KAZDREA: DAWN OF THE DRAGONS' SECRET
Chapter 1 - The Dragons' Decision
The sun sank slowly in the west as Valhalla Geode entered the mouth of the dragon's cave. The high azure of the deep spring sky was transforming into darker indigo and violet, bathing her in a cascade of dusk fire.
Carefully she had climbed this section of the Wyrmroost mountain range, seeking out the scrub-covered pathways designed specifically to allow a knowledgeable humanoid access to the entrance some sixty feet above the ground. She was only lightly-armoured, wearing a splint mail leather jerkin with a skirt descending merely to mid-thigh, yet she did not consider herself prepared to scale a cliff face.
The cave extended into a tunnel of similar size about 20 feet across, and as Valhalla traversed it she noticed the occasional bit of bone or copper coin. Such things had been deliberately left there to give the suggestion that it had been long ago abandoned. This was to dissuade any who might still believe there were dragons in the Wyrmroost.
The winding tunnel led the warrior maiden deeper into the mountain, and she lit her torch just before it became too dark to do so. Still, feelings of fear and trepidation were far from her mind; rather, this place held a nostalgic feel for her, unlike the human civilization she still found unfamiliar and at times even daunting and ominous. Her memories were further restored as she begun to hear the soft and specialized hisses, growls, and shrieks she had come to know so well.
"...Prinsoaldreahi," came a voice with more force behind it than twenty humans could create, yet which was still best described as a fierce purr.
"Kazek," replied a quieter, cooler voice after some thought.
The first voice snarled simply "Kazdrak," with a tone of contempt detectable even in such an alien dialect.
This roused a third voice to impassioned speech. "Kazreadrakanek!" She shrieked with zeal.
It was then that Valhalla entered the colossal chamber and beheld what she could of the titanic creatures therein. Due to the limits of her torchlight, this was merely three massive dark shapes, ranging in height from twenty-five feet to an astounding eighty. The shapes slithered slightly, and six eyes shone in the shadows as three huge heads moved toward her light like those of a great hydra.
Her suspicions as to the identities of the shapes were confirmed by this. Two of the heads were larger than she was, yet with what she could catch with her torchlight she determined that all three belonged to dragons she knew to some degree. The smallest of the three was a Wind Dragon of five-and-twenty summers; her scales having only recently changed from a bright yellow to a shining gold which the firelight seemed to dance upon with rapture. There was nary a hint of the bronze they would one day become, for while she was about a year senior to Valhalla, she was still quite the youth by dragon standards.
Much older and larger than her was Prindakhwassstar a.k.a. Frozen Star, Valhalla Geode's adopted mother. She was a Frost Dragon, and her old age had left her covered with snow-white armour plates which glistened like a forest of ice. Hers was the second voice Valhalla had heard, and, with her wings like smooth crystal and her eyes like shining stars, her natural form was almost as fondly familiar as that of the elderly human woman she oft assumed.
More massive still was the great Fire Dragon, Dreafar. Her eyes reflected the torchlight and shone with an inner fire of their own, infinitely greater. Her scarlet scales twinkled and seemed to give off an illumination as well. She had always reminded Valhalla of a celestial phenomenon she had once been shown: a star going nova, flaring up like a wild fire giant of untold size and fury.
Unfortunately for Valhalla, she had practically no idea what any of them had been saying. She had been taught the speech common to humans in this realm; a variation of the language spoken on the northeastern continent far across the sea. She had precious little knowledge of the language of dragonkind in any of its incarnations, let alone the Ancient version of the dragon tongue they had just been speaking. All she had been able to determine was that one subject kept coming up again and again in their conversation: something about....allies. However, she did know how to ask for help communicating with her own.
"Telanek." Valhalla requested, gazing up at the dragons.
For a moment the three serpents neither spake nor moved, and Valhalla became worried that she had noticeably used her lips when pronouncing her words; a common mistake made by humans who were unused to speaking the dragon tongue. Dragons have no lips; their great heads are not like those of dogs or wolves but rather resemble those of long-forgotten scalykind from strange aeons, and their language is spoken by snaking the tongue deftly among the teeth.
They seemed to understand her well enough, however. All three dragons withdrew their heads from her torchlight and Prindakhwassstar began the incantation of a relatively complex magic spell. "Telansiph..."
"....okdrakek!" She finished, extending an index finger tipped with a claw the size of Valhalla's head and touching said head with it, sending magical energy coursing through her. The dragon had been as gentle as she possibly could be, yet still a drop of blood appeared on Valhalla's forehead and rolled down her face like a tear.
Valhalla barely noticed it. She was overwhelmed by all the voices which had just entered her mind. They were whispers in the dark, skirting the edge of her consciousness, and for a moment she found herself bewildered. Yet Valhalla had experienced this spell before, and she swiftly recalled that by focusing on only one of the shapes she saw, she could better determine from where each voice was coming. She concentrated on that of her serpent mother, a soul as pure as the driven snow.
We can use the aid of any who would help us against those who oppose the blue and green; those who would destroy our world! Prindakhwassstar's thoughts came to Valhalla in the voice of her human form; with an accent that was highborn without being haughty; a gentler version of the mind-voice common to all Frost Dragons, she had been told. Still, it did not lack much of the fierce concern or urgency present in the voice of the dragon's natural form.
Leonar can help us understand the Empire and what it may bring to pass; came Hisisaakkor's mind-voice in the pleasant-yet-adventurous tone of a Wind Dragon, his visions....
...Are not to be trusted, and say nothing of his reliability of loyalty. The mind-voice of the ancient red dragon Dreafar was searing, like her breath. However, the passion which fueled her thoughts was to every degree as strong as that of the young dragon Hisisaakkor. All have visions of worlds which may once have been and may one day come to be, but they may not have any relevance whatsoever to the here and now.
I believe his visions are quite relevant. Hisisaakkor replied. The world he sees has been almost entirely conquered by such powers as we now face. Nature there has been threatened in much the way ours now is.
Dreafar looked down at Valhalla. Her eyes flashed with a combination of annoyance and amusement, accurately reflecting the permanent half-smile she wore due to her jaw structure. It seems that the purpose of your being summoned, Dragon's Daughter, was not an idle one. As is so often the case, fire and ice find themselves at an impasse. She cast a scorching glance at Prindakhwassstar, and from what Valhalla could detect from the Fire Dragon's surface thoughts it seemed that she almost blamed her for the rise of the Empire and the looming war. It is you who must decide one way or another whether this wind-whelp will reveal our existence to a farm-boy for the sake of a dream, and thus I suspect that our decision is already made.
Valhalla looked down in thought. Dreafar was right; she had essentially made her decision. Hisisaakkor seemed almost heroic in her idealism, and she had learned to trust her mother in all she said. Besides, like it or not, she was human, and to deny Leonar would be to suggest faithlessness in her own people. She raised her head and gazed upon the young dragon of the air.
Try. Valhalla sent a mental message directly to Hisisaakkor, but the nature of the spell dictated that it would be broadcast to the other dragons present as well. We could use the assistance of any humans who would stand with us rather than against us. Her eyes widened as she realized that her statement was close to identical to that of her mother.
Then it is decided. Dreafar's thoughts were grim. However Hisisaakkor, be advised to choose your words wisely.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Thanks for the perusal and critique, not to mention the compliments (I'm very sensitive
)!
bigbadbear - Thanks for reminding me to italicize foreign speech; I had not encountered such in so long that I forgot, I guess. As for 'a.k.a.', I'll likely expand it to its full meaning of 'also known as'.
sylverdawn - After reading your critique, I looked up 'impassioned' in the dictionary and relearned that it actually means pretty much the same as 'passionate'! I am reminded of Dr. Nick's famous quote from the Simpsons: "Inflammable means flammable?!? What a country!"
I love both of your avatars! Both just happen to receive representation in later chapters of my book!
Everyone else - Keep reading! I'm always open to comment and critique!
really good, I was a little confused at first, because I got the feeling one of the dragon's was a boy.
"This roused a third voice to impassioned speech. "Kazreadrakanek!" She shrieked with zeal."
this is the only thing, when Valhalla is listening in on the dragon's conversation, you say this voice is both impassioned (or uninterested) and zealous (or excited) they contradict eachother. You should change one or the other.
Yes! About time that you posted! Ok, now let's get to the critique:
If this is a word in another tongue, then this word should be italicized like this,
"...Prinsoaldreahi," came a voice with more force"
I think that a.k.a really throws off the seriousness of the story. I would replace it with 'or in other words' or something along that lines.
You did a wonderful job at describing the dragons. I could picture each one of them in detail, and it made it more realistic. Fantasy is very hard to make realistic, and these dragons are very real. Great job on achieving that.
Again, this word is spoken in a different language, so it should be italicized.
Again, italicize.
Ohh!
This is very, very well written. You use vivid descriptions, powerful actions and most of all: your characters are real. This is a very difficult thing to do, yet you mastered it. All of your characters are believable people and dragons.
Those were the only mistakes that I saw and so I just wanted to say that this chapter was beautiful. If this story stays like this, then you will surely be a best selling author one day.
BBB