Published July 30, 2008
Your eyes are like dying candle flames,
Who amongst you cannot see?
Where dancing shadows juxtapose the gilded tree.
Our fears have never lost their shames,
The darkness is no longer free.
So touchingly your lips curl up.
Happiness, you call it, half full the cup,
If filled half full, it be, but not the half gulped tea.
Love intensely the newborn pup,
And mourn it when it dies,
Explain your eulogy to the flies.
Take eternity if you must.
Hate not with a subtle guise,
Discard your petty morals.
Trade their noble thorns for laurels,
Chaos does not despise.
The rosy glasses give perception without quarrels.
Anarchy is a pretty word.
A word is all that's heard.
Evil minds create the sharp and twisted coral.
Are your white, bony fists now spurred?
You'd destroy my sweet embrace.
The darkness scarred by shining lace.
Whose sin you'll never know just how absurd.
With fools it often is the case.
Like fallacious thought can lead to truth,
Angst can lead to strength of youth.
Embrace it, embrace what is base.
Nothing is uncouth.
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are agree with carelessaussie. You have some stunning visuals and great lines, i feel a few of the rhymes were forced and in the age of free verse you can do away with the restraints of rhyme. You have all of the imagery and emotion, but you are riding the wrong bus. Im not saying change this poem, but just try and free write your next one. if its garbage, slap me and call me Suzie. let me know how your next one comes out.
Hmm . . . I like a lot of your visuals. I like your theme, too, that sometimes the wrong choice can be the right choice. Your rhyme seemed a little forced, though. Also, your use of the word anarchy kind of annoyed me; anarchy is not some dark, brooding evil. Anarchy is simply a form of living in which rules and laws don't apply and people govern their own lives through the use of good judgement. Basically. Anyway, I think it needs some work, but again, I like your premise. Try to be clearer with your theme and cut out all the unnecessary bits. Try writing free verse instead of rhymes. PM me if you have any questions.