I like the first two lines, though the last line seemed a bit clunky to me. It's a nice length.
z
I am a slave
In the ocean's power
For one good wave,
I'll work for an hour
Just a ittle tidbit.
And I really was surfing,like, half an hour ago.
I like the first two lines, though the last line seemed a bit clunky to me. It's a nice length.
Short, but sweet. And it rhymes!!!!!! And it has rhythym!!!! I can never get either of those right.
Is surfing fun? The thing is, I have a morbid streak, and I've read books about shark attacks - Great White Shark attacks in Jaws style - and most of them have happened to surfers either lying on the board, so they look like a seal from below; or like that girl Bethany Whatserface who got her arm bitten off by a Great White while surfing through a tunnel wave. And sharks are scary . . .
I'm digressing, though. Good poem!
-ST
I like! Especially the first 2 lines. You captured your passion without any unneccasary words, which I know is much more difficult than it sounds. Kudos!! :pig:
I'm jealous you can write like that and I'm jealous you can surf.
I love it. Just wish it was longer, so I could read more.
Thanks a lot...
yeah...
I thhinkk a lot when I surf. I just came backk from surfing again as it happens...
yea.
Its awesome!
It's nice and short, and the meaning is clear and easy to grasp. Nice job! :thumb:
That was a neat little thing. I know exactly what it means, and what you mean. It's nice to see a poem even I can understand.
Pretty good, I guess. In a few consise lines you managed to convey a feeling which was your love for surfing and the ocean, which is good.
You... are so smart it hurts my ego. Thanks alot. Anyway fantastic poem. You should show it to your english teacher if you are happening to do peotry in your english class right now *twitch
Surfing is just like that. Exept for me I usually wait an hour cause I am scared.
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