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Young Writers Society



A poem I thought up when I wasa surfing today...

by Karma


I am a slave
In the ocean's power
For one good wave,
I'll work for an hour


Just a ittle tidbit.
And I really was surfing,like, half an hour ago. 8)


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Thu Apr 12, 2007 7:40 pm
BFG says...



I like the first two lines, though the last line seemed a bit clunky to me. It's a nice length.




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Wed Apr 11, 2007 12:22 am
Twit wrote a review...



Short, but sweet. And it rhymes!!!!!! And it has rhythym!!!! I can never get either of those right. :D

Is surfing fun? The thing is, I have a morbid streak, and I've read books about shark attacks - Great White Shark attacks in Jaws style - and most of them have happened to surfers either lying on the board, so they look like a seal from below; or like that girl Bethany Whatserface who got her arm bitten off by a Great White while surfing through a tunnel wave. And sharks are scary . . .

I'm digressing, though. Good poem!

-ST




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Sun May 14, 2006 4:57 am
Fireweed says...



I like! Especially the first 2 lines. You captured your passion without any unneccasary words, which I know is much more difficult than it sounds. Kudos!! :pig:




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Mon May 08, 2006 11:08 pm
Mars says...



I'm jealous you can write like that and I'm jealous you can surf.

I love it. Just wish it was longer, so I could read more.




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Wed May 03, 2006 4:12 pm
Angel17 says...



I was short, but had a deeper meaning. Good poem




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Sun Apr 30, 2006 7:25 pm
Karma says...



Thanks a lot...
yeah...
I thhinkk a lot when I surf. I just came backk from surfing again as it happens...
yea.
Its awesome!




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Sun Apr 30, 2006 12:41 pm
Cassandra says...



It's nice and short, and the meaning is clear and easy to grasp. Nice job! :thumb:




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Sat Apr 29, 2006 6:39 am
Sgt. Salt says...



That was a neat little thing. I know exactly what it means, and what you mean. :-) It's nice to see a poem even I can understand.




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Sat Apr 29, 2006 3:39 am
Black Ghost says...



Pretty good, I guess. In a few consise lines you managed to convey a feeling which was your love for surfing and the ocean, which is good. :D




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Sat Apr 29, 2006 12:51 am
zelithon wrote a review...



You... are so smart it hurts my ego. Thanks alot. Anyway fantastic poem. You should show it to your english teacher if you are happening to do peotry in your english class right now *twitch
Surfing is just like that. Exept for me I usually wait an hour cause I am scared. :smt079





okay I think I need to grab some nachos
— BluesClues