Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
I looked up at the night starry sky, wishing what it's like to explore the world. My tail swayed with the wind as I neighed loudly, letting it echo through the night.
"Dear, Mr. Whoever is the master of the dumb creations of the Earth, let me explore this damn world!"
I kneeled down, bending my back hooves and extending the front hooves.
"...skadoosh."
I started to walk down the grassy fields as I came across... a gummy bear. A legitimate gummy bear who walks and talks... retardedly. The gummy bear started to breathe in and out slowly as he smiled at me like a geek.
"Hi, Kevin..." He said my name all slow and creepy-like. I shuddered as he called out to me.
"Ugh... hey, Stupid." I'm not calling him stupid. His name is literally called Stupid.
“Hi, Kevin…”
“Shut up, you fool! I am listening… to Gandalf the Grey. Or was it white? Or both?”
Stupid hopped up on my back and started to smack my arse. “To Candy Mountain!”
“Ey! I’m not freaking Charlie, you dumb bear! God, YouTube got more retarded…”
“Come on…!!! Candy Mountain…”
I sighed as I started walking to a mountain, then I started to mumble words. A spell, actually.
“OHHH! GIVE ME HUMAN SOUL, FOR THIS FORM IS DULL… LL… LL.”
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139,233 Literary Works • 672,518 Reviews
Hey Kanome, here as requested!
I don't really know what to say about this... it's random, but it makes sense and it was a lot of fun to read. It's so ridiculous it's awesome, and you set a real great tone for the start of it. I just wish it had been a bit longer, because I did want to read more!
Really like the Gandalf reference.
Technical issues - I'm not going to point them out specifically, because it feels a little redundant to do so for this piece, because it's not serious, and I figure you didn't post it so that people would correct your grammar on it, and nothing I noticed was really major anyway. Just keep and eye out on the flow, because there are a couple of sentences that are worded in a way that's a little iffy.
Aside from that, good job, and I enjoyed reading it!
ok, it didn't take me long to realise that this work was very tongue in cheek. And that is the main reason I like it.
With character names like with Mr. Whoever... it is like you are taking the mickey out of every fantasy story going.
I totally get the Lord of the Rings reference.
I just love this work.
Favourite line: “Shut up, you fool! I am listening… to Gandalf the Grey. Or was it white? Or both?”
Just a total disregard for cavalier fantasy. XD
Loved it.
Hi!
K, so I've a feeling you're not really looking for crazy serious criticism on this...
However, the thing about using randomness as humour is that it's often much more effective when sprinkled sparingly amongst the mundane and ordinary. That way, the random comes across as much more random, and it has greater shock value. Here, everything's random, so none of it's random. If that makes sense.
Lines like this are a bit too self-aware. The ellipsis shows that you know that you're being random, and consequently the randomness isn't as random or as effortless as it could be, which in turns detracts from the humour.
Anyway. Those are just my thoughts. ^_^
-twit
I have a feeling you're going to have a lot of fun with this... hahaha
I love Charlie the unicorn! Keep writing more please
xD Trust me, I wrote more during my high school days so I will be posting more soon c: