We’re All Just Living on the Pasture

The word "sheep" has evolved into my friend group's preferred insult this academic

year. Originally a simple joke, our repeated use of this term expanded its meaning into a

multifaceted social analogy. We’ve defined our environment as the pasture where the sheep

follow the shepherd and lose their individuality. Implemented into our personal dictionaries,

the connotations of this term link us through a shared distaste for conformity. The more I use

this analogy, the more I contradict myself and realize that conformity is inevitable.

We used the “sheep” analogy to criticize assimilation and mock the human tendency

of blind obedience. When someone repeats another’s actions, laughs too loudly at an unfunny

joke, or immediately agrees with the majority, they are coined a sheep. I can’t deny my role in

implementing this term in our vocabulary, yet I hate when it’s used against me. Independence

and individuality are values I hold dearly, and simply falling in line with my peers kills me.

Desperately, I strive to exude self-sufficiency and become someone who thinks for themselves

and is brave enough to stand up for their beliefs. All of my efforts are used to portray an

image of myself exempt from conformity, and yet I am still constantly left a hypocrite. We

attempted to claim superiority over conformity by defining it in our own terms, yet by its

collective usage we ironically conform to the same aversion. My own term that I once

believed was full of wit, now has a greater impact than it deserved to have. It reveals my own

hypocrisy as I catch myself engaging in the very same actions I condemn.

The need to belong is natural. Early humans survived Earth’s harsh conditions by

assimilating and forming groups to find companionship and safety in numbers; conformity as

a defense mechanism has been predestined in our species. We as humans yearn for

acceptance within a group, to form collective units that form a firm footing beneath us. As we

all embark on our journeys of development, it is common to use assimilation as a convenient

device for self-discovery. By replicating a person you respect and imbedding their ideals into

your own, one would think it would build an identity that others would similarly respect.

However, our identities are defined by our originality; it is impossible to foster an authentic

self out of a replica. Instead, we must consolidate what we appreciate in others and learn how

they reflect in our own selves rather than force them into a being that isn't us.

As we hunt for companionship, our fears begin to shift towards deviating from the

public rather than losing our sense of expression. Our priorities change, and we begin to

sacrifice our self-determination to compensate for our undying need for security and

integration. I catch myself laughing when I don’t want to. I catch myself staying silent when I

disagree. I catch myself present at every uninteresting plan. I value my identity, yet still

choose social acceptance over my personal autonomy. I hate how I’m just another sheep on

the pasture, but aren’t we all? Despite my resentment, I continue to find comfort in the

pasture’s familiar grass, familiar weeds, and familiar herd.

I’ve realized that my conflict between the need for independence and the need for

social connection is not unique to my life. Instead, this clash is a fundamental element of

human existence and a dictating factor in adolescence. In the adolescent phase of

development, we begin to visualize our identities through the reflections of others. We imitate

our peers’ behaviors and adopt their habits as we begin to distinguish what separates our

identities from theirs. By understanding conformity as a human response to self-discovery,

the sheep analogy becomes more significant than a mere joke. It becomes a mirror. A mirror

that reflects each of our journeys: none independent of the other, yet each unique. A mirror

that inverts our belief in acceptance from being yourself to only accepting the pieces in you

that you liked in others.

I continue to wonder if anyone can live fully free from the pasture, but I’ve decided to

accept that it exists as a permanent entity. We all walk through the familiar meadow and graze

on the familiar grass; however, occasionally we look up. We notice our blind following,

question our motivations, and challenge our decisions. The pasture is more than just

restrictive; it is a space we find comfort in to develop who we are to become. Stubbornly, I’ve

realized that the pasture only becomes threatening when we lose awareness of its inherent

presence.