Published May 1, 2008
Please delete :)
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140,597 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
As you wish, your majesty. Please excuse me for following the basic grammar rules that I've come to learn over the past sixteen years.
Seriously, no need to be offended by something so trivial. It was a mistake.
Before I give you any comments, please get rid of that appostrophe. You aren't talking about anything that belongs to a haiku.
Yeah i think the syllables are a little off. The writer we had with us that week though said it didn't matter, that a lot of writers don't follow the 5-7-5 formatting.
This is extremely good. I didn't count the syllables, but mostly focused on the structure and word choice. #3, I think you should write instead of being lazy because you can "turn off" readers that way. I loved the way some lines seemed to rhyme. Liked the repetition and the condensing language. Well done, but needs some polishing to earn my star.