven’t heard him talk yet, but his face looks like shriveled apple.

“I’m Victoria,” I say, “What’s your name?”

“He doesn’t speak English,” said the boy in a heavily-accented English. “I’m Andres. Welcome to-” The old man cut him off by boxing his ear. “Um, here,” Andres ended sheepishly, looking skeptically at my clothing. “That’s not much good,” he says, “You have a lot to learn.”

I hate people telling me that. I’ve been told that my whole life. Finally when I became famous I thought I had learned it all. I’ll just toss that idea out the window. So much for the dress. I can’t change here. There isn’t even a tree anywhere close. The old man is staring at me again.

“What now?” I ask in a less than civil tone. He points to the luggage. My four suitcases and backpack, Kyle’s duffle bag, and Alison’s two suitcases. The man makes a motion like he’s lifting something on his back, then frowns and shakes his head.

“You can’t take all of that,” says Andres, “Pick one and I’ll help you take it. We can leave the rest here for later.”

“Here, here?” I glance around the open runway made of dust. Andres shakes his head and motions for us to follow. He starts pulling two of my suitcases; I pick up my backpack and pull another suitcase and follow. The rest trail us.

We arrive at a wooden plank on the ground near the edge of the runway. I just realized that there is an edge. The ground beyond is rocky and has a few shriveled bushes here and there. Andres lifts up the plank to reveal a rectangular hole about five feet deep. I understand now. We have to leave most of our suitcases here! I motion for him to put the two that he was pulling in the hole. I am not glad at all about leaving my stuff, but we can always come back for it later. I mean how far are we going? I pick the suitcase that has most of my more useful clothing and shoes and tell him to stow away the last one. After that, we begin walking. Kyle tells me that we might have to walk several hours to reach the village where we will be staying so I can pace myself.

Two and a half hours later I’m drenched in sweat, my dress is torn, and my feet are raw and bleeding. I’m tired of carrying my backpack but I take that back when I see Andres and Kyle carrying large suitcases on their shoulders. My water ran out an hour ago and I’ve been parched ever since. A few minutes ago the old man, translated by Andres, announced that we would arrive at the village in ten minutes. I am so relieved and can’t wait sit in an air-conditioned room, and to take a nice warm shower. Or maybe a cold shower would be better…

“Snap out of it Vicky!” My head shoots up.

“What? And don’t call me Vicky.” I hate that nickname.

“We’re here,” says Kyle grinning. I could tell he was tired and relieved even though he tries to mask his feelings. Military school must do that. Teach everyone to be cut off and not express themselves. It’s sickening.

Before me lies a village but not anything like what I had imagined. The houses are small, made out of either wood or bricks. They are all only one story and most of them are just whitewashed on the outside. Chickens and children walk or run around in front of the homes or by a well. The ground is dusty just like the runway and there are no paved roads.

 The old man leads us through the village to the largest house around. It is not very big at all but it looks nicer than any of the other houses. It is two stories high, painted white and has a red tiled roof. In fact, those are the only two colors in or on the entire house. Terracotta red and white. We step onto the small porch in front of the house. The shade feels nice. We drop off our stuff, each in one of the three upstairs rooms. We leave the room on the bottom floor empty. For the first time I notice there are no doors. There is a woven straw mat that covers the main entrance but nothing else, and no air-conditioning for that matter. The biggest shock is the bathroom. It is just a toilet bowl in a small room. There is a large barrel of water in one corner and a drain in the middle of the room. That’s it. Apparently after we use the toilet we have to dump water down it using a bucket then we just splash water on our hands. Forget the sink. No showers either, I guess. I’m still parched and when I ask for water Andres leads me to what must be the kitchen and shows me a barrel on the counter that has a spout on the bottom. Water. I’m so thirsty I don’t care where it comes from. Andres and the old man leave us to organize and tell us they’ll be back later with food for us. I do what I can to make my room feel like home. I take out my clothes and hang them on a rope that is strung across my room. Closet. After I change into a pair of dark jeans and a green tee-shirt I just lay down on the bed and close my eyes. Was the party really only last night?

···

My eyes flutter open. How long have I been sleeping? The darkness from outside creeps through my window. With no glass to keep it outside, it seems it will come all the way in and devour me. At that moment a light blinks into existence above me. I hadn’t even known there was a light bulb in this room. Thank goodness there’s power! I couldn’t live without power. It is just another thing I always have taken for granted but here seems like a luxury. Kyle is standing in the doorway smiling at me, although he looks tired.

“Some guy in the village had a generator. I’ve spent this whole time getting lights installed throughout the house. You didn’t even notice when I hung yours up.” I glance at the ceiling again and notice that the light bulb is hanging on an extension cord that is threaded through a bent nail.

“Ingenious!” I say in true admiration. It’s not just anyone who can design a way to light a room out of very primitive items. Maybe they do learn something in military school other than being plain annoying…

“Come on,” he says, “They sent me up to call you to dinner. I bet you’re just going to love what we’re going to eat.” He gives me a mischievous smile.

“Oh, great,” I mumble as I pull on a jacket. The air is getting cooler and there seems to be no insulation in this house. Or maybe it’s cold because of the fact that there are no windows…

I smell food. I don’t care what it is! I’m so hungry I could eat anything. The small rectangular dining table seats six people. Kyle and Alison occupy two chairs on one side, the old man sits at the head of the table, and Andres occupies the seat next to him. At the foot of the table sits a girl. I take my place between Andres and her and look at the food in front of me. It looks like a little packet made out of some green plastic. I turn to Andres for answers but he only smiles, then acts as if he is remembering something and says, “Victoria, this is Sky.” He motioned towards the girl as if that was all there was to explain.

“Hello!” she says in perfect English, “You know, I’m so happy to finally have an English-speaking girl around.” She gives me a priceless smile. “Sky Antonio, age twelve, MK,” she says bringing her right hand up to her forehead in a soldier-like salute. “That’s Missionary Kid,” she adds in a whisper. As her hand goes up it catches on a small flower she had placed in her light brown hair. I hand her back her flower that fell to the floor.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Victoria Stanton,” I say. I must sound overly formal but that’s the way I’m used to introducing myself.

“Victoria Stanton,” Sky tests the words. “Sounds too grownupish. Vicky?”

“Oh, I hate that nickname!” I don’t really know why, but I do.

“Good.  I don’t like it either. I’m going to call you Stat.”

“I like it.”

The meal consists of what Sky says are ‘tamales.’ They’re sort of bread-like, but I understand they’re made out of corn meal. The rest of the meal is anything but quiet. Sky apparently has no problem finding what to talk about. Back home she would make a great actress I think. A pang shoots though me. Sky reminds me a bit of Amaya in height and build. But there the comparison ends. Amaya is shy in public, although she shines when she acts. I wonder where she is now?

When the meal’s over, we all say goodnight and the visitors leave. I can’t get used to no door on my room so I hang a towel up with some nails I borrowed from Kyle. It still doesn’t feel like a real room, but it’s something. I’m asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

“Good morning sleepy head!” I yawn and open my eyes. Sky, fully dressed and with wet hair, is looking down at me. “Stat, you’ve slept like three hours past sunrise! It’s 8 a.m. to be exact.” She hoists me to my feet and hands me a towel. She explains that she was able to lug her bathtub into the bathroom so I wouldn’t have to take a bucket bath. Whatever that is. When I see the tub it’s only like a big barrel. It’s wooden with plastic lining. “Made it myself!” smiles Sky as she follows me into the bathroom. “I won’t look but they told me I had to stay with you to make sure you wouldn’t drown yourself.” So that’s how far I’ve sunk. They think I would actually try to kill myself? Sky places a chair with its back to the tub and sits down. While I bathe, Sky chatters on, not seeming to mind that I don’t reply.

“Your agent, Alison, said that you can accompany me on my rounds today. I’m off school so I can go later that usual. School starts at ten here. When does it start where you live?” When she sees I don’t answer she continues, “Anyhow I usually start my rounds at five to get everything in, you know?”

“Rounds? What rounds?” I mumble, “Five a.m.? You’re nuts.” I’m still mostly asleep and even the cold water didn’t really wake me up.  Sky giggles.

“You’ll see.”

 “I’m done,” I say as I wrap myself in the towel. “Can I get dressed on my own or do you think I’ll hang myself by my belt?”

“No, not at all!” She turns to me and hands me a pair of flip flops. “Trust me. You don’t want to stand on the floor barefooted. Here, help me.” I help her slowly pour the bathtub water down the drain. “I would put it on my plants if it was downstairs but it’s too heavy to take down with the water in it.” Then she leaves me telling me that she’ll wait in my room. I get changed quickly. Well as quickly as possible with the very wet floor. It’s impossible not to get my clothes wet. I drop my towel onto the floor when I try to put my shirt on and it gets soaked. When I’m finally dressed I’m more wet than when I started. Oh well.

“Can I copy your hairstyle?” I ask Sky when I get to my room. She wears her hair in a low, side ponytail and usually has a flower stuck into it. It looks nice and… well… quaint.

“Yeah sure! Here, we can share my backpack for today but tomorrow you should take your own. But I can’t expect you to know what to take on the first day so just follow me!” Sky waves me towards the door.

Our first stop on Sky’s ‘rounds’ is a small hut. It has a dirt floor and a thatched roof. The walls are whitewashed wood and there is just one bed.

“The woman who lives here lost her husband last week in a wild boar hunt. She has five kids so we’ve been helping her out,” she whispers into my ear as we enter the hut. A woman is sitting on the bed nursing a baby and two other toddlers sit on the floor playing with a length of twine.

“Where are the others?” I ask.

“The seven year old is grinding corn out back I imagine and probably the eight year old is working in the field to earn some money to buy food.” Sky pulls from her backpack a can of tuna. “Canned food is rare so I like to give it as a treat.” She opens it and dumps in into a clay bowl laying nearby. She takes out a zip-lock bag that has already-chopped vegetables inside. She adds this to the tuna and mixes it around. She says something to the woman in a language I don’t understand, then stands up. “She wants to know who the little white girl is,” Sky says. “That’s you.” She giggles and says something else to the woman. “We should be going now.” I take one last look around the hut. The two toddlers are now eating the tuna with big smiles and dirty fingers. Suddenly I feel sorry about eating those chocolate-dipped strawberries.

“Usually I stay longer here, but since we got a late start I’ll come back tomorrow to wash their clothes.”

“Are you like their provider now? Isn’t there anyone else?” I ask. I still can’t get over that this small girl is taking care of poor people in this village. I gulp. If only I had the guts to help the poor back home.

“For the moment, yeah. The woman might get remarried or find a job when the babe’s older.” She adjusts her backpack. “You hungry, Stat? I’m starved!” She sits down on a large rock and pats the place beside her. “Here.” She hands me a sandwich wrapped in toilet paper. At some other time I might have been grossed out, but for the moment I don’t really care. After seeing how Sky cares for this family I almost want to go inside and give my sandwich to those kids. Almost, but not quite. I’m hungry.

When we finish eating, Sky picks up her backpack to leave.

“Wait. Let me take that.” I swing the pack onto my shoulder before she can reply.

“Um, sure!” she says. “Just be careful, there are some breakables in there.” She walks in front of me until we arrive at a larger building. I hadn’t noticed it before. It’s basically just four walls with a tin roof. Well at least that’s what it looks like from the outside. I see that it is quite different on the inside. As we walk in, I see a counter on my left with a young native woman behind it. Sky says something to her then we move on. Everything is white. All the people are dressed in white. The cots that line the walls have white sheets and the metal frames are painted white too. Then I notice the red cross painted on the back wall and give myself a mental slap. Of course! This is a hospital. I should have noticed that. Frankly, I’ve never been in a hospital other than in the waiting room or in a doctor’s office. This is much different. Beside each cot is a small rolling table whose contents vary from medicine bottles, to bandages, to trays of food. The thing that shocks me the most is that every cot is filled. I hadn’t noticed how busy the place was. Nurses walking briskly from bedside to bedside or wheeling little white carts with food on them.

“Come,” says Sky. “I brought some candy for the patients. A box from back home arrived yesterday and there was an entire bag of butterscotch candies in it. I can’t wait to see their faces.” The first cot holds a girl about Sky’s age. Her face is thin and somewhat yellow. When she reaches out her hand to take the candy I see that her little hands are so bony I could mistake them for my grandmother’s hands. But when she smiles it seems like all her illness disappears. Her face lights up and she shows her yellowed teeth. My heart beats quicker. She’s so happy about getting a little candy. I feel terrible about all the candy I throw out after Halloween. The least I could do is send it to this hospital. I’ll try to remember that when I get back home. If I go back home.

“Come,” Sky says again tugging my sleeve. In the next cot lies a little boy, maybe six years old. He has a large lump on the side of his neck and his little hands are swollen.

“Let me,” I say and take a candy from Sky. I offer it to the little boy who takes it eagerly. He fumbles to take the wrapper off. I help him to untwist the ends and pop it in his mouth. He closes his eyes and lets out a sigh.

“Thank you,” he says in terrible English.

“You’re welcome.” I smile at  the poor kid as a nurse pushes us away and pricks the boy with a syringe and adeptly squeezes the medicine into the boy’s veins. I can’t look anymore. It kills me to see him wince when the needle goes in and out. If only I could do something to help him.

We make our way from cot to cot, bedside to bedside, leaving a candy with each patient. I help as much as I can. I even help one of the nurses clean a wound on the arm of a young man. I can’t help remembering Jordan. It kills me that they look alike. I meet a young woman who looks nine months pregnant and who could give birth anytime now. I feel her gaze on me, but when I look in her eyes I see they appear to be glazed over. Then I notice she’s blind. I have to look away not imagining what it would be like to be a blind mother of a newborn. A tear drips down my cheek before I can stop it. I lick my lips and follow Sky to the next cot.

When we finish, all the candies are gone. At the end we also gave some to the doctors and nurses working there. I also note that Sky didn’t eat a single one, and when we first arrived, she opened the brand new package. What a sacrifice! I mean, all girls like sweets. And by the way she had said it, candies are a rare thing, but she gave them all away without even trying one! This young girl is just a marvel in herself. She does so much and receives so little.

Our next stop is a house slightly larger than the first hut with two rooms instead of one. The floor is still dirt but there are counters and a sink in the first room. Also a table and chairs against one wall. A little girl is sitting at one of the places. I’ve noticed that all of the native villagers are dark skinned, but this girl by far has the darkest skin of all. She looks up at Sky and smiles as Sky hands her another sandwich from the pack.

“Here follow me if you like.” Sky motions to a door. This room is made of cement bricks with no finishing at all. Everything is gray. The beds, one large one and one small, are just wooden frames with thin foam cushions covering them. There’s no one in the room except us.

“Who lives here?” I ask.

“Yours truly!” says Sky smiling. She reaches under the smaller bed and pulls out a white bag. I gasp. How could Sky live in such a horrid place as this?

“What about the girl out there?”

“Oh, we’re taking care of her for the time being.” She lowers her voice. “Her father is abusive and we’re waiting until we can get him into an alcoholic rehab center. To send her back to her mother that is.”

I slide down to a sitting position on the floor. I don’t care that the floor is dirt. I don’t care that it’s damp. I don’t really care about myself right now. How old could that girl be? Nine, maybe ten? I bite my lip to keep it from trembling. My heart is beating fast and tears are coming to my eyes. Why am I acting like this? I probably look stupid to Sky! Why is it? I don’t even know the girl. Maybe it’s because I’ve always had everything. My family is kind and loving. My living situation is great. I never go hungry. How lucky I am… Why have I never noticed others before? Am I so self-centered that I can’t open my eyes to what’s happening around me? Suddenly I’m angry with myself. Very, very angry. How am I so ignorant as to let people suffer like this, while I’m in my own little world of made-up stories and ‘happily-ever-after's.’ I’m so ashamed of myself…

“Come on. I had to pick some stuff up that I forgot this morning but I have it now,” says Sky shaking me kindly. When she sees my tear-stained cheeks, she says, “It’s alright to feel like that. I’m not hard-hearted or anything. But I see this stuff every day. I still care though! Trust me, I care. These people are all I have, and frankly I want to help them with everything I can. Please don’t think me harsh…”

“Sky! Stop! You’re anything but harsh. You’re the greatest person I know! You give up everything to serve people who are so different from you. You live with next to nothing and go around helping people make food and wash clothes. You clean wounds and give away candy, when you should be playing with dolls and riding your bike!” The words rush out of me without thinking. What made me say that? Well, I guess when I was her age I did play with dolls and bikes. This just makes me feel worse.

“Stat, look. I’m just doing what I love to do. I enjoy helping these people. How old are you anyhow?”

“Sixteen,” I mutter.

“See you’re not too old to do something too. You can still change something somewhere. You can still smile at someone or help them to their feet. You don’t have to take in a stranger or start a protest for world peace. You can start just where you are! You can just hold a kid that needs cuddling or help an old man cross a busy street. You don’t have to be an official missionary to help people.”

Her words were stinging, but encouraging. Why haven’t I done any of this before? Why haven’t I stepped out of my comfort zone and done something drastic? I take a deep breath and stand up.

“Where to next?” I ask. “Lead on fair warrior!”

We spend the rest of the morning visiting sick people and helping to make food. We wash dishes and change diapers. I can’t say that I enjoy it but I love to see the thankful faces. The next day I’m standing next to Sky after we finished weeding a neighbor’s garden.

“Look at you!” I say laughing. She’s covered in mud from her neck to her toes.

“You’re not much better off yourself!” she answers happily. I rub some mud on her cheeks and then she has to chase me down to rub some on mine. We run around squealing and shrieking, and actually, I feel happy! I feel like I have no worries in the world.

When we finally calm down I say, “Honestly Sky, you have got to have another reason to help these people other than you like doing it right?”

“I think it’s the least I can do. I mean Jesus had to die. The least I can do is live honoring what He did and trying by best to carry on His mission.”

“Hey I’m sorry but I’m not really interested in all that religion stuff.”

“Stat, He’s not a religion! He was a person! He came and gave his very life then he rose from the dead! I mean that’s pretty amazing.”

“But it’s still religion isn’t it?”

“It doesn’t feel like it when you serve Him with your whole heart.” I think about that. She must have a point. We continue to the next place on our rounds. Jeepers! I just said ‘our’ rounds. Well I guess since I’m helping her now they are kind of my rounds. As the days pass I get to talk with Sky more and more. She explains to me why she’s here with her parents. She tells me how many things she’s seen to solidify her belief. And wonder of wonders, one day I find myself reading the Bible she gave me. There are some really cool things in there. The next day Sky invites me to give my life to Christ. I felt a slow change creeping though me and today I think it has taken full effect. I feel like a different person. Even in so short a time, I’ve put my whole into it and learned some key verses from the Bible Sky gave me. I enjoy learning and I see that Sky enjoys teaching. I pick up my backpack.

“Come on Sky. Remember we’re suppose to paint your house today?” We both laugh remembering how Sky’s dad had asked us to go around the village and paint one house a day. It was finally time to paint Sky’s house and we were both excited.

“Race you there,” she says running off. I chase after her forgetting everything. Forgetting I’m to old to be playing around, forgetting that I look a mess, and most of all forgetting who I used to be. This is the new me. I wasn’t really aware when the change too place. I can’t explain what it felt like. I felt changed somehow though. Happier maybe or more willing to do my part. After that I throw myself into the work with all my heart. That was the first step in the right direction. I feel myself being pulled along with Sky. I feel her enthusiasm and her joy. I feel how she’s suffered in the past but how Christ has kept her strong. I can only hope that someday I will be able to say the same about myself.

When we are getting ready to go back home the next week, I feel like I know these people. Like I truly understand them and can speak to them. Language doesn’t matter in this. The actions are what count. Nothing could ever be compared to how these  people smile or laugh. It’s not like the way people smile at me on the opening night of a movie. It is so different. I though I knew what it was like to be loved. I was so wrong.

When people clap for you after a movie, they aren’t really clapping for you. They’re clapping for the imaginary character you acted. They’re clapping for unfelt feelings on unreal subjects. They’re clapping for fake tears and staged kisses. They’re not clapping for me. They don’t love me. They love the imaginary me. Because really, none of them know me or will ever know me for that matter. How did I ever feel that their cheers and shouts were for me? Here if someone shakes my hand it isn’t because I did a great job playing the damsel in distress. It’s because I really did help them. I actually did something that affected them personally. Not just something to entertain; something to watch to distract yourself, but something real to hold on to. Something more than just play-acting. Something beyond my comprehension. It’s something realer than anything and everything. Something that can cause people to do amazing things. This is love. Not the sappy teenage guy and girl love, but the real thing. This is something that even death can’t break. Where appearance doesn’t matter, where no one judges you for what style of dress you’re wearing or how high your heels are. The reason why an all-powerful God sent his Son to save us a long time ago. This is the real thing. And I have never experienced it before.

I look around me to see a large group of people ready to see me off. I see Sky and Andres standing side by side. Sky, the girl who taught me so much about myself and who helped me change. Who gave me an opportunity I might have never gotten if I hadn’t come. Then I see Kyle. The person who cared enough to hang up lights so I could see. I see Jordan who had come in the jet to accompany me on the flight back. His arm is in a sling because during the shooting a bone in his arm splintered. He smiles at me, his brown eyes sparkling. It’s good to see him in his normal state, with his dark-brown hair blowing in the wind. There’s Amaya, who also came to pick me up. She was released when the killer was captured. I see Alison. Oh Alison, I judged you so wrongly. So many faces look at me and I can’t help smiling. I love these people. They’re like family for me. This time I can’t stop the tears that flow freely down my cheeks and onto the traditional white dress I’m wearing, the one that a woman in the village gave me, down to my sandaled feet, then onto the dry ground and into the parched earth. I will never ever forget what happened here in this place. How little I knew about life. I thought it revolved around parties and boys and fashions and shoes. But it doesn’t. I revolves around people and places, but most of all it all relies on the Creator of the world who so designed it so people can live here. Grow here. Love here.

The last few minutes on the ground are heartbreaking. I give Andres and the old man a big hug, telling them that I will never forget them. Next is Sky. How can I ever say goodbye to Sky?

“Don’t cry Stat!” she says. “You’ll come and visit us right?”

“Of course I will! If I only knew where I am,” I add.

“Alison said I can tell you now. Welcome and goodbye from Nicaragua.”

“Oh Sky, thanks for everything. Thanks for teaching me what it is like to live. And thank you for taking me in and remolding me into a new person. You know? I can never ever forget this place and I’m sure I will come back. Really soon too.” I see there are tears in the girl’s eyes. I bite my lip and continue, “I’ve decided I’m going to use my earnings to help support the people here and to bring new technology to the hospital. I’m going to send crates full of candy, too. But most of all, I’m going to change myself. I’m going to do something like you said. I’m going to cuddle all those homeless kids and help every old man I see. I promise. I’m going to be different.”

I have one last thing I want to do before I leave. Jordan is at my side. I take his hand and he spins me. During my stay I’ve been rewriting the song I sang a the Opening Night. I think it is appropriate to sing it now. At the last minute Alison, seeing what I was going to do, hands me a microphone connected to a small speaker. I begin.

I can give you fame

I can give you power

I can probably suffice

Your heart’s desire

Hey, I’ve felt your pain

I’ve felt your fire

Let me now just say

Your situation’s not dire

I’ve had all I needed

Opportunities let me give

But I kept it to myself

Caring only how I live

Because now’s the time

To give all I have

To change myself

And the world as well

You know,

I want to give it all

I can do all things

Through Christ who strengthens me

And help the people too

It’s time to change me

Hey,

I want to give it all

I have had it all

I might have changed the world

I wanted everything

I can follow God

I can help man

I can change my future

Now I want to give it all

As we take off, I take a last look at the place I’m leaving, the friends I’m leaving. But I’m coming back. I know that. And this time I want to take Jordan along. I want his life to change just like mine did. For the moment I will be preparing for the return. I lean on his good shoulder and close my eyes. He takes my hand and we fly back to our previous life. But of course it isn’t our previous life. I believe we’ve both changed in some way or another. I just want to make sure I don’t revert to that life I was used to. I have to keep my promise to Sky, and also the promise to myself.

“Don’t worry,” I say with tears rolling down my cheeks. “I will change.”