z

Young Writers Society



I Can Hear The Piano

by K@thie


I can hear the piano playing.

Each note is beautiful in its own way.

I strike a chord as loud as I can,

and listen...

my anger, my frustration,

even my worst fears,

all resonated inside.

I can hear the piano playing,

and I can still hear that chord, staying...

as I linger on and wonder,

I wasn't listening to a piano,

they were my nightmares.

But my nightmares are my current reality.


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142 Reviews


Points: 1992
Reviews: 142

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Wed Nov 27, 2019 1:10 pm
looseleaf says...



I play the piano, so this poem really entertained me. I always like to play when I am mad or scared so that I can hear something I am good at. The poem is very descriptive and well written. It can be read quickly, but it is something that you enjoy reading and can remember. I really liked the ending and think it easily sums up this piece. The title is is wonderful and it really drew me in to reading this piece. Keep on writing poems, I look forward to reading them.




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142 Reviews


Points: 1992
Reviews: 142

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Wed Nov 27, 2019 1:10 pm
looseleaf wrote a review...



I play the piano, so this poem really entertained me. I always like to play when I am mad or scared so that I can hear something I am good at. The poem is very descriptive and well written. It can be read quickly, but it is something that you enjoy reading and can remember. I really liked the ending and think it easily sums up this piece. The title is is wonderful and it really drew me in to reading this piece. Keep on writing poems, I look forward to reading them.




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21 Reviews


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Fri Nov 22, 2019 6:00 pm
Hereticteen wrote a review...



I find this poem very interesting because I am a musician myself, and I understand all of the music-related details. I like how you said "... even my worst fears, all resonated inside." I think that resonated was a perfect word choice, as it is clearly inspired by music. I also really like your rhyme scheme pattern (non-existent). I think it would help to add for focus on notes and frequencies. Just something where you describe the tone set by the chords in order to give the story more of an environment. In a lot of my own stories, I love using sound to set the scene. I think this idea would be the perfect palate to incorporate more sound effect. Great poem though! Good job!




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Fri Nov 22, 2019 1:44 pm
JabberHut wrote a review...



Good morning!

I really like this piece and the theme behind it. There's so much emotion behind music, so diving into that idea offers a lot of opportunity for writers as there's so many aspects to explore. Here, the poem is journeying into more haunting melodies and the feelings that resonate in such scenarios.

I really like the middle portion the best, where it explicitly states the speaker's emotions resonate with the music. This is really a central point in your piece and I'd really have liked to see even more of this emotion being described. It's really such a cool idea and ties in so well with the music theme since music can project emotions so well and the idea that this big nasty chord is projecting the speaker's anger is really strong imagery.

There's also a couplet in there that's really freaking cool:

I can hear the piano playing,

and I can still hear that chord, staying...


This flows so well, and the surprise rhyme really stands out and sticks with the reader afterward. This might have been my favorite part of the piece, actually!

So I'd really think the poem could start out a little stronger, primarily have more to do with the central theme. As much as I liked this part, I think the "beautiful" line at the beginning felt very out-of-place, so it either never tied in well with the piece or just improperly set up the tone for what's to come. I really liked the idea of the speaker striking the chord, though. There's so much imagery and metaphor in this simple line that I'd have liked to see it tie in with the end. It's just a really good phrase for your piece!

Similarly, the line near the end where the speaker "lingers on" felt like weak transition to this really cool idea the piece finishes with. It left me wondering just how this all really took place as if it missed the part where the music died away but the emotion continued to resonate in the speaker's head. It seems like the speaker is supposed to be spiraling into a darkness of nightmarish voices and terrifying chords despite the music in reality having moved on to silence, but it just skipped all that so quickly!

I really like what you have here, and I think with maintaining the theme of the poem throughout the piece, it'll really stand strong on its own. Lots of fun things to do with this idea, and you've already tapped into some of it 'cause there are some really good moments here.

Well done! Keep writing! :D

Jabber, the One and Only!





You wake up in the morning and it feels impossible? Good. You do it anyway.
— Martin Scorcese