Misake, Second Half of Part One

My eyes popped open reluctantly. The sun was covered by clouds that spoke of rain and storms. Today was Saturday, so there wasn't going to be any schooling for me. Instead, I was going to be allowed the entire day to lay in bed and write poetry. Writing about Celyn was pretty much all I wanted to do, and hopefully the poetry would help clear m mind. Maybe if I wrote about it enough, I would know what to do. Why did I care so strongly about this man I’ve never even truly met? Why did everything feel so numb right now?

I didn’t feel like myself anymore. Misake the Mistake was gone, and in her place was a new Misake. One that just wanted to rescue her Celyn. There was nothing to stop me from saving Celyn. Yet there was nothing forcing me to go. This was actually the first time in my life that anything had been left entirely up to me. Normally, it was up to the person in the department that just happened to have my name under it. The name that had been a part of me for so long was actually staring to become meaningless.

Who was Misake? I had been so focused for so long on how little I had, and how much I wanted, that I never thought about who I was. Who am I? That question was so big, it became almost impossible to answer. I thought about it a lot, though, and reached a conclusion. Misake is someone who would leave everything behind for a man she didn't know. There wasn't anything important I was leaving behind. There wasn't anything here that wanted me to stay, or anything that kept me from wanting to leave. The only things I really cared about were my poetry and my novels, and those could be replaced. Poetry could always be rewritten. I wrote a poem now, with Celyn in mind.

Your wings, feathered black

There's no turning back

A flower picked takes me to you

A flower started as a seed but then it grew

And maybe something else will grow too

A friendship between me and you

His wings always made me think about what other creatures could reside in Kaiserin. I thought a lot about the other realms he spoke about. There was so much that could exist within them, and so little I knew about them. I wondered if every creature had the same elongated ears that Celyn had. I wondered if anyone other than royalty had wings, and I wondered how the wings transferred to the queen when she married the king, or vice versa. I wondered what Celyn's parents were like.

There's so much I don't know

About the places you grew up in

There's so much I don't know

About your family and your kin

There's so much I don't know

About the pain behind your smile

Will I ever know?

I hoped one day Celyn would tell me about everything he has known for his entire life. Maybe even one day, he could show it all to me. Then I could see with my own eyes everything his own eyes had already gotten used to. I smiled and stretched out on my bed, eager for the night to come. I was slowly coming to a decision as every minute went by, and hopefully by the time I fell asleep I would be set in what I wanted to do. If I was going to save Celyn, I didn't want to keep him waiting. No one deserves to be imprisoned. My eyes gazed up at my purple ceiling, but all i could see as Celyn's soft smile, his aristocratic nose and his high cheekbones. Celyn truly was a handsome prince, and perhaps he could be my first true friend. Having a friend would be so nice.

I climbed out of bed and grabbed some food from the kitchen. My foster family was sitting in the living room, watching television together. "Will you join us, Misake?" My foster mother asked, and I smiled.

"I want to, but I would like to spend the day writing while I have the time. Thank you, though." My foster mother smiled and looked back towards the tv, and I re-entered my room silently. My mind kept imagining the creatures that would inhabit Minasdess. I wondered how bad of a crime you would have to commit in order to be banished, and I also wondered how someone could be banished to a realm but never return. Traveling between the realms seemed so confusing to me.

As I ate my snack, I considered my choices. To be honest, there wasn’t really much of a choice. Saving Celyn was a thousand times better than continuing to live my life here on Earth. Here, I had no real purpose but in Minasdess... There was something to strive for. A reason to keep moving forward, and that was exactly what I wanted.

The only thing left to ponder was Celyn’s use of the words, “you wouldn’t believe me even if I told you.” Was there something he was hiding from me? For some reason, it sure felt like it. I sighed and cleaned up my mess, then laid back down on my bed and thought words of poetry.

Are you worth risking my life?

Is it worth all of the strife?

I’ll never know unless

I pluck that flow from the abyss

Black walls encased us

Dark night embraced us

What will it be like when sunlight hits our faces?

Will we both finally learn our places?

For I feel you are as lost as I

My lonely prince with the big, dark eyes

I noticed now that all of my poetry from today asked questions. I was filled with so many questions. There were too many to ask in the short times Celyn and I had been together. I wondered if he would still be able to visit my dreams when I entered Minasdess. There were almost too many thoughts in my head to fall asleep, but I knew I was going to have to at some point.

Will you be my friend?

I’ll ask with trepidation.

Will you stay to the end?

Silent questions make lacerations

On my heart and wrists

Make the pain go away with a kiss

My own poetry was beginning to bother me. Not only were my words becoming angsty, but I was beginning to enter the realm of love. A realm that should never exist for a person like me. I didn’t even know how to love at this point. What is love, anyway? Just another excuse for people to be close. What I never understood, was why people had to be close with one another. It ultimately just leads to hurt in the end. People are always abandoned, especially in my case.

I remembered a time in elementary school, when I had already realized my fate. Another girl had come up to me and asked to be my friend, typical of kids our age back then. I had told her “no,” however, and she immediately began to cry. “I don’t mean to be mean,” I had consoled in my younger voice. “It’s just that I’m always leaving, and I don't want to be your friend and leave you in a few months. That might hurt you.”

“Okay,” she had answered, then stopped crying and asked another girl to be her friend. Probably the closest I had ever come to having a friend. After that, people generally stayed away from me, even when I moved away and went to different schools. There had never been anyone who had tried to get close to me. Maybe it was something about my disposition, but everyone stayed away. I liked it that way.

Night was falling on the horizon, and I ended up back at my window as I had been last night. There were no stars though, this time they were covered by clouds. I wondered if this was an ominous sign of things that were to come for me. I had to admit, I was a little scared about my future. There was a lot to be scared about, but a lot to be excited about as well. Now that Celyn had entered my life, I had the choice to live a life of adventure. There was no doubt that he was only a dream, it was unlikely something like this could ever happen. The only true question now was if I would pick that flower tonight.

When Celyn saw me, his eyes showed a mix of feelings I could not define. “Oh Misake, I’ve missed you.” Someone missed me? That was certainly a new feeling. “How was your day?” And I could tell he actually cared about the response to that question.

“I spent it writing poetry and thinking of you.” i blushed when I realized that I had admitted thinking about him, but he didn't seem to take it the wrong way.

“You write poetry?” Celyn asked, and I nodded and sat on the inky ground. The flower had indeed flowered now, and it looked beautiful. Inside the petals was a little orb, and inside I could see dark mountains and craggy hills. “That’s Minasdess.” Celyn told me quietly, and I gazed deeper into the little orb. An entire realm sat, encased by beautiful violet-red petals. “Could I... Could I hear one of your poems?” I was shocked, to say the least. No one had ever asked to hear my poems before.

A moment of inspiration took me, and I stood up to face me chained angel. “Here’s one I came up with just now, for you Celyn.” I spoke quietly and calmly as I recited a poem that spoke my fate.

“I will rescue you.

Not just for a prophecy

Because I care for you.”

I leaned in and kissed his cheek, something I had never done for anyone before. The moment seemed frozen in time, and even Celyn looked shocked. He couldn’t have possibly been more shocked than I, though. I was changing as a person, and Celyn was only the beginning. “You’ll save me?” Celyn asked, exhaling slowly.

“I will.”

“Then there’s things you should know. When you land in Minasdess, you’ll be far from where I am. You will land in a forest with a bag, a bow, and five arrows. Those arrows can be used as weapons and as currency in the villages that speckle the map of Minasdess.” Suddenly I had the urge to take out a pencil and paper to mark all of this down. Seeing my expression, Celyn’s own softened. “You’ll be fine, my Misake. I believe in you.”

With those words, I knew it was time. Celyn nodded at me, and I studied his face intently. Then I grasped the flowers stem firmly, and plucked it from the inky floor.