Is everyone normal?
Everyone except me?
‘Cause I feel too formal,
or is it just me?
Am I really that weird?
Is that just how I am?
I have nothing smeared
On my face or my hand
So why do you laugh,
When I smile at you?
Like I’m some odd calf,
Or I’m purple or blue!
I wish to be normal
Just like you
And not be too formal,
Nor look like a shrew.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hey there!
I think your concept was great, but it seems almost like you mocked it. It seems like you really don't care to answer the questions you posed at the beginning. It seemed like you were just having fun, trying to make a poem. I think that if you want to keep it like this, you should identify the speaker as a child, or say the poem is meant to be humorous.
"Is everyone normal?
Everyone except me?
‘Cause I feel too formal,
or is it just me?"
Okay, the first two lines could have really led into something strong, but "'cause I feel too formal" makes it seem like a joke. Is the speaker at a party, overdressed? That's how it seems.
I think you should have led up to
"Am I really that weird?
Is that just how I am?
I have nothing smeared
On my face or my hand" by giving examples on how the speaker felt weird. It seems like you tried to point out that nothing was physically wrong with you to cause staring, but you made it seem really young, slightly childish. Try a deeper example of why there is no reason to stare.
"So why do you laugh,
When I smile at you?
Like I’m some odd calf,
Or I’m purple or blue!"
The first two lines are fine, it's the examples you gave after that that ruined it. Like I said earlier, you need mature, deeper examples.
Alright, so the last stanza,
"I wish to be normal
Just like you
And not be too formal,
Nor look like a shrew."
As usual, first two line - fine. After that I go back to the formal question - is the speaker at the party overdressed? And these examples are a bit childish.
Overall, if the poem was meant to be funny or childish/not serious, you should have specified. But I think you could really do something with this theme!
~Epic
Hi,
First this needs some serious redoing. Not because it is bad but because it isn't really anything. It is like a quote or saying but not a story, poem or anything.
Take this idea and turn it into a really good poem, because the idea is there for a great one.
By itself get rid of the last line "ALWAYS happens" as it ruins the mood of it.
I would love to read a poem about this or even just a short story with this idea!
Good idea though just think about how you are going to present it!
Nargles xx