Chapter I, Introducing Aiden

by JuliasSneezer

Published July 13, 2016

E - Everyone

In The Criminal

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There was once a small neat house, on a small neat suburban street, in a small neat neighborhood. It was your average suburban building, with orderly shrubberies lining the base, and a hummingbird feeder hanging from an oak tree in the front yard. There were no cars on the paved sidewalk which has obviously just been drawn on with sidewalk chalk. Leading up from it, was a clean sidewalk, which connected with a swept porch, laden with clean white wicker furniture.

The inside of the house held the appearance of the outside, being clean and tidy. If you were to approach the bottom of the stairs, you would hear the rhythmic tapping of a laptop computer. There was a girl who looked to be in her early teens sitting in a lumpy spindle desk chair behind a beige metal desk. She had straight blonde hair, and cinnamon brown eyes. Her nose was dotted with freckles. She had lightly sunburnt cheeks. She was obviously athletic, as there were sports trophies resting on wooden shelfs all around her bedroom.

Aidan was chewing on her cheek. A nervous habit of hers. Thankfully, no one was able to see her anxiety. She was typing up a threat to another world class villain. Aidan was like your everyday normal teenage girl. Except for one key difference: She was the head of the world’s largest criminal empire. She ran it from her own pink Apple laptop up in her room. Many hours were spent doing business deals, bugging unsuspecting enemies, gathering information, and blackmailing.

From the time she was eleven years old, Aiden used her rare gifts of patience and secrecy to collect photographs, documents, and other forms for blackmail. One by one, she personally emailed threats to villains. Starting with a no name bank robber, she found his boss. From then on, she was only climbing up the villainous ladder.

She was one with many enemies, but she’s been careful. She never let her partners, enemies, or even her most trusted colleagues see her face or hear her voice. They only knew her as Mr. Bartholomew Kinley, but who would suspect thirteen-year-old Aiden Sinnot? This was her cover, and it has worked wonders for her.

She finished her email, then she sent it. Using one of her more technology specialized employees, she ensured that the target couldn’t respond to the email, couldn’t even trace it back to her laptop. She logged back into her normal every day email, and closed the laptop. Just another average day when you’re heading the world’s most dangerous organization. She sighed, then palmed a novel as she picked up her knitting.

That evening, she could hear the doorbell ring from downstairs. She thundered down the stairs eagerly. She had been waiting for hours. Her best friend, Lacey, was coming over for a weekend long sleepover. She wrenched the door open, revealing Lacy, decked out in a grungy soccer uniform, knee guards slipped down at her ankles, and mismatched ankle socks. She had her bangs back in a headband, and her short black hair was caked in mud, as were her cleats.

“What a game!” She groaned. She threw her backpack and a two liter bottle off brand of soda onto the floor, collapsing onto a nearby arm chair.

Aiden tried not to grimace as she thought about the mud that would cover the chair. “Well hello to you too. Lost again?”

Lacy nodded deftly with her eyes closed.

“What was the problem?” Aiden asked, already knowing the answer.

“My team.” Lacy finally opened her eyes. “But not me, oh no. I was doing fantastically. They were tripping over the ball, trying to kick it into the goal, I tried to get them to pass it to me, but no. They wanted to take all the glory and take the ball to the end themselves. Well we didn’t get glory. We got defeat. The other team was dancing around when they found out they won, one girl had the nerve to tell me to lick the mud off her cleats.”

“You poor thing. Hey, have you ever thought that perhaps you may just be the problem?”

Lacy sat up. “Me? I’m carrying the team!”

“But are you being encouraging? Are you urging them to try? Are you picking them up when they trip, or yelling at their face?”

“Eh, you don’t need any of that stuff. You have to try and bring out their anger. That’s how you provoke them into doing their best.” Lacy leaned back into the chair.

“Where you get this stuff, I’ll never know.” Aiden said dryly, lifting her bag and unzipping the biggest pocket. She threw a pair of PJ’s at Lacy. “Now change, you’re disgusting.”

“Yeah? I’ve been to a soccer game. What’s your excuse?” Lacy replied, walking into the nearest bathroom.

Only an hour later, and roaring laughter could be heard from upstairs. They were watching a funny movie on Aiden’s laptop, Aiden choked on her popcorn several times from laughter.

Lacy reached toward the finger mouse pad, and paused the movie.

“What’s up?” Aiden wiped a tear away from her eye.

“Is it true that your folks aren’t home?”

“Not for the whole weekend. Party all night!” Aiden threw a kernel of popcorn in the air, trying to catch it in her mouth. It bounced off her nose instead.

Lacy laughed a little. “Okay, I’ll be right back. I want a glass of soda. Want one?”

“I’m good, but I’ll come with you,”

“No, just stay here.”

Aiden frowned. “Is there anything wrong?”

Lacy waved her hand. “Nah, just continue the movie without me.”

Aiden frowned, but she didn’t continue the movie. She instead spent her time wondering what on earth was up with Lacy. She always insisted that Aiden wait for her when a movie was on. Always.

“Hey,” Lacy was in the doorway, holding two glasses of soda.

Aiden accepted the glass Lacy offered with a smile, and they continued the movie. Aiden tasted the soda. It tasted much better than the brand they usually bought. It was probably the best soda she has had in a long time.

“Hey, what brand of soda did you buy?” Aiden asked.

Lacy shrugged. “Some off brand.”

Aiden could see her vision blurring slightly, and the sounds on the television seemed far away. She must have been more tired than she thought.

The movie finished, and Lacy shut the laptop. She turned to Aiden excitedly. “Tired yet?”

Aiden gave a dopey smile. “Yeah, my vision’s a little blurry to tell you the truth.”

Lacy laughed. “Come on, we can at least last until midnight.”

“I don’t know, Lace.”

“Come on! Here. I’ll play a game to keep you distracted. I call it, ‘Spill’. You have to answer the questions we ask each other, no matter what it is, and you have to answer it honestly.”

“Sounds fun!” Aiden replied.

“Oh no, you have to pinky swear that you’ll answer it truthfully.”

To be honest, Aiden hesitated. They treated the pinky swear with utmost respect. If you broke a pinky swear, you would have to break your friendship. It was something to not take lightly. “I pinky swear.” She finally decided. The two hooked pinkies.

“Okay, me first. What’s your favorite animal?” Lacy asked, releasing Aiden’s finger.

“That’s a dumb question.” Aiden slurred.

“Don’t care. You have to answer it.”

“I like rabbits. They’re fluffy, and cuddly, and delicious. My turn. Do you…. uh… like anyone?”

Lacy smirked. “You know as well as I do that I don’t have feelings.”

“Answer the question.”

“Okay, I like… Austen.”

“Austen?!” Aiden gasped. “But he’s such a weirdo! He smells like bologna!”

“Doesn’t matter. My turn. Is there a secret that you’ve never told anyone?”

Aiden took another sip of soda. As she thought, she could feel her thoughts grow more distant. “Okay, I am super afraid of monkeys.” She admitted.

“Not that sort of secret, like a bad one. Like you eat your boogers, or you have a secret club, or that you swear,”

“You already know that I swear.”

Lacy rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”

Aiden looked around her room for a secret. She was a pretty good girl; she couldn’t immediately think of any bad secrets. She glanced at her laptop computer. The flash drive with all the papers, scandals, and crime scene information pressed against her leg in her jean pocket. She fingered the flash drive, and thought. Lacy was Aiden’s best friend. She could trust her with anything, and she did. But was this worth it? Her fuzzy brain decided that there was really no harm. Lacy would never tell anyone.

“Okay.” She mumbled, sipping her soda again. “I run a criminal organization.”

“What? No way.”

“It’s true!” Aiden insisted dumbly. She took the flash drive out of her pocket, and waved it on the small delicate chain. “Here’s everything I have on it. It’s what I use for blackmail and stuff.”

“Show me.” Lacy demanded. She watched the flash drive swing back and forth with a greedy gleam in her eye.

Aiden shrugged after almost no thought at all. “Okay,” they crawled across Aiden’s bed, though Aiden lagged behind. She finally sat clumsily on the end of the bed, and plugged the flash drive in with a small struggle.

“Feast your eyes.” She said, smirking. The flash drive opened on the screen, showing hundreds of files. One for each and every criminal under her thumb. “Documents, photos, scandals, crimes, all here.”

Lacy observed the information with some sort of enchanted reverence. “How did you fit so much information on this flash drive?”

Aiden shrugged absently. “Got one of my tech guys on it. You know Alexander Scott?”

“Didn’t he hack into the government or something?”

“Yup, got all the case information right here.” Aiden clicked a file labeled with Alexander’s name, and all of his info popped up.

“But you can’t hack into a flash drive.”

“Does anyone else have my resources?”

“Fair point.”

“I’ve browsed through this thing for weeks on end and haven’t gone through everything.” Aiden bragged.

“Then how do you find information so quickly?”

“I have everything ordered by alphabet. Also, you can type in everything you want in the… uh… thing.”

Lacy frowned at Aiden. “The search bar?”

“Yeah, that.”

“Cool.” Lacy gave Aiden a funny look. Something like pride, happiness, and something else that Aiden couldn’t recognize.

“What is it?”

“Lights out.”

“What-?” Aiden couldn’t finish. Because Lacy reached into her bag, and stabbed a syringe of something into Aiden’s neck.

“Sorry,” Lacy apologized as she pressed the plunger. “I’ve got a deadline.” Everything went black.

Aiden could feel a throbbing pain in her neck. She opened her eyes, and was met only with a throbbing headache. The light peeking through her bedroom shades seemed blinding. She lifted herself slowly into a hunched over into a sitting position. She could feel something sticking out of her neck. She pulled it out and held it gingerly in front of her, observing it through squinted eyes. A syringe! What happened last night?

She just sat there, trying to remember the sequence of what happened the night before. Lacy had come over, they had watched a movie, they played a game Aiden couldn’t remember, then she fell asleep. Slowly, the details returned. Lacy arrived wearing dirty clothing. Soccer clothes. She changed, they went into her room and watched a comedy. Lacy came in with drinks. Wait. Drinks?

Aiden leaned forward, and picked up the half glass of stale soda. She dipped her finger in, and dripped the liquid on her tongue. It was sweet, but a strange taste was in it. Someone had spiked her drink. Something seemed to have dropped in Aiden’s stomach. She was almost certain that people didn’t just run around spiking drinks out of mere whim.

She whipped her head around, and gasped. The headache pounded against the inside of her skull. It was then forgotten when she noticed that the flash drive was gone. On the laptop keyboard, there was a post it note that said:

Thanks,

-Lacy

P.S. You’re a total lightweight.

Aiden felt a growl rumble in her throat. It was Lacy. The memories surged through, only adding to her headache. She needed someone. But where would she go? “I am such an idiot!” Aiden suddenly shouted. She opened a file on her computer labeled ‘History Report, 12/18/2013’. On it, there was the same label. However, when she opened it, There was a small box requesting her password.

“What are you up to, Lacy?” She muttered. She typed in her password, and then a 3-D image of the world popped up. It narrowed in on only one location. Lacy was hiding out in Kentucky. Two states away. There was nothing she could do then except for get the supplies needed. And she knew just who she needed to call.

Comments & reviews · 3
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JennyImStory
Review
JennyImStory wrote a review Review · Jul 14, 2016

Well this thing got intense FAST! I liked the opener, I could see the camera panning over from the street, to the house, to Aiden's room. Also the dialogue in the beginning was great! I could see myself using the same words and tones with my own friends. It also had nice pacing, it didn't feel rushed as you moved from talking downstairs to watching a movie upstairs. Once again I got the feeling of a camera moving from one place to another, following the sound and what not. This premise looks really cool as well! The thought of Aiden using tons of her amazing resources sounds like a blast! I look forward to seeing more by you soon!

Thank you so much! I'll try and update often.

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EuphoriaFalls
Review
EuphoriaFalls wrote a review Review · Jul 14, 2016

I'm intrigued! I mean of course the idea of a 13 year old girl running a massive criminal organization is more than a little ridiculous but I can definitely see the fun in following such a story.

If this is Chapter 1, I get the feeling the story won't be too long. Perhaps, a few chapters detailing one of her misadventures as the head of a criminal organization. The pace was consistent but I felt the story was just jumped into. I guess it would depend on how long plan for this story to be.

I think it would be better if you developed Aiden's character more. Is the criminal organization just a hobby? Does she understand the weight of her actions? Does she have a darker side to her personality? Or is she naive and just having fun?

I kinda want her to have some interesting characters quirks because from my perspective, despite her profession, I still get a very average feeling from her as a character. In my opinion according to the advice she gave Lacy about the soccer team, she seems to be a pretty compassionate person. Lots of personality conflicts. If that's what you were going for then kudos. It seems cute but not epic.

You'd think she'd be much more careful. The alcohol must have been strong. I thought that was funny. The whole situation seems so disproportionate. I find humor in how out of place everything seems I guess that's what you were going for.

I like but don't love it. It's kinda like when none of your favorite primetime shows are on T.V. so you watch something on Cartoon Network or Disney Channel for the heck of it and you're pleasantly entertained.

Much fun. Very girl power.

Thank you. This is just something I'm messing around with, nothing I'm taking seriously. I usually write a rough draft to get used to the characters and things, then I write another draft, more into detail, developing the personalities. Laci spiked the drink, unbeknownst to Aiden. I'll try and explain further in my second draft, but as of now I'm just getting into the swing of things. Thanks for the advice!

ameliabedelia241 wrote a review Review · Jul 14, 2016

I think your story is fascinating, but I think you should make a few adjustments to the way you describe things. I think you should show more, instead of telling the reader each motivation and action (I understand this is difficult, as I receive this comment on occasion myself). I would also appreciate some more description of the physical characteristics and attributes of the characters, a few lines like "Aidan's striking blue eyes were no match for her temperament, which roiled just beneath the surface, waiting for the opportunity to frost over."
I think you have a very strong basis for this piece, once you improve on the descriptors it will be even more engaging and fast paced than it is already! Great job and keep up the good work, i cant wait to see where you take this piece!

Thank you so much! I'll try and work on it. I'm a newer writer, so I'm trying to improve on those things. I appreciate you reading, thank you!



This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.
— T.S. Eliot