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Young Writers Society



Promises

by Kayleigh


Remember that night,
You carved your anger into your chest,
And darling, I hated you for it,
But I hated myself more?
We swore never to do it again, didn’t we?
Holding each other with our weary arms,
And crying our apologetic tears.
Then that day came,
When we ended,
I told you not to do anything stupid,
You said between sobs,
“That’s a promise I can’t keep”
And I hung my head and feared the worst.

Time has passed since that day,
And darling, what have you done?


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37 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 37

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Wed Oct 26, 2005 9:05 pm
Amice wrote a review...



My first thought wasn't "emotional" but I suppose it does cover a variety of emotions... anger, hate, crying, anticipation... all found their way into your poem without making it overly complicated

I would have thought (punctuation):

Remember that night,
You carved your anger into your chest*?
And darling, I hated you for it,
But I hated myself more*.

...instead of running it all into one interrogative sentence.

I did like the two-line stanza in closing




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447 Reviews


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Reviews: 447

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Wed Oct 26, 2005 8:36 pm
Duskglimmer says...



wow... that's... *searches for a word* amazing... It was really well done. I have nothing really constructive to say, but I wanted to say something...




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202 Reviews


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Wed Oct 26, 2005 2:35 pm
Angel17 says...



That was really sad. But i liked the poem!!




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94 Reviews


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Reviews: 94

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Wed Oct 26, 2005 1:28 pm
Twinkling Starz says...



Wow, very emotional.




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Points: 1078
Reviews: 333

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Wed Oct 26, 2005 1:36 am
emotion_less says...



Emotional... sad... Uncomplicated wording yet it added to the tone. I liked this.





When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
— Walter Lippmann