A poem I thought up when I wasa surfing today...

I am a slave
In the ocean's power
For one good wave,
I'll work for an hour


Just a ittle tidbit.
And I really was surfing,like, half an hour ago. 8)

Comments & reviews · 10
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BFG
Comment

I like the first two lines, though the last line seemed a bit clunky to me. It's a nice length.

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Twit
Review
Twit wrote a review · Wed Apr 11, 2007 12:22 am

Short, but sweet. And it rhymes!!!!!! And it has rhythym!!!! I can never get either of those right. :D

Is surfing fun? The thing is, I have a morbid streak, and I've read books about shark attacks - Great White Shark attacks in Jaws style - and most of them have happened to surfers either lying on the board, so they look like a seal from below; or like that girl Bethany Whatserface who got her arm bitten off by a Great White while surfing through a tunnel wave. And sharks are scary . . .

I'm digressing, though. Good poem!

-ST

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Fireweed
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I like! Especially the first 2 lines. You captured your passion without any unneccasary words, which I know is much more difficult than it sounds. Kudos!! :pig:

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Mars
Comment

I'm jealous you can write like that and I'm jealous you can surf.

I love it. Just wish it was longer, so I could read more.

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Angel17
Comment

I was short, but had a deeper meaning. Good poem

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Karma
Comment

Thanks a lot...
yeah...
I thhinkk a lot when I surf. I just came backk from surfing again as it happens...
yea.
Its awesome!

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Cassandra
Comment

It's nice and short, and the meaning is clear and easy to grasp. Nice job! :thumb:

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Sgt. Salt
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That was a neat little thing. I know exactly what it means, and what you mean. :-) It's nice to see a poem even I can understand.

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Black Ghost
Comment

Pretty good, I guess. In a few consise lines you managed to convey a feeling which was your love for surfing and the ocean, which is good. :D

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zelithon
Review

You... are so smart it hurts my ego. Thanks alot. Anyway fantastic poem. You should show it to your english teacher if you are happening to do peotry in your english class right now *twitch
Surfing is just like that. Exept for me I usually wait an hour cause I am scared. :smt079



The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
— Marcel Proust