From a Trees Perspective

Hello there!

To be honest, I feel like "from the perspective of a tree" has been done before quite a bit. Trees are a very prominent plant, and people take notice and want to give them human qualities, as you have done. This isn't a bad thing, it's just been done before.

This poem doesn't really bring anything new to this subject for me. While I mildly enjoyed it, there was nothing that made it stand out in my mind.

Here's my advice: experiment. Experiment with form, voice, imagery, language. Anything.

Out of those, I'd really encourage you to experiment with voice. The voice you're writing in sounds pretty human. But it's a tree, yes? Make it sound inhuman, understanding and yet incomprehending, mute or loud or singing. Go wild with your experiment. I think you'll like what comes out of it.

As for experimenting with language, I might try to find stronger words than some of those that you used here, so you can cut out some amplifiers like "really" and "scary" and such. If you have stronger words, you don't have to use telling words like that. Try to show us, not tell us. And the first way to start doing that is to use stronger verbs and nouns.

I hope that you find this review useful in some way! Have a great day, and Happy YWSing!

The poem was nicely written but it lacks a suitable background. It was however a good attempt and you will get better as you gain experience. I will say this-from a usual persons view, a tree is perceived as wise and selfless. So while some may adjust well to your view of a tree as more human-like, some may not be too adaptive. I however liked your perspective and I once again applaud you.

Now will you be kind to read my poem and review it?

Hello.
Okay for the review, this was not what I expected, I expected a real poem. First of all when you tell me to think of a tree as a narrator I expect it to be an aged, intelligent and experienced voice but all I see here are wails of a young voice. You see that is a point most of us ignore, you have to keep in mind what image is created in the mind of a reader when he first thinks of my narrator, and if it's not what you wanna show then don't let me think on my own, direct me.
Then the next problem was that there was no definite structure visible to me. All I saw were random ideas flow here and there creating chaos. You know, just using some tangy hearing words in a randomly flowing set of sentences is not poetry. So try making every word count when you write and have a sequence of the flow.
Having said this, I don't think it is any consolation that some ideas, some lines I found to be good but you didn't let them matter. But this is how you learn, try to write the same thing over and over again until you surprise yourself by its goodness. This, here was evidently the first draft of the poem; and believe me NEVER (I've capitalized it.) post your first draft anywhere because if you do, you are spoiling yourself as a writer letting others correct you. Do it yourself! Believe in yourself! Give out some time. Rock!

Hey. Welcome to YWS!
This is one superb poem. Love the way you have written it based on a tree's perspective. That was awesome.
Found a number of mistakes. Let me pinpoint some of them.
"That is all i do, give give, and give."
It would be better as,
"That is all I do, give, give, and give."
It totally changes the sound and makes it better when reading.
Noted article 'the' was missing.
"But I am afraid I may be last of my kind."
All in all, nice start! Great ending.
Wish you all the best in YWS!
Oh, and keep writing. I hope I'll read much of your work, soon.