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My love now my Fear!

February 24, 2010
Poetry
Narrative

Hey guys,
This is my latest work, needs a lot of editing. Any suggestions?

My love now my Fear!

Was it real to begin with, the complete emptiness fills its void so vividly,
it’s hard to see why I came here.
The sand seems grey with desire and as my happiness is rusted away,
the screams are echoed in my afterlife.
My love now my Fear!

Oh how I wished to love you and in the midst of my transgressions,
Deceit and the Lust resonating in the air.
I saw You,
And you saw me.
My existence was more suitable to anarchy, yours to symmetry.
I, floating towards the hyperbole of each perceptible experience; You, drifting asleep yet so awake.
God how I thought of Daria!

Is it worth the feeling, the false entrapment of my true being?
This is you, this is me, you are me I am you and we are us. EXTASCY.
The consummation of our souls began.
I was one with you.

Nothing lasts forever.
The anxiety will begin to breed what the Fear fed on.
The beginning was as eminent as the end.
You saw me.
My lies were laid bare in front of us,
Staring at me in silence.
A cast of acceptance in your eyes.

Your Love was unconditional, returning me to the common duality I once lacked.

Comments & reviews · 2

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Pacific_Sky14

Review

Pacific_Sky14 wrote a review · Fri Feb 26, 2010 8:53 pm

"The sand seems grey with desire and as my happiness is rusted away"
the sand being gray with desire doesn't sound right, why not say something different and you can keep the other half. I dont know what you want to put. It is very deep, personally to me because it has everything to do with a relationship with this guy who sits next to me in english class. Oh, geesh I think he read one of my poems about him when I got up...EERRG anyways, sorry.
Achhhum.
Overall you did a very good job.
My favorite line is "My existence was more suitable to anarchy, yours to symmetry."
So good, and my second one, "You saw me.My lies were laid bare in front of us,Staring at me in silence.A cast of acceptance in your eyes." Oh, my gosh you are TALENTED.

Yes, breathe the word in...breathe the word out. Nice job, ^.6 Keep writing!
~Skyy.