Short stories unpublished

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Can the time be suitable

      Waiting visit at hotel not coming constantly hovering in the air. In the intimate relationship with him, feel him breathing, walking toward him. Consolation, thinks the same. This picture does not stop, red carpets, narrow walls, punched the door. Sitting and against what may come. So many things to many who wanted to be in his skin. She'd wanted to put a finger to his mouth to things, people shut up so he could think. Gloves anything, black funeral suit, colorful bright, he could clearly imagine. Pictures leapt, none of them were right. In these moments, as if time had stopped, and we do not feel like looking at the clock in order to be found in a particular place. That he could not complain.

      He looks at the locked door. Turn on the television to drown other sounds, its contents just further upset. Blocking the front door with a chair sat down his weight. Even if there were two or three. Must possess a tremendous amount of annoyance to come alone. The pair is fun. He received a telegram in fact, so was the message, someone will fall while on such a precarious place. Not out who, had not heard the details, he pulled out just the point. If it is a false alarm, some kind of speeches. He knew the play dirty. Nothing was done, he thought, if the details are taken into account. Since then there is no reason to arouse in him a strong will to self-defense, this situation calls for it. He remembered the conversation, he did not say a word. That is, whether it could be used against him.

      He came towards each breath. It gets strange to know what's going to happen in advance. When you want to get up to show that are not afraid, he heard a shout from the next room. What's worse, he could hear what they were saying. The vague hunch that it could be him. Put her ear to the wall, the voices turn into huge hands are shaking the ground beneath his feet. He felt his possible voice, gestures, silence. Someone is going to report it, olakne him, he if no one else.

      Staff said they would send a man to check it out.

      - Is it so important - bulletin was their question. - In broad daylight. Room.

      Steps overflight corridor, knock, ring the bell, remove the key. To go out, she wondered, but occurred too quickly. As soon as they entered, silence them. Buttoned it word for word. He crouched on the floor. He knew he was safe from further attacks.

     

The average man

      He pulled up, bright lights, in front of the railway. She travels a few blocks. Train from the past, he knew compose a verse about them, leave him breathless. Some time after the arrival of the train whizzes by, poluzaspaloga drew him to reality. He raised the top fingers. It hit the right time not finding out the current attraction. Best to look at the entire train. Find a bed on the ground, there was none. He imagines, will appear constable, warned him not to steppin 'I do not step on the glass, the noise is not ignored. As soon as you pass, will rise. The time now is detaining him longer than he thought, come back in the same direction. He thought of going, no one had heard from the car. It is not hard to imagine, looks average dressed outside, inside. The driver must have seen him if he was a little conscious. He did not notice, attracted by the grass on which he lay, fictional constable, anyone that wished as he changes the big cities cause. He did not go because of the policemen, a rogue, a freight train. It seemed to him, a moment was to be picked up to avoid crashing unit which totally does not belong. Driving empty head, imagining the back, the place is always within reach. The bridge where the rails will not ever be available, but that lying sees in him a jumper between two intersections.

Aircraft on the surface

      With a mighty destruction, aircraft ispluta the surface, people suffer a fall from height, happened kidnapping one of those. Present were numerically fewer passengers than in shocking news that discourage people fearful of flying. Weather is perfect. Not expected to be one to ruin. Suddenly jumped up from his seat in the middle of a private conversation, hitherto thoughtfully in silence. He spoke in their own language, but it is clearly evident that in this spoke. No one olaknu he is the one who will make the plane lands his will. There are children who watch it carefully. Adults have their ears covered. Sleep under the hands are shaking. Imperceptibly they peered at him. The pilot saw it on the screen. In addition to missing sound, can simultaneously monitor two actions.

      They did not know that both spin out of control, he thought.

      Can someone recover from such an incident, unless it ends happily.

      - I do not want to know what happened to you decide on such a venture, but do not want to see you again - threw an old lady who looked at them in order to get rid of evil omen.

      Pilot ads unconcerned tone parting mouth hijackers. Passengers are appalled, covered his face with disgust. The copilot him to another template, pay attention to the one who stands in front, and before they are troubled. Those who have ears hanging headphones, timidly them in a safe place. Long intervals of silence, in which Lucio people are stretched and fell advantage that the complete vehicle comes down on him. Then he said: - Do not stop the plane to the nearest runway.

      They understood it as a microphone pilots, knowing that behind tons of hidden appropriate authority. Reaching the breath, passengers calmly stand up from his seat, came in complaining of children, women, themselves, the most that it did not move. The long-haired bachelor with glasses as this looked mockingly found a few words quite saying them quickly, almost stuttering as he was preparing for a long dialogue. Do not be enabled to look him in the eye. Seeing the red, decided he better show - not fitted, no card, no money at all, I got an acquaintance who was sitting up and I turned his trust almost not in the wind.

       - If you try to do anything malicious, they'll blame it for pilots. Your name will disappear as a victim of uncontrolled driving. You know that that would be true only preserved to us.

      - If you thought the pilot does not crash, I do not know why you have to ask.

      - For creating a mess in the passenger plane longer than usual. Return to your place - it tries to overcome a woman who is also represented by a security guard. - Are you relieved themselves - queries. - It's time to let others.

      - This is not a kidnapping - she asked him.

      - Do not do it either - she said.

      Well, he thought, would turn down.

      - If you get on the ground and nothing does not happen, I'll forget to you - thought the man going loud.

      The time is perfect for launching a parachute. Light, no wind, clear from the recent rains. Where has chosen this opportunity to endanger the peaceful sky. Flew low over the ends so that they saw pastures that passengers are pitiful watched through the windows. Hand-guided, was driven under pressure of possible terrorists who refused to give any moment. They are expected to take action to stop the abduction. Razdijelivši opinions, stand up, first it touches. He moved away, went to the cabin door. Tell the chief pilot, setting the vehicle on automatic control. He warned that the destination is near, he asked whether under control. The word echoed in zvonko kidnapper. His movements almost gentleman knocked on the only door lock. The pilot is still paid, while he laid his hand on his. The co-pilot threw up his hands.

      - You do not need me to warn that behind me - Ads pilot. - I guess I got to shake hands with us - he would continue, but he grabbed the microphone and there is a sigh of passengers from the back. The pilot asked him how she knew manually operated, and he silently looking upon the door where it came fuss. Pripomene them to explain the situation. Direct him he made a speech, addressed symbolically to more people.

      - Good luck, we'll be landing, then open the cabin door. Unfortunately, we remain attached to the belt with stepping stools, and you get of extra steps, but where you're going - pick up the pilot.

      The pounding stopped, three men betrayed the character of existence. Thinking about possible scenarios, relied on the doorknob. Nobody intended to address the invasion of doors because they were small. Someone would have gotten the short end, and they wanted to land in one piece without the fallen hair.

       Act like you do not know what works and keeps us in control, they think.

       Kidnap is not my idea nor the idea of someone else, he thought. It is my fault that I have not acted with dignity like them, forced them to sing out and banged on the cab, and I dare pilots and forced the plane to fly automatically. Therefore, we can judge the sentence.

      Tell them that we will land at the nearest runway. Pilots ask if they could take my hands down, and he looked down. May I mention, he asked the pilot, you've made a mess and got into the cab. We almost thought that we want to drive away from our responsibilities, he complained. What was your true intention. Unlock the door, he went on to a colleague, to convince people that we are not in danger. I lost the signal. Has he made it, ask the. Options are we reduced, they can choose just the basic commands. Repent passengers, there has been a failure, not because of him, with him nothing. Explain to them that it was my doing, he transmits. Soon you will hear the colored planes, not to destroy us, but to protect. The event was the appearance of greater importance than just a mere transition from one end of the globe to another. They both leaned back from the acceleration of the aircraft, and he was standing against the wall, imagining if his next move is correct.

      Flew above the open sea, the view was great, but the fall would have been too heavy blow to any passengers, but on the way it was looking, he held them under the reins, was tied force that brings people together, and no one was uncomfortable, actually were threatened, they are aware that time or not, until he was no longer in the cabin, he was semi-conscious in front of people intending to land and drove smoothly, but luck on that plane for all could be. And to be introduced, would seek out the same from others.

Comments & reviews · 2
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Iggy
Review
Iggy wrote a review · Mon Aug 18, 2014 4:53 am

Hello~

Protip: Instead of bunching a bunch of short stories into one work, post them all separately. This looks like you're trying to cheat the system we have here. ;) And good thing these are all really short stories, otherwise I wouldn't review them all :P

Anyways, all the stories need work. Lots of it. They generally make no sense. You're either missing a word, thus having the sentence make no sense, missing punctuation or just generally have a lot of run-on sentences.

Examples:

Can the time be suitable (which needs a question mark since it's a question, by the way)

Waiting visit at hotel not coming constantly hovering in the air.


This makes no sense. Is the narrator waiting at the hotel or visiting it? Something of clearance is needed there. Also, a comma is needed after "coming". And what is hovering in the air? A spacecraft? A wire? The narrator? Something unknown?

Consolation, thinks the same.


WHO thinks the same? You mentioned a man. Is it the narrator or someone else? Be more specific.

Turn on the television to drown other sounds


Turns*

Blocking the front door with a chair sat down his weight.


"Sat down his weight" makes no sense... revise it.

The average man

He raised the top fingers.


The top fingers...?

As soon as you pass, will rise.


What will rise?

Aircraft on the surface

Can someone recover from such an incident, unless it ends happily.


Is this a question or a statement?

This is not a kidnapping - she asked him.


See, that is a statement. Not a question. Therefore, she isn't asking him anything.



Overall, I couldn't read this. Couldn't comprehend it. It made no sense whatsoever. It needs a lot of work, with grammar, mostly. You leave out words; why, I'll never understand. It makes no sense. It's like I'm skimming a book, picking up random words and writing them down in an attempt to make a story. The words don't connect. There's gaps and craters between them. A story isn't being told.

Please revise this. Let me know if you do and I will rereview it.

~Iggy

Hey, I was going to say those things. ;)

Iggy I disagree that they are trying to 'cheat the system'. What they posted is a collection of lots of little short stories, and in the same position I would have done exactly the same thing.

My mother language is not actually english, so I'l have to push up to revise google translator and no i didnt even touched the translation. Written in another langauge then this posted, i wonder how it could anyways found a path to your understanding of even a prose. Are you a real writer, question. But i have to admit i worked hard on it, so i thank you for the review, do you got something i could review also. In my style.

Why are you green? Are u some moderator?

Juriget - that makes sense. I should have assumed that you were an ESL. In that case, I apologize but my review still stands. HoweveC you're doing really good so far with the language :) I hope you continue to learn and grown. So far, minus the missing words, your grammar was pretty good. You're awesome.

Farhan - yes, I am a moderator.

Hi, I'm RainbowPowerPonies and I'm here to review this for you! Here's what I thought of it :D

Okay so I actually really liked this work in all, I didn't see any typos when I skimmed through for spelling. They were actually really good. I didn't find any grammar problems either. It had slight emotion thats my only comment, ( a lot of people have trouble with this. So its okay) really, emotion is a common weakness in writing BUT it did keep me interested. So.... here you go!
Spelling: 100
Grammar: 100
Emotion: 75
Creativity and Interest Factor: 110 (this is basicly breaking the scale.)
Keep writing! I really enjoy your literature and hope to hear more from you.
Well Bye!



¯\_(ツ)_/¯
— Someone Incredibly Noncommittal