Waiting for daybreak
To break through the transparent barriers
Built by our broken society
For the white light of truth
To pull the stoppers on colour,
So that a rainbow will flow
Citywide, nationwide, worldwide
To widen the boundaries,
Let the rivers run free - not like an angry torrent
But the way a river could,
Bubbles sparkling silver in the sunlight,
Driftwood drifting like the journey is the goal,
Whispers and chirps streaming
like a stream of tears,
Like a nation streaming home,
Bound by freedom,
Held together, held up
High, a torch of liberty
Tired and poor and together
A mosaic, wall art, made from
The pieces of the walls the held us apart
all the spaces between barriers
Bound by shards of translucence
That used to tear us from
Each others' arms
The glass winks at us,
Daring us to notice, to pick up the pieces,
Make a mosaic from broken hearts.
Because there's nothing more complete
than a broken heart
And maybe when the lens breaks
We'll learn to see
through rainbow prisms
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hi there! Happy Review Day!
There's something about reviewing, or just even reading, poetry that is highly subjective to the reader's perspective. Time and context are everything. In many ways, I think the description in your post is slightly misleading as I thought, "Hmm, maybe this is a poem about heartbreak" (which I love because that's just me xD) but going through it, I have a different perspective now. I really see this as an allegory for the United States, and what it's experiencing politically and socially these days. And I could be so off-base with this interpretation!
However, I think there are some key words and lines that really support this interpretation. References to freedom and liberty, for example. And of course, specific references to cities and nations, etc. I love the imagery you have about piecing together broken hearts to be stronger together. There is such a strong theme of hope that is woven throughout this piece, that it actually gave me some hope for the world! I found the following section quite poignant:
Your choice of words is just totally effective.
My only tiny nitpick is I feel that the poem is marginally weaker at the beginning. There was something lacking with the expression of nature imagery in my opinion, and I think it was perhaps the choice of words in this case. I feel like, for example, you might be able to find a better word than "drifting" when it comes to describing the driftwood? Maybe even just, "Drifting wood like journeying..."?
Otherwise, I thought your poem was very effective and it was great to read. Well done!
All the best,
Lavvie
Thanks! I see what you mean because I'm not in the united states, I'm in london - and after 2 people were killed during a terror attack in my cousins' community, one by THE POLICE, I started to think about how tragedy brings out the best in humanity...
Okay, I think then it speaks to the versatility of the poem and, like I mentioned in the review itself, the review itself is so subjective! My review and take still stands
Well done.
Hi! This is Pebble with an autumn-themed review for spooky season! (Based on the incredible YWS S'more Method, of course)
Crisp Air — initial thoughts and noticings
Okay, wow, that opening line gave me shivers and I knew this was going to be good. This poem is beautiful, the formatting striking, and the meaning powerful and important. I love the message and the way you used repetition and imagery along with metaphors to convey it. It gives the poem a strong voice, as well as a very descriptive and yet to-the-point style.
Trees of Every Color Imaginable — formatting and style
The first thing I notice when I look at this poem is how the edge of it is jagged, like the breaks and shards the poem discusses. I'm curious to know why you chose to add indents in certain lines but not in others. Was it to create the appearance of something broken or does it have more meaning than just that?
Another thing that stands out is the repeated use of the words "broken" and "break" at the beginning and end of the poem. This helps introduce the theme of a broken society and drill in that we need to piece it back together.
In other parts of the poem, you repeated parts of words such as "wide"
and "stream"
I like how these parts of the poem cause almost a little grouping of lines and themes, making it enjoyable reading it aloud. This poem also repeats the letter sounds "s" "t" and "b" a lot, which adds to how interesting it is to read out loud.
Apples and Cinnamon — the sweetest, best parts
I love the way you tied together themes of brokenness and color within a broken society. It simultaneously gives hope and empowers people to stand up and combine the shards into beautiful rainbow mosaics. (I'm a sucker for a good rainbow and color representation in writing
I also can't get over that first line! "Waiting for daybreak"... It feels like anticipation, anticipation for the light to come soon and turn every broken shard into a colorful work of art. It uses the repeated word "break" but turns it into the dawning of a new day where the broken pieces will be put back together even better than before.
Fallen Leaves — critiques/suggestions
This line,
seems to have a typo in it. Did you mean to say "the walls that held us apart"?
Other than that, I didn't notice many issues with the poem. It felt a bit choppy to read, but I'm assuming that was intentional and in line with conveying the theme of brokenness.
The Perfect Pumpkin — my favorite quote(s)
This was a hard one, as so many of the lines in this poem spoke to me and were written incredibly well. I'm going to limit myself to three.
I love the subtle rhyme with "wall art" and "held us apart"
The first two lines feel so amazing, "But the way a river could" like if the rivers were only free, they could do so much and be just as beautiful as the last two lines describe.
This is a great ending! No punctuation at the end implies that there is more to do, more to come, that we will learn and pick up the pieces and create. I love the idea of the lens breaking and that's finally when people will be able to see all the beautiful colors.
Golden Sunset — closing thoughts
Dreaming in colour has lovely imagery, strong messaging, and unique formatting that combine to suit the poem perfectly well. The descriptive language is well-used, and repetition of sounds and words as well as ideas give it depth and make it more interesting to read. This was really fun to read and analyze, and I thank you for writing it!
I love how hopeful this is!
"To break through the transparent barriers" I think this is my favorite line. The story told through the poem about rising up and seeing through what the people in charge tell us is well done. at least that's the interpretation I have.
I love how hopeful this is!
"To break through the transparent barriers" I think this is my favorite line. The story told through the poem about rising up and seeing through what the people in charge tell us is well done. at least that's the interpretation I have.