Young Writers Society

Hello, Dino here for a quick review!

So, for a poem written by a 10 year old, it makes sense for if you were to read between the lines and think a little deeper about the meaning behind it. However, I'm kind of wondering some things about this poem. I think you should give a sort of a background behind this poem because in the long run, it might make the poem run a little smoother with clarification towards whoever could be reading this.
Another thing I'd like to point out is since it seems like two people are talking, I suggest having one of the quotations marks in italics so it is easier to tell who is speaking and who is the narrator of the poem. This type of poem does have that kind of "cliche" feeling behind it; mainly because a lot of people refer to the heart on the sleeve type of ordeal with love and meeting new people. Which, in this case, isn't a bad thing because I think you a nice job of doing it in your own way but at the same time, I've heard these words written but in a different way, if that makes sense.

Also, when people are talking in general, try to envision what their voices stop talking because in one spot of these poem, you seem to either completely forgotten about the quotation mark or maybe you put it there by accident. In any case, try to think when they stop talking and putting a quotation mark there.

"Whered we go wrong on the way,

For I've wandered this city and oh its a pity they talk but have nothing to say."

"Yes this is true for a city like ours

Its all just footsteps and phones

It could only be me in a wide open sea,

And I still wouldn't feel so alone.

This review courtesy of

Hey there Jurelixranoanad and greetings from the After Watch shift. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

First thing, stanzas would be mighty helpful to you in this poem because you have two different people speaking here. I think most poems need some sort of separation into stanzas anyways but since you're introducing these two different characters saying much different things, the stanzas hold as separation of thoughts.
Along the same lines, I think it would behoove you to split up line 3. It's difference in length disrupts the flow of the poem and contains two sort of different thoughts. A split right down the middle and moving the second half to another line, would achieve both better flow and a better connection between the thoughts.

Punctuation. It's here and there, sort of dotting the place but also not and that's bothersome to me. Please mark where the second speaker ends speaking because for now it's still open and just looks like he won't shut up. A few more commas thrown in at line breaks might help to ease the flow along a bit and make the thoughts rest deeper in the reader's mind.
On a similar train of thought, it might be a good idea to experiment with caps/no caps at the beginning of lines. The capping the beginning of each line, punctuation wise or not, seems a bit excessive to me. Messing around with the different styles within poetry is also fun when you get more serious about it.

On the actual topic. It's quite plain and I was mildly drawn into it by the philosophical side of it. There's absolutely no imagery which makes it very dry and painful to keep my attention at. This is a good bare skeleton for a poem but you definitely need to beef it up a bit. I'd start more with setting and describing the scene before moving on to the stanzas full of conversation.

Alright that's all I've got for now. Welcome to YWS. If you have any questions about this review or anything else, feel free to drop me a line.
~Lady Lizz