Heyo Kanome, Flite here for a review.
First of all, this is not by any means a prologue, you should read this article and gain a better understanding of what a prologue is and how it is used before sticking it before your a chapter. They're dangerous things. Anyways, moving on.
What was the point of this chapter? What are you trying to say, this is more like a plot summary or the start of a fairytale more than an actual chapter or even a prologue. The story opens in a fairytale atypical voice which instantly put me off because it's too mundane and too cliche. Moving onto the first paragraph, massive info dump on who Aleoa is and the kingdom she lives in but I gain nothing about her as a character or the context of this story. Then an old woman took shelter and for some reason, she blessed the princess even though the king did nothing other than offering her shelter.
The latter part of the story comes across as disjointed from the first, the consequences of the curse comes as somewhat abrupt and random. You didn't explain what happened after the curse and then jump directly to the results. And there are a lot of unanswered questions, what happened to her parents, why was she locked inside a tower, who locked her inside the tower? Is the princess brain dead, can't she find a place to run? What about her parents? Couldn't they help, there are better ways to deal with this than just locking her in a tower.
Another main problem is also the tone of your piece, it's entirely telling. Because of that, it's flat and lifeless, it's like reading nutritional facts off the side of a cereal box. This article will give you a basic run-down of how to do it. Show us, don't tell us that the man was a bastard, tell us that kicked a puppy. I also feel that this is once again, more of a plot summary than an actual chapter. This idea seems interesting though, so keep me updated shall you ever continue this.
Hope I helped.
-Flite
Points: 561
Reviews: 476
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