Remember that night,
You carved your anger into your chest,
And darling, I hated you for it,
But I hated myself more?
We swore never to do it again, didn’t we?
Holding each other with our weary arms,
And crying our apologetic tears.
Then that day came,
When we ended,
I told you not to do anything stupid,
You said between sobs,
“That’s a promise I can’t keep”
And I hung my head and feared the worst.
Time has passed since that day,
And darling, what have you done?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
My first thought wasn't "emotional" but I suppose it does cover a variety of emotions... anger, hate, crying, anticipation... all found their way into your poem without making it overly complicated
I would have thought (punctuation):
Remember that night,
You carved your anger into your chest*?
And darling, I hated you for it,
But I hated myself more*.
...instead of running it all into one interrogative sentence.
I did like the two-line stanza in closing
wow... that's... *searches for a word* amazing... It was really well done. I have nothing really constructive to say, but I wanted to say something...
That was really sad. But i liked the poem!!
Wow, very emotional.
Emotional... sad... Uncomplicated wording yet it added to the tone. I liked this.