I am intoxicated!
Intoxicated by him-
That man whom
I had seen about a dozen months back.
Just one glance,
Of his angelic physique-
Set me wanting for him.
Just one slight flirtatious
Wink from his eyes,
Set my head reeling.
Just one naughty smile
From his passionate lips-
Set me in the train
Of extreme passion.
Just one little ’Hi, how do you do?’
Had me set my foot
In his trap of love.
Just one formal handshake
And a touch of his powerful hands-
Had me almost falling
And resting on his chest.
Just one flattering compliment-
Set me listening to him
As if he was the Romeo or Casanova of my dreams.
Just one formal night with him-
Set me going gaga over him.
Just one short meeting with him,
Has left me intoxicated by him.
HEY YOU GUYS OUT THERE............ IF U LIKE THIS POEM THEN SEND A MESSAGE TO nicole_coolchic@yahoo.co.in
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
okkk i get you all
next poem i write.......... would tend to be perfect
Good poem...
It just needs to be written a little differently so that we can visualize him.
Welcome to the YWS!!!!!!! This poem has a ton of potential, just put in more details and this could be an awesome poem. I love romantic stuff. How did he look at you, what did he look like, how did he say your name? Anyway this is a good poem, it needs some editing.
Before I start, I'd like to say Welcome to Young Writer's Society! Just for the record, we do have a few rules around here you ought to be aware of. Please don't write your poem titles (or anything else for that matter) in all caps. It is annoying and will not encourage people to come and read your work. Also, we ask that everyone read/review two stories/poems before posting one and that they keep their review/writing at roughly that ratio. This way more people get to share their work and get comments.
Now, on to the poem.
I get it. You're obsessed with this guy. The main question is...why? Is it his looks? Cologne? Humor? Intelligence? You touch on this with "angelic physique" and "passionate lips", but you need to go deeper. I'd throw in some more physical description and scenery. I get that this was a formal event, but what type? A ball? A high school prom? A wedding? A funeral? A star-studded charity event? Use sensory detail to set the scene, then describe him so we can actually feel how he stands out. He must have been pretty memorable for you to be intoxicated after a year. Unfortunately, this poem does not show this. Throw in some more detail and this idea will have potential.
Keep writing!
Hey, welcome to YWS! A couple things:
1. It's a bad idea to put your full name on the internet. All sorts of scary things could happen. I edited it out.
2. Please don't use capslock for your titles. It's annoying to many members here, and against the site rules.
Check out this page for info.
Thank you!