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Young Writers Society



The Ferals

by KAVOR17


The boy was only about 13 years old but had made the torturous journey up the mountain. He stood on a sharp cliff at the very top of the icy mountain. His hands bled, his ears were numb but the pain was well worth it.

With majestic beauty the snow-covered mountains surrounded the huge forest. The frozen forest was beautiful with icicles glittering in the last of the sunlight as they hung off of the old pines and hibernating oaks. Even from the boy’s height the forest hid the pristine lake and river from all viewers.

Then the boy saw something that marred the scene's beauty. Smoke, a thick black smoke swirled high above the mountains opposite to the boy.

"The humans must be killing each other again," the boy growled.

A crisp wind disturbed the boy's clothing. Surprisingly the boy wore very little; a sleeveless fur vest covered his torso revealing his muscular and heavily tattooed arms. He also wore deerskin pants and boots that were a slightly lighter brown then his bear fur vest. These were a novice’s Feral clothing.

*500 years ago*

The Karcli were a small nature-loving group who lived on the edge of a forest. Long they formed an alliance with the country of magic, Aglia, due to being so close to the Aglian capital. The Karcli soon just were absorbed into the faster growing Aglia. But tensions grew when the Karclians sensed the strain on the land from the reckless use of magic.

Then Aglia went to war with the neighboring warrior country of Clashr, the Karcli went to the front line using their nature magics to defend their land. Despite their best efforts, the Aglians were pressed back to Karclian forest, which was standing in between the Clashrans Army and Aglian capital, Racadi.

The Karcli put up a valiant defense against the crushing hordes of Clashr. Karclian magics killed thousands of Clashran warriors. But it was not enough, the Karcli were pressed back to their city that lay on the edge of the wood towards Racadi. Clashran warriors ran through the trees toward victory, to Racadi. Ignoring the Karclian Elders' pleas the archmages of Racadi set fire to the Karcli's beloved woods. The Clashrans were even surprised on how reckless the mages had been and reeled as the majority or their army burned in those woods.

The remaining Kracli were homeless and enraged. Their eyes now glowed with animalistic magic amplifying the dangerous expressions they wore. They stormed into the wondrous city of Racadi and marched to the palace. There High Archmage Torkon, the leader of Aglia and the man who personally set fire to the Kreclian woods, awaited. Alex, leader of the Karcli and Speaker of the Elders, walked up to Torkon in blinding rage. Before the waiting Torkon could respond, Alex waved his hand. Torkon screamed as his arms spread into oak branches, his feet shoved through the stone plaza floor growing into roots, his face turned to wood but it’s remained visible in the trunk of the now fully-grown oak tree.

Before the Aglian mages could react the other Kraclians cast a spell in union. The wind picked up into a cyclone that surrounded the animalistic people, shaking the branches of the new tree. The Kraclians disappeared from view and suddenly the cyclone stopped revealing no Kraclians. The Kraclians had finally broke away from Aglasia renaming themselves the Ferals after their new found power.

The last of Ferals were seen by the Clashr. He was a messenger telling the Clashr how to overcome Racadi's defenses. Then he was seen headed toward the Northern Mountains before vanishing over a hill. Unfortunately for the Clashr, they never got another chance to attack Racadi. With the Clashrian army all but gone and the Aglian mages leaderless the to countries formed a peace treaty.

*500 years later*

The boy only stayed there a moment longer.

It would be dark soon; he must find a quicker route down the mountain and to his village. He smiled, he knew one that would be fast but it ruined the chance of the challenge he was hoping for. His tattoos began to glow a faint white. The face that was smiling quickly sprouted a thick white fur; even his closely shorn hair grew to match the rest. The smiling face grew a snout with a twitching black nose. But the changes weren't just on the face; fur grew to cover his whole body.

Now where there once was a boy stood a proud, white wolf with a eerie smile on it maw. It turned around to go back the way came but suddenly there was another wolf standing there. This one was all black but its eyes revealed it was far more then just a beast. The black wolf jumped with a snarl on the stunned white wolf beating off the giant cliff. The white wolf fell to its certain death but in a moment it was a great eagle soaring out over the forest toward home.

The black wolf jumped after it shifting into a small black falcon. The falcon caught up to the larger eagle and now playfully flew circles around it. They were headed home. The two great birds dived but the forest's canopy didn't even quiver as the birds landed in the middle of a small clearing. They were next to a lake that was hidden from the sky by a great oak growing from a small island in the middle of the water. A river flowed peacefully out of the lake. In the distance a waterfall sang as the birds grew in size.

Wings became arms, talons to deerskin boots, and beaks to smiling lips. A girl stood where there was once a black falcon laughing at the familiar boy.

"You should have seen your face, Jovl!" the girl howled. Jovl looked at her. She had her night-black hair back in a ponytail leaving only her bangs to hang loose. She flicked them out of her face revealing startling green eyes. Her apparel was only a fur shirt that only covered her chest and shoulders with a skirt that appeared to be made out of rabbit fur. Mystic tattoos swirled around her arms, belly, and legs.

"I just was just...oh be quiet, Ava!" Jovl yelled at her scowling. His ice blue eyes softened when she stopped laughing. "How did you find me anyway?"

"The Elders told me to go get you down from there before dark," Ava said with a roll of her eyes. She hated taking orders or abiding by rules.

"I wasn't aware they knew where I went," Jovl muttered.

"Let go, we're late for dinner as it is," Ava replied sounding distracted. Jovl followed her eyes to the chestnut brown rabbit sitting in front of them. The rabbit looked innocently back with eyes that showed deeper intelligence then what appeared. Jovl looked deeper in the hazel eyes and saw the flame of primal power his and Ava's eyes shared.

"Hello Brak," Ava said sharply. The rabbit grew in size and transformed fully in the boy name Brak. Brak was a boy that was a head shorter then both Jovl and Ava. He wore the same novice Feral clothing as Jovl did but his tattoos wrapped up around his shins, forearms, and cheeks. He had hazel eyes and chestnut hair. Brak wasn't as strong as Ava or Jovl but held more knowledge.

"That spell failed utterly. Why? I do not know. I read it in the Library, it should have masked my identity even from other Feral's." Brak said as if he wasn't surprised that Ava recognized him. "Hurry to the Library! The Elders have announcement to make."

"You are the Elders little pet aren't you Brak?" Ava spat at him. "You still try and hide what the announcement is when we have repeatedly ask you as a friend?"

Jovl rolled his eyes at this recurring argument.


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Fri Aug 07, 2020 2:02 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: This sounds like quite an interesting story. Quite a rich backstory that you have created here for this pretty simple short story and that's nice to see. Its a pretty fun story. The flow was maybe a little clunky with that chunk of exposition right at the center but it was still mostly fine expecially because the present day part flowed quite nicely.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The boy was only about 13 years old but had made the torturous journey up the mountain. He stood on a sharp cliff at the very top of the icy mountain. His hands bled, his ears were numb but the pain was well worth it.


Decent opening para. It has a bit of an establishing shot sort of vibe to it.

With majestic beauty the snow-covered mountains surrounded the huge forest. The frozen forest was beautiful with icicles glittering in the last of the sunlight as they hung off of the old pines and hibernating oaks. Even from the boy’s height the forest hid the pristine lake and river from all viewers.


Great description there.

*500 years later*


This entire previous section sounds really good. Its a cool scene that brings out some great visuals and its quite interesting but it just feels like too much of a history lesson and it ultimately without it the story would be just as enjoyable so it just feels like an unnecessary amount of emotion to be disrupting the flow of the main narrative.

It would be dark soon; he must find a quicker route down the mountain and to his village. He smiled, he knew one that would be fast but it ruined the chance of the challenge he was hoping for. His tattoos began to glow a faint white. The face that was smiling quickly sprouted a thick white fur; even his closely shorn hair grew to match the rest. The smiling face grew a snout with a twitching black nose. But the changes weren't just on the face; fur grew to cover his whole body.


Nice description of that change there.

"You should have seen your face, Jovl!" the girl howled. Jovl looked at her. She had her night-black hair back in a ponytail leaving only her bangs to hang loose. She flicked them out of her face revealing startling green eyes. Her apparel was only a fur shirt that only covered her chest and shoulders with a skirt that appeared to be made out of rabbit fur. Mystic tattoos swirled around her arms, belly, and legs.

"I just was just...oh be quiet, Ava!" Jovl yelled at her scowling. His ice blue eyes softened when she stopped laughing. "How did you find me anyway?"


This is a pretty natural sounding conversation so points for that.

"You are the Elders little pet aren't you Brak?" Ava spat at him. "You still try and hide what the announcement is when we have repeatedly ask you as a friend?"

Jovl rolled his eyes at this recurring argument.


Of course he did that.

Aaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall it was written really well. The characters sounded pretty unique for the few moments that they were there for and the conversation was quite realistic so overall this is really well done and it was a fun little story to read.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sat Oct 06, 2007 2:10 am
Emerson says...



*locked*

Don't double post. If you edit something, use the " edit" button in the top right hand corner of your post to change it.




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Sat Oct 06, 2007 2:03 am
ennui says...



You really just didn't repost an edited piece from the day before, did you?





Life is about losing everything.
— Isabel Allende