Published May 10, 2010
Feel Nothing
I can't feel anymore
You should know that
But you don't
I walk in the park
See a cute guy
And feel nothing at all
Thanks to you
And you didn't break me
Because I feel nothing
Not joy, nor sorrow
And I am missing nothing
Because I feel nothing
My world is black and white
Everything has no meaning
Even you, especially you
All because I feel nothing
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139,650 Literary Works • 672,643 Reviews
I agree wit hthe above posters, butI do understand the feeling you've put into the poem. You should paraphrase some parts of it^^ But we're mostly all amateurs here, so keep on writing!
Hey there!
>
I totally agree with Kyllorac.
It was too cliche' and the idea itself wasn't really interesting. Maybe try to use some figures of speech like similes, metaphors, hyperbole, etc. and it might turn out something different in a good way, though cliche', but it would be more good to read that with a twist into it 'cause the poem itself was totally flat.
<Sorry to be harsh
Keep writing!
Peace out!
Brutal honesty ahead: this poem made me go blah. It's a very cliche subject with very cliche imagery that was handled with cliche phrasing which was reused over and over again. There is nothing original or unique about it, so it falls smack into the category of "Teen Wangst".
My suggestion if you really want to make this poem work: try describing this emotion/lack of without using such generic or common words as "empty", "nothing", "feel", etc. before you start writing/rewriting. You might be surprised at what interesting imagery you'll get.
I had no issues with it, and I saw no mistakes or errors. It is very well-written. Actually, it reminds me of my friend who just recently went through a really tough break-up with her boyfriend. Is that what this poem is about? A break-up?
Well, I liked reading it. Keep writing poetry! You are really good at it!
-Emily