Young Writers Society

Hello! I am Hannah. Welcome to YWS! I hope you have a great time here.
Grows:
This paragraph right here is a good example for grammar, punctuation and capitalization mistakes.
"They reached the park, let us go feed the birds," Caroline's mom said. "No, let's take a walk around the lake first," her dad said. Caroline remembered how her parents could never agree, "let's go to the merry-go-round first," Caroline said. They headed for the merry-go-round, "this is going to be so much fun," Caroline said. "I call the blue horse." said dad. "You know I always ride the blue horse," her mom said. "You guys can take turns riding the blue horse."


Mistake 1:
Instead of, "They reached the park, let us go feed the birds," Caroline's mom said."
It should be:
"They reached the park.
'Let us go feed the birds.' Caroline's mom said."
Because you forgot the quotes first, it wasn't capitalized and was in the same sentence as the first one.

Mistake 2:
Instead of:
"Caroline remembered how her parents could never agree, 'let's go to the merry-go-round first,' Caroline said."
It should be
"Caroline remembered how her parents could never agree.
'Lets go to the merry-go-round first.' Caroline decided.
Because a regular sentence and dialogue should never be connected unless it is ..." said. And because I noticed that you used 'said' a lot. It is really sometimes hard to find other words but it is better to use other words. Also, again the dialogue is tucked into a paragraph.
There are lots of little nit-picky things like this in the story that you may want to fix.
Glows:
This was a good piece! I loved the theme, and I don't know many people who can pull off so many different ones! The conclusion was very nice and contented. Overall, aside from the minor, nit-picky grammar mistakes this was amazing! I am surprised at how good you did for your first time! Great job!

I hope you have a good review day, that you are enjoying 2021, that you keep writing and have a great day!


Hannah

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...I was expecting some sinister magical shennanigans here...didn't quite get that but what I did get, I think I like quite a bit. It tells a wonderful message and its a nice and neat little package that doesn't leave us in suspense about anything at the end. I think its a really fun little story.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Caroline Awoke just in time to see her mom pulling into the driveway of her new home on Mystic Road. She had just moved from New York to Mysticville, GA, with her mom, Julia. Caroline's parents had just divorced, so she and her mom had moved down south to Georgia to start a new life.

The house on Mystic Road was quiet and surrounded by beautiful trees, as beautiful as the new home was Caroline still missed her dad. She wished her parents would get back together. Caroline looked out at the beautiful trees and decided to take a walk outside.

She saw lots of beautiful birds as she was walking. There was a vibrant red bird on the ground looking for food. Looking at the birds had thrown her off track. The bird flew away, and she continued down the road to see the trees.

"Wow, I have never seen trees so big before," said Caroline. A tall tree caught her eye, so she ran to it. She was amazed by what she saw, she had never seen a tree like that before. Caroline felt a strange connection to this particular tree. She felt as if the tree was talking to her, pulling her close to it.

Caroline heard a loud voice saying, "Caroline, Caroline, where are you," it was her mom calling. She went running into the house to tell her mom about the tree she had seen. When Caroline went to bed in her new home that night, she dreamed about the tall tree. When she awakened the next morning all she could think about was the tree, so she ate her breakfast and ran down the hill to the tree.

Before she could reach the tree, she tumbled down the hill and hurt her elbow. "Ouch, my elbow," Caroline said. She sat there holding her elbow, checking to make sure it was ok. When Caroline was sitting there, she noticed that a large shade was covering her from the sun. Where was this shade coming from, all the other areas were sunny? It felt very magical as if something were trying to help protect her.

Then she began to have other thoughts, thoughts of her parents, and how she missed her dad, and how she wished her parents had never got divorced. She began to feel sad and drifted off to sleep. She awoke to the sound of her mother calling, telling her it was time for lunch. Caroline walked into the kitchen, "peanut butter and jelly, yum." "I thought this would make you feel better," her mom said.

“We need to go to town to the store," Caroline's mom said. Caroline was excited and began to feel a lot better. On the drive to town, she began to tell her mom all about the tree. How the tree had helped protect her, and how she thought the tree was magical. Caroline's mom just smiled at her and listened to her story. "We're here," as they pulled up to the local grocery store. This store sat in the middle of nowhere, nothing like stores back in New York, Caroline thought.

On the drive back, Caroline could not help but notice how beautiful Mysticville was. There was something mystical and magical about it. She thought that others must have felt that way too, how else would it get its name. She noticed all the beautiful trees, but still none like the tall tree on Mystic Road. They arrived back home, "why don't you go sit on the porch and read for a while," her mom said.

" The Wacky Packy Family" was the name of the book she chose. "This sounds like a good book," and she began reading. "Wow, this is a wacky family," she began to laugh. Suddenly, Caroline had a sad look on her face. The family in the book had reminded her of her own family.

After dinner, Caroline decided to take a walk outside. She could not help thinking about the tree. This time she walked down the hill carefully, she did not want to fall again. It looked like the tree was smiling at her. Caroline started talking to the tree and asking the tree, "what is your name?" The tree did not answer, so she decided to take a nap under the tree. When she awakened, she was in her old bed in New York. She walked into the kitchen, and her parents were eating breakfast together at the table.

Caroline was super happy to see her parents back together. She could not believe this was happening. She dreamed of her parents getting back together, but how was this possible. Caroline put her arms around her parents and gave them a big hug, " I am so happy we are together in New York, in our home together." Her parents looked at her and asked, "Is everything ok Caroline?" "Everything is perfect, just perfect."

“Can we go to the park today?" Caroline asked. " You want to go to the park with us, your parents," they asked. You usually want to hang out at the park with your friends." "I can't think of anything better than hanging out with you guys, all of us together, having fun."

They reached the park, let us go feed the birds," Caroline's mom said. "No, let's take a walk around the lake first," her dad said. Caroline remembered how her parents could never agree, "let's go to the merry-go-round first," Caroline said. They headed for the merry-go-round, "this is going to be so much fun," Caroline said. "I call the blue horse." said dad. "You know I always ride the blue horse," her mom said. "You guys can take turns riding the blue horse."

When Caroline got back home, she went to her room to lay down and rest. She could not sleep, so she lay there thinking, she heard arguing in the kitchen. Caroline remembered how her parents were not getting along at the park, and now they were arguing. She began to remember what it was like before they got divorced. How they always argued and never got along.

Caroline knew she had great parents but began to understand why they were not together. She drifted off to sleep, and when she awoke, she was back under the tree on Mystic Rd. This time the tree does talk, "How was your trip?" Caroline could not believe her ears, was the tree talking to her. 'It was memorable," she said. "I am the tree of Mystic Road, and I have the power to read minds and the power of time travel," the tree said.

I sensed your trouble and sent you back in time to your old life in New York. " I hoped you learned something from your trip," the tree asked. "I did, I most certainly did." The tree went on to tell Caroline that no matter how much you want to change the past, you must always look to the future with hope.

"Yes, I learned that I would need to change the way my parents treat each other." "Please, with your help, I know I can do it if you could please send me back just one more time." The tree said, "you must not try to change the past, but look to the future." Caroline continued to plead with the tree until it gave in. "Take a nap as you did before, and when you wake up you will be back in your old life in New York."

When Caroline awoke, she was back in her bed in New York, she ran into the kitchen to see her parents sitting at the table. " I know what I have to do," she said. "I just have to tell them straight out that they need to stop arguing and get along." "Mom, Dad, I have to talk to you guys." They sat quietly and listened to what she had to say. "You guys have to stop arguing, so you don't get divorced." Her parents agreed that they would try to get along, to keep the family together.

Caroline and her parents decided to go to the movies. When they got there, they were undecided on what to watch. "I want to see the scary movie," said dad. " I want to see the love story," said, mom. The two began to argue over what movie to see," Please, you promised no arguing, I'll pick the movie," so they watched the comedy.

On the walk back home, they decided to stop for ice cream, "I want strawberry," Caroline said. Caroline's parents both wanted chocolate. There was only enough chocolate ice cream left for one cone. Her parents began to argue over who would get the chocolate cone. Caroline felt disappointed that her parents were not getting along, how could they be such wonderful people individually. She began to realize that she could not make her parents stay together.

That night she lay in bed, a feeling of calm and acceptance came over her. She realized that she could enjoy her parents, but just not together. She gently drifted off to sleep and woke up under the tree. Caroline put her arms around the tree and hugged it, "thank you," she said. From that day forward Caroline stopped wishing for the past, she knew her parents loved her and was looking forward to her new life on Mystic Road. Most of all she was happy about her new friend who she visited every day, the tree of Mystic Road.