Published March 27, 2008
Ok, below is the (stupid term of people these days) emo-depressed me writing when I was angry, but wanted it to seem more fictionous. I wasn't sure yet where I was going with it, but I have had several ideas, and am currently trying to formulate it so that it will come out the way I want it.
Criticism is always welcome.
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I'm scared, obviously, as it is normal for all humans to feel scared in death, and I especially don't want to die. But it was my own fault for not thinking my plan out thoroughly, and now I have to live with that decision for only a little while longer. I'm just sorry I didn't do anything worthwhile with my life. I'm sorry I argued with my parents about the things I wanted to do in my life. I overreacted way too much and now I am punished. My time now has almost come to an end, as the hour draws to a close. There is only one thing I can and will now say to everyone I love; "Death is only the beginning." I may suffer, or I may die quickly, it is still unknown to me. But knowing that quote helps me to know that there may be something beyond the life of human suffering and pain. My time has run out, and still I am scared, but not so much as I was before. From beginning to end, from end to end, "death is only the beginning."
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What a concise, thoughtful piece. I really love it!
Hello! Nitpicks first.
The period after "love" should be a colon."Quick" should be "quickly," Adverb, not adjective, dear. The comma after "to me" should be a period. The comma after "helps me" should be deleted. All said and done, your sentence should read like this: "I may suffer, or I may die quickly, it is still unknown to me. But knowing that quote helps me to know that there may be something beyond the life of human suffering and pain."
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Is there more to this? If so, I suggest you post larger amounts at a time, because I don't really have anything to comment on. The only suggestion I have is that you add more imagery.
Also, is this a prologue? If so, I think you should say so. ^_~
Hope this helps. Good luck!
~Azila~
Some interesting concepts about death.
I would have written some more before posting, however. Normally even Prologue's aren't this short. And spacing would be amazing.
So, ummm, what is this? This is FICTION, right? I'm not getting that vibe. Feels more like one of your own diary entries. There's no characters, no setting, no plot. You mention parents, sure, but whose parents?
And I'm assuming you aren't going to continue this, since it ends with death. Needs answers if it's going to really work as fiction.
I really like this! It is very short but it says so much! Everyone, especially me, is scared of death I'm sure, and you stated that through this peice! Great job!
Happy Writing~
~Lulu