My name is Justin, I'm 17 years old and this is my entry for 'The BIG Random Story Theme Contest (Ages 13-17)'
Using the Story Theme Generator, I got this topic to write about; "A lawyer standing in a school hallway contemplating life on Pluto". It was pretty difficult to find what to do with this, but I managed to come up with this.
This short has 966 words, 2 Pages, 4,009 Characters (No spaces, 4,975 with spaces), 12 paragraphs and 67 Lines. Thanks for viewing, I hope you enjoy what I've written.
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A lawyer? Oh yes, I am a lawyer, a very fine lawyer, in fact. I just so happen to be a most important person in my line of work. Having won over thirty five cases since my beginning as a lawyer, I have refined this simple job and turned it into a form of art! I stand in a hallway currently. More specifically I stand in a school hallway. I listen to the hustle and bustle of the lovely children as they go about their day, paying me no mind as they hurry to their next class, talking with their peers about such trivial things. Oh how much fun it looks to be! But imagine, if you will, a most intriguing idea. So simple, yet so wonderfully interesting! Pluto! What, may I ask, would life be like on Pluto? Having suffered the heavy blow of being demoted from their rank as a Planet, to a lowly Dwarf-Planet, how do the Plutonians feel? Do they feel like the children do, here in this hallway as they pass me by, paying me no mind at all as they go about their way? Seemingly insignificant but still housing such potential!
Why, perhaps they feel like me! A humble man with a wonderful job! Perhaps they, too have lawyers on Pluto? Oh, indeed they must! There cannot be life without conflict that much is for certain. They must have such brilliant lawyers on their planet. And oh so far away! Why the distance is nearly immeasurable! My goodness, even at light speed it would take such a long time to get to such a faraway place. And what a boring trip it would be, sitting in a spaceship watching the stars fly by at such an alarming pace. But even so, the end result would be quite magical, would it not? You would have the chance to see so many new things; an entirely new environment, wonderful and charming in its own rights. What would it be like to live on such a fine dwarf-planet?
What does their sky look like? Does it reflect the lovely surface of the rock itself, or does it instead open up into the endless void we have come to know as space? The dark shades of black to the brighter shades of white the stars seem to be, the glowing orb of buttery yellow that we have all come to know and love as our precious sun. The violets, the reds, the blue’s, black’s, grey’s, pinks, even the green’s! Perhaps instead of seeing clouds, drifting about in a lazy manor, caring not about the problems of the world that lies below it, they see galaxy’s and planets and moons. Oh, they would have quite a lot of looking to do.
I myself would love to one day make my way to Pluto. Perhaps create my own legal firm there, become one of the lead lawyers and earn a nice paycheck. Why, I may even become royalty! I could be a king, or an emperor! I could be worshiped like no other has been before! I would have servants, a lovely house and the most beautiful brides the dwarf-planet has to offer. That would be the life, would it not? To live in such a divine manor, to have no cares, to have such a vast amount of money at your disposal. To have so many people that look up to you, that wish to become more like you. Why, the children would look up to me! Instead of treating me like a mere obstacle they have to walk around in their daily routine, perhaps they would see me and think; “Look there! It’s him! Once a lawyer, but now an emperor! Look what you can accomplish by simply working hard!”
But alas it would seem I am to be stuck here on Earth for the remainder of my life. Forever shall I be naught but a lawyer. Perhaps I shall walk these halls again, gaze at the paintings and pictures that litter the walls, attempt to talk with some of the children as they go about their business. I frown with sadness as they pass me by… like the obstacle I am.
Maybe I’ll have a kid of my own one day.
Yes, I can see it now; little Tommy. Attending classes at this fine school, studying hard so that one day he, too can become a successful lawyer like myself. Will he space out and daydream about space? Will he ponder life on Pluto while he walks these halls, talking with his friends without a care in the world?
Maybe… just maybe, he won’t take after his dad at all. Maybe he won’t take up a job as a lawyer, but instead become an Astronaut. Perhaps he will be the first to find life on Pluto. He could bring with him a wonderful crew, full of Astronauts, Chef’s, Veterinarians, Writers, Construction Workers, Doctors, Scholars and…. maybe even a lawyer.
Yes, I believe my son is destined to be much more than just a lawyer. He can be whatever he wants to be. After all, the world is so wonderfully huge, especially to a child. Let him dream big so that one day, he can become great in my place.
That is what I want to be. Not a lawyer, no. I do love the job, but it is a means to an end. What I truly want is not to one day fly out to Pluto, become great, and live a happy and wonderful life. No, I want to have a son. Let him dream, let him become great. Perhaps I will watch life through new eyes; through his eyes.
Now I realize… I am not simply a lawyer.
I am a dreamer.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Thank you so so so much for this review, I fell both inspired and enlightened. It's constructive criticism like this that I need. I will most definitely be submitting more stories to this sight, and I'll try hard to take your suggestions and try to work with them. Thank you, again.
I agree it is a difficult topic, and I found both positives and negatives in your piece.
Firstly, the fact that you were unsure of yourself when righting this piece is evident in the whole first half of the story till the part the lawyer starts thinking about his kid, but this lack in confidence disappears in the second half. Let me explain, in the first half you seem to be grasping here and there in order to comply with the topic, I feel you could have introduced the three parts of the topic at different times : Lawyer, school, pluto. Instead, you've put everything together and just jumbled it all in a pile.
Second of all, since the character is dreaming (or contemplating) you have been armed with a weapon to artsticly make the story flow. When a person is dreaming the thoughts flow from one thing to another randomly yet not abruptly:
Here the thought changes from atmosphere and geographical hoo-haa
but but but this changes in the second half, your thoughts flowed like a dream and frankly i thought i was in a dream.
Yes, I can see it now; little Tommy. Attending classes at this fine school, studying hard so that one day he, too can become a successful lawyer like myself. Will he space out and daydream about space? Will he ponder life on Pluto while he walks these halls, talking with his friends without a care in the world?
AWESOME!
So you have the potential and knowledge, don't get scared, just go for it and read your piece a couple of times and check not just grammatically but if your flow is strong and steady, good luck for the competition
In all honesty, I had a hell of a time finding something to do with this in the first place. I would have loved to go into more detail, but I'm limited to a thousand words so unfortunately it isn't something I'm able to do. Thank you for your review, if I was able to add more to this and keep the proper length, I would.
I'm not too sure about that sentence... Now that I'm looking at it, and it alone It seems odd...
Thank you, again.
This is like a monologue, for me. The idea of this story is good. The way you portrayed your character is convincing, which is also a good sign. But I think you have to improve your plot, add some action, and not just the lawyer talking about going to Pluto. You may want him to reminisce some events in his past- how he came up with the idea of wanting to go to Pluto and who he was before he became a lawyer. That may create some drama, something readers want. But that's just my suggestion. Maybe you have something better in mind.
I think there is something wrong with this sentence. I'm not so sure about the grammatical structure, by the way.
Just keep writing, this piece needs a little work. You can do it.