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Apathy of the Weasle

by KanekiManjushage


Lectures, talking, sounds

Through the glass

a girl passing the opposite corridor

Past the window, a tree dancing

everything’s green

Teachers garbled lecture

students talking

The fan washing the sound

the teacher raising his hand

rubs his neck

The wind is blowing westward

A joke

someone laughs

Another teacher enters the class opposite

Voices rising

Shrieks

Shouting’s

And then silence

Frustration

The teacher walks out 


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117 Reviews


Points: 11345
Reviews: 117

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Wed Nov 02, 2016 10:28 pm
Astronomer wrote a review...



Hello there, KanekiManjushage!
This is Moonwatcher here with a review! ^-^

I feel as if the poem is extremely choppy. There's abrupt stops, and every line is very short. There's no punctuation such as commas (although this is a stylistic choice), or (not that I recommend adding a rhyme) a rhyme scheme to help and benefit the flow of the poem, and if you were to conjoin the sentences, the poem would be even shorter than it is now. So in conclusion, I suggest finding some way to help improve the flow of your poem, and make it a lot easier for the reader to read.

I do agree that the meaning of the poem is somewhat obscure until the end, although I'm not going to give you information that the last reviewer already shared with you. Looking at possible symbolism, is there any indirect meaning in the poem?

Your imagery is to the point, and doesn't give much emotion or feelings to the reader. I suggest adding some metaphor, or something that will make the poem more unique and strong.

I'm very curious as to why the title is titled "Apathy of the Weasle". What made you choose this, in particular?

I don't really know what kind of impact this poem is trying to affect the reader with. All I have picked up is that the teacher is angry at their students and leaves, but how is this important to the reader, and how did you want them to feel?

That's all I have to say about this poem. I hope this review helped you out, and keep on writing! ^-^




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7 Reviews


Points: 36
Reviews: 7

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Thu Oct 20, 2016 4:43 pm
Cathe993 wrote a review...



Hi, Cathe993 here!

First, this is a pretty hard literary work to review. From what I understand, you are trying to show a teacher's frustration over his students' behavior, right? That isn't super clear in the beginning of your work, though you do the descriptions amazingly clear during the end of your work.

Is this a poem or something else? It seems a bit like a poem to me.

When you write, "teachers garbled lecture" do you mean "a teacher's garbled lecture" or "teachers' garbled lectures"? I think it would help if you put punctuation--commas and periods--into your work.

I like your short descriptions and phrases that describe a typical school/classroom. Immensely.

Hope this helps. :) Keep writing!





These were autumn mornings, the time of year when kings of old went forth to conquest; and I, never stirring from my little corner in Calcutta, would let my mind wander over the whole world.
— Rabindranath Tagore, The Cabuliwallah