I have always considered myself a gatherer.
I live life as a pacifist. I scavenge, I find, I collect.
I dream of berries and brambles all gathered into a little wicker basket.
The forest’s canopy draped over me like a warm blanket.
Losing myself in the smell of pine and the mess of greens.
It sounds beautiful.
A gorgeous utopia far from the battlefield.
Where blood can’t splatter back.
Join me why don’t you.
I’ll give you the warmest welcome, I promise.
I’ll find you the prettiest flower in the wood - a melodious yellow.
Yellow has always been my favourite colour.
Isn’t it nice to enjoy the way the world is painted? To look deeply at each stroke of the brush.
We can pick perfect fruit from the trees - apples and pears.
We can make jam!
We can do what we want here.
Our Eden - our home.
Where no serpent can reach us.
I can walk you down to the river, waddling hand in hand through the mud.
We can listen to the water run - crystal clear, pure.
It feels nice doesn’t it.
We could do this forever.
A blissful eternity.
Don’t you want that?
You see, my friend, time is a pretty poison
Slow-burning, subtle,
Utterly intoxicating.
Why should we waste it tormented?
I can wash the blood off your hands.
You can rest.
You don’t need to hunt here, dear.
You’re free.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
This is B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L.
You are amazing.
You are an extremely talented writer.
I loved the way that this poem flows. It’s like it is all being said in one breath but at the same time is perfectly paced and flowy.
I love how you transition from I statements,
“ I have always considered myself a gatherer.
I live life as a pacifist. I scavenge, I find, I collect.
I dream of berries and brambles all gathered into a little wicker basket.”
And then you continue to I’ll statements,
“ I’ll give you the warmest welcome, I promise.
I’ll find you the prettiest flower in the wood - a melodious yellow.”
And finally the we statements,
“ We can pick perfect fruit from the trees - apples and pears.
We can make jam!
We can do what we want here.
Our Eden - our home.”
Just some things that stood out to me but I absolutely love it <3
With love,
-AilahEvelynMae
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it. You are so sweet
I'm not very good at poetry but that is really good. You did a brilliant job at building a picture. I don't know if you meant for this to be the case but to me it feels comforting and ominous at the same time.
Thank you so much! That was exactly what I was going for
Hi!
First of all, I'm no expert in poetry myself, but I thought I'd give some of my thoughts anyways. You can take it with a grain of salt.
I think you did a great job on this! The language you used is very descriptive painting vivid images in the readers mind.
"Losing myself in the smell of pine and the mess of greens"
I can just picture being right there.
The piece on you wrote in relation to time,
"You see, my friend, time is a pretty poison
Slow-burning, subtle,
Utterly intoxicating"
I thought is very well done, and relatable. It's super descriptive and creates an air of foreboding I think. Time is not forever, and it can be dangerous, is what i get from it.
Overall, I think you created a wonderful piece.
Keep it up!
Thanks so much for your input! I really appreciate it