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"Seduction"

by Jurelixranoanad


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

I in no way shape or form own star wars. I simply write these type of stories for my own enjoyment. All credit goes to George Lucas. This is my first time posting to this site so here we go and i hope you like it. This is set after Tfa once Rey gets back from finding Luke.

I felt my mind slip back into unconsciousness. My dreams of my home planet Jakku had slipped away like sand in the wind. I cried softly when I tried to get up only to find my body was restrained to a cold interrogation table. My head was throbbing, my dehydration racking my body with pain, my throat was dry. I felt an unfamiliar wave of panic wash over me as I tried to free my arms from their restraints.

As my vision cleared I saw a clone standing over to the side of the pressurized door. The clone, with his stark anonymity the face of the First Order, turned hid head towards me then turned quickly and marched out of the room at a brisk pace. I breathed slow trying to slow my ever quickening pulse. I knew the clone was going to get him.

The him Kylo Rein.

Even his name shook me to the core. I closed my eyes, willing my pulse to slow down but the door opened and he came in.  His body seemed bulky, but if it was because of the armor I didn't know. He had a mask on now, detaching himself from our very tence situation that occurred some time ago.

" I know what you want from me, and you will never be able to retrieve it." I said as he tried too penetrate my mind just as he did when he wanted the location of the bb unit I helped smuggle a while back.

He failed at the interrogation just as he did before. But I had information he wanted and he would not stop before he got it.

 I remember when Kylo first stormed out but not before pumping my veins full of a drug to make me fall unconscious once again.

I was still groggy, my eyes a little blurry, and the dryness of my throat all keeping me from blocking him out this time. He immediately broke down the walls I had weakly set up in my mind.

I could feel him, ripping through memories even I had forgot about and playing them before my eyes making me remember everything he wanted me too. He saw my weakness when my family left Jakku, he saw my hatred for the First Order, he saw my determination to live when I had no money for food, he felt my hatred for myself when I wanted to give up.

"I meant what I had said earlier, I can take whatever I want even from someone as strong as you." He paused, took off his mask, then got close enough to me that I could fell his hot breath. My mind was racing, my dredged up memories throwing me from my consentration. I couldn't hold on any longer, my mind was on display for the Sith Apprentice "Do you know what the best form of torture is?" He pulled his hair back and tied it. "One would think it is purely physical. I, however think the greatest damage can be done using psychological torture. You can break a person that way, don't you agree?"

Just like that he was back in my mind ripping through it like a podracer. Just then I saw his brow crinkle, he was getting weak and I could feel it. A look flashed across his face, a look that would make Snoke kill. It was at that moment I saw it, he had compassion for me. This gave me strength and I blocked him out. I was now tearing through his memories replaying everything he tried to forget about.

"You have the force flowing through you. I have felt the pull to the light ever since I left Luke Skywalker." His breath washed over me. "Do you know how it feels? The force is like a drug and usually the Dark Side will sate my desires, but with you its different."

I shivered at his words knowing what he meant. I felt the light call to me, beckoning me to reach out and flow power through my body.

"I know you feel the power of the Dark Side calling to you just as the Light calls to me. Can you feel it?" He released the restraint on one of my hands and pressed it against his chest. I felt his heart beat, the dark encasing his heart, the power flowing throughout his entire body. I shivered, gently grabbing at the darkness with my mind.

"You should be draped in the silks of queens not doning the garb of Jakku citizens." He slowly brought himself closer to me until our lips were not far apart. A slow whimper escaped my throat. I felt his power encasing my own. My eyes searched his piercing glare for a sign of fear, his soft, pink lips, his dark, raven colored locks and perfect, olive skin. I felt a twinge of fear when his lips made contact with mine. I moved mine softly against his. He picked up the pace and moved his lips against mine with fervor. My mind was lost, his eyes beckoning me to betray myself and the rebellion, my convictions left and only Kylo had my thoughts. I couldn't tell whether or not he was in my head or this was my idea and he was mearly watching, He quickly over took me throwing my head back with his mind. Ren's lips leaving mine and traveling down my jaw and neck as he bit a soft spot, I jerked back. He growled angerly at the abrupt hault of his pleasurable assault. I pulled back unsure of whether or not to continue. My mind was so conflicting but his lips were so addicting. He leaned forward and said three little words in my ear

"We have cookies"

And that was that he had seduced me to the Dark Side.


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73 Reviews


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Thu Dec 28, 2017 3:55 am
ChieRynn wrote a review...



random little comment here:

As my vision cleared I saw a clone standing over to the side of the pressurized door. The clone, with his stark anonymity the face of the First Order, turned hid head towards me then turned quickly and marched out of the room at a brisk pace. I breathed slow trying to slow my ever quickening pulse. I knew the clone was going to get him.

Clones were used during the Clone Wars, then production was shut down on Kamino. Stormtroopers are employed and recruited, and not clones, at least not Jango Fett clones. In The Force Awakens, there was talk about considering a clone army instead of stormtroopers, but they were still using recruited men at that point, ones they had had influence on from a very young age, according to Phasma (think it was her, can't remember if she actually said it. Someone did though).

*poofs* just wanted to drop that...one of my pet peeves there...




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Mon Jun 05, 2017 2:29 am
FireGoddess wrote a review...



Hey!

I believe your story was grand over all and it leaves the reader wanting more of your work. Wonderful addition of comedy at the end to seduce Ray to the Dark side.

But, instead of "and that was that he had seduce me to the Dark Side." I would have wrote, "And that's how Kylo Rein seduced me to join the Dark Side."

Also, at the beginning you put a line that says, " The him Kylo Rein." It really does not make any sense at all. A possible way to make that better or make more sense is to add punctuation in the proper places and some more words. Something like this: "The him I refer to is Kylo Rein."






Thank you for the feedback. I placed the sentence about who Kylo was because I didn't know if my readers would know who I was talking about the stormtrooper going to get. also this wasnt a Rey X Kylo story it was my OC X Kylo.



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Tue May 02, 2017 4:07 pm
ExOmelas wrote a review...



Hey, since you're new I'll explain my review process so you know what I'm talking about when. First I'll do nit-picks, which is stuff I've noticed as I read along, then I'll do overall character, setting, plot and flow.

Nit-picks:

trapped to a cold surface

"to" doesn't quite fit here. Usually people are trapped in things. held to would also work.

I knew the clone was going to get him.

Kylo Rein


Wait, is the clone Kylo Rein or is "him" Kylo Rein? This needs to be clearer. Also even though "Kylo Rein" isn't really a sentence, it still needs a full stop at the end.

detaching himself from our very tence situation that occurred some time ago


This sentence jars a bit because you've had very immediate, tense storytelling so far. To go to a much broader "some time ago" takes me out of that immersed frame of mind. I want to stay in that because that seems to be the tone, so I recommend you try and find some way of referencing that it was a while ago while keeping the suspense up. Oh also it's "tense".

my mind was on display for the Sith Apprentice "Do you know


There should be a full stop between Apprentice and the speech marks.

physical I, however


Should be a full stop between physical and I.

racing through it like a podracer


Bit repetitive. "speeding through" would work better.

Just then I felt a weakness and a look flashed across his face. Compassion? Did he have compassion for me. This gave me strength and I removed him from my mind.


I'm really unclear what a "weakness" is in this context. Did his posture become less rigid? His brow collapse for a moment? I need these details to keep the immersion and therefore tension up. Similar for giving your character strength. How were you given strength? Did your muscles tense, did some sort of resolve form in your mind?

There are a few typos in the last paragraph but they look like quite routine and not systematic errors so just have a look back over that.

The last sentence needs to be two sentences (split between the second that and the he.)


Overall

That was really cool!

Character: Your character is built up just enough that I'm invested in them, but not overly invested to the point where I feel robbed by the punchline. The punchline actually has even more effect because I know how much they don't want to go to the dark side, so the cookies must mean an AWFUL lot.

Setting: There was very little setting. Some details like you did with character would definitely help me get invested with the character and situation so that it is even more absurd. Also maybe some details to throw me off. Make me think elements of the setting are going to be important so that I'm even more surprised.

Plot: hehehehehe. Niiiiiice! Good joke. Very good. A friend of mine from uni applied to be a freshers helper with a joke that lasted like an entire written page and in the end was just a cheap pun. I might show this to him, it seems like something he'd enjoy xD

Flow: Flow is your main issue. The nit-picks I've mentioned are all the specifics I have to say but I just want to reiterate their importance. In order for the joke to pay off, I have to be in suspense. My expectations have to be drawn toward drama so that the punchline seems absurd. As I've explained, breaks in flow break immersion. They thereby break tension because I'm drawn out of seeing this through your character's eyes and remember it's just a story, and am therefore less invested in it than if it were real. This means I'm taken less of guard and it becomes more of a "I see what you did there" rather than actual laughing. If you work on flow I think this will be really cool :)

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




ExOmelas says...


Oh, btw, unless it's on purpose, the title should be spelled "Seduction"





I am the work speller and my laptop won't correct it for me I will definitely fix that. Thanks for catching that. %uD83D%uDE42



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Tue May 02, 2017 3:25 pm
sheyren wrote a review...



Hey there! Shey here for a review!

Okay, so this was an odd story. At first I couldn't see where it was going, or why you were even writing this. (Because Kylo's a brat, why do a Kylo x Reader ship, am I right? ;)) But then I got to the end to read the cookie joke and it all made more sense.

I must say, while I've heard the "Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies" joke before, this specific use of it was interesting. It went from a very serious (and very stereotypical) Antagonist x Reader ship fanfic, it quickly switched completely to a humorous end. I thought that was interesting.

Now, if you want the joke to be more effective maybe consider separating the line where he says "we have cookies" and anything below it into its own paragraph. This would really exaggerate the joke a lot more.

One last comment. For safety, you might want to rate future works like these with higher age ratings, just in case younger audiences are sensitive.

Great job! Keep writing!

-Shey






Thanks for that review. I was so scared that my first review on this site was going to be terrible. I really do hate stereotypical writing so when my friend suggested i put up a Kylo x Reader ship I decided a joke at the end would make it less terrible.




You are all the colours in one, at full brightness.
— Jennifer Niven, 'All the Bright Places'