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Young Writers Society


16+ Language

Don't Let Go - Prologue

by KarlaIvettemart23


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

August 20, 2010

"Cameron, where are you going?" she asked as he quietly made his way out the room. He stopped at the sound of her voice making him hesitate for a quick second. Her eyes already finding an answer in his sweet tortured face; an answer he wouldn't admit to, for her own good.

"I'm going for a ride," he answered after some thought. Although she knew the only thing she could do was smile and let him go. She still holds on to hope.

His eyes that once looked cold and emotionless to people's feelings, now show more of a gentle expression. Even though, there's still regret hiding deep behind the softer light that has taken over them. The pain he still holds inside. The regret that has been tormenting him throughout the years. It's time to free him from pain.

Today, at the Park of Hopes, where beautiful White Oak trees with orange, red and yellow leaves decorate the once green grass in the Fall. There's a calm lake in the middle of the park, where ducks spend all summer waiting for people to show up and feed them all day. And like every year, there's a little reunion. Family, friends and even the ones that once were enemies sit on top of the hill, where the water reflects the fiery sunsets, leaving behind a sense of loneliness as the light slowly vanishes where the sun meets the high mountains of Montgomery Village. Everyone comes here to celebrate life.

My life.

For almost three years I've been walking the world, gaining the strength I needed to come and visit this place. The place that brings most of the painful and sweet memories of my whole life. A life I only got to leave for sixteen years. Every year I tried to gain all the strength possible and the courage, courage to walk in front of all the people that kept me in their hearts for so long, I could never do it. Today, for some reason, I feel that I will do it, finally, I've gained the necessary strength to finally set them free, set him free, and finally free myself from this trapped space between all of us.

Finally, I can see my mother smile happily. My father shows a gentler expression. I see how my sister has grown from a misunderstood teenager, to be a person that cares for others. My friends, they haven't changed much; I would never want them to. That would make me really sad. And him, to see those eyes that still intimidate me, but make me melt as his guard fades. Those eyes that made me for once question God, why did he let this happen to me? Why me?

But with the years I got my answer.

"Hey, Cameron, were you happy, back then did I fulfill my purpose in life?" I asked, but sure he couldn't hear my voice. Not anymore.

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Fri Jul 13, 2018 10:37 pm
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Carlito wrote a review...



Hi!! Welcome to YWS! We're so happy to have you :D
Dramatic teen fiction is my favorite so I'm here to write you a review!

My first thought after reading is iiiiiinteresting. I want a lot more information!

Usually when I real people's prologues I give them a speech about how prologues are not necessary most of the time. This prologue could be an exception. It's hard to say without having the rest to read yet. So I'm guessing that this is about a dead person who is still somehow on the earth and is now able to come back and see (with happiness) that the people they love are doing okay.

If from here we go back and see the whole story of this person unfold and see how their relationship with Cameron developed and see how they die (if they die), this could be a good prologue.

I like that other than Cameron, you don't name names yet and you keep with the he and she. It creates some nice mystery and intrigue because I want to know more about these people.

Where I do think you could give a little more, is making it a little more clear that the narrator is dead (if in fact the narrator is dead). Because I can infer that, but I'm not 100% sure, and it should be an easy thing to deduce from the prologue. If the reader isn't sure who the narrator is in the beginning, they may be hesitant to read on. It also feels a touch melodramatic (with who I'm assuming is the ex-lover - the dead person - coming back to see Cameron happy and everyone else happy) but I don't mind some melodrama :p

Overall, I'm intrigued! Let me know if you end up posting more of this story, because I'll keep reading! And let me know if you have any questions, if there's something you'd like feedback about that I didn't mention, or if you need anything at all as you get used to the site :D



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OMG! I totally forgot about this site! I'm sorry it took me forever to reply! Thank you so much for your feedback! :)



Carlito says...


No worries!! Welcome back! :)



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Fri Jul 13, 2018 5:50 pm
shaniac wrote a review...



Hello, shaniac here to review your piece!

When you start of a prologue with dialogue or any chapter really, it can be kind of confusing because you are introducing a character that you haven't described much of. You kind of want to build up to the dialogue and first start off with what is happening, where is this story taking place, and why is this scene important. Usually, a prologue explains something that happens later on down the line and this helpful article can help you with figuring out the importance of the prologue.

In the first few lines, there are a few tense changes. I don't know if you are just finding out your writing style or not but when you are writing, you should have a constant tense throughout. The best bet with this is that you could go to past because I'm guessing, this is happening in the past. Another thing I noticed is that you don't really give meaning as to why the guy doesn't give the girl a reason for leaving. I think you could hint at it for the readers.

Halfway through the prologue, you change POV. It is kind of confusing because, in the beginning, you are talking about a guy who is leaving and then now I think the reader is looking into the guy's head? I think the transition could be a bit smoother and as the writer, you could provide some background as to why this is happening.

For almost three years I've been walking the world...


I think if three years have passed, you should show it on a date or something. Like with what you did in the beginning but instead of 2010, it'd be 2013. Then, later on, you mention sixteen years and it kind of makes me wonder if this how old the narrator is or something else? You could clarify that in the writing, as well.

Every year I tried to gain all the strength possible and the courage, courage to walk in front of all the people that kept me in their hearts for so long, I could never do it.


This line is a bit rough. I want to focus on the 'I tried to gain all the strength possible' because I think it'd sound better as 'I tried to gather all my strength' because the narrator is talking about themselves in this bit. Then next thing is you shouldn't repeat courage twice, back to back. I think instead you should just get rid of the second courage because, without it, the sentence will still make sense. And finally, the last bit which kind of ties into my second thing that I mentioned. I do think you could make that a separate sentence since the last thing is kind of a runoff.

Those eyes that made me for once question God, why did he let this happen to me? Why me?


Since the narrator is thinking the 'god, why did he let this happen to me? Why me?', it should be in italics to show that she is thinking about it. Also, I realized that in the ending, the narrator is actually the girl from the beginning. Which again, I think you should transition into that nicely.

To cap, I think there is a lot of questions in this prologue and where you might go with it. I do like that there is a lot of, I guess, self-doubt in here as well as hope. I suggest working on transitioning into the different POV, introducing characters a bit earlier than starting a chapter off with dialogue, and the tense changes in the beginning (and sometimes throughout this piece). Have a good day/night and if you have any questions, let me know!



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thank you so much for your feedback, I will work on this ;)




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