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139,521 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Hannah: This would be Rachel, the sister, speaking. I appreciate your review and I'd like to let you know that this was actually my first time writing anything. I felt proud of it and asked if I could post it. I'm also appreciative that you took the time to even let me know how to better myself in the writing field. I have no intentions of writing as a career, or even a hobby. This was just an English class assignment that I just so happened to like enough to post. Your criticism will be taken to heart for future assignments and maybe it'd get me an even better grade. Thank you kindly, and as my sister said, have a good day.
Very nice! I like all the rhetorical questioning at the beginning, it got me involved in the piece. I do suggest that you go a bit more in depth, I feel like there is more to say, and some of it is a bit cliche'. I think if you dig a little deeper you could discover something eye-opening and wonderful. Overall good job!
Did you discover something while you were writing this poem? Did you come to an end point that felt for you like you fulfilled something for yourself? I feel like this is the starting point of a journey. You've come to your first theory, and just left us at that point.
To me, then, this feels like prewriting. This feels like working through questions that lots of other people have had. The only thing that feels you is when you feel like you've discovered your opinion. I am much more interested in what happens after you discover this opinion. What does this mean for your life? What does this mean for the way you'll see other people? What does this mean you have to do or you've done wrong or done write? What advice can you give to others to overcome the simple, complicated thing?
Naming opposites and saying "maybe courage is this" seems very, very simple. It evokes nothing in the reader, and so I feel like your first stanza is pointless in its current form.
I would LIKE to see these questions answered, instead. Or at least theorized about. Like, with your discovery -- to do what's right no matter what -- does that mean we have to discover it, or can we be born with it? Can our parents teach it to us, or if we don't know it right away, will we never have it? Questions are good. You should be asking questions, but I can ask and answer questions all by myself. I want to hear something I can't do: a description of your theory, how you think this will play out.
I hope this makes sense to you, and I hope you know I appreciate that you've written at all, that you're asking these questions, and thinking. I love your effort and your strength. PM me or wall post me with any questions or comments about the review! Good luck~
Well Miss Hannah, I would like to point out that you should not be criticizing my sister when you apparently cannot even write your review 'write'. *second paragraph, second-to-last sentence* I would also like to point out that some of the best poetry/writing in general has been quite simple in itself. And who are you to judge over questions. We ask ourselves questions everyday, and I for one, appreciate that others think about these questions as well. I'll have you know that there are many in this world who lack the brains and common sense to do or think of something as simply wonderful as asking a question and pondering over it. I know many people who wouldn't give a rat's behind about something as intriguing as what my sister has painstakingly written. I'll also have you know that ripping apart someone's piece is awful to even think about. The courage that it takes someone to do such a thing is noble in itself, and I think that it deserves no such criticism. I know very much what it's like to have something ripped apart right in front of me. I'm sure you don't like the feeling either. While my sister didn't feel the same way I did, I assure you that the feelings from before returned to me ten-fold while reading your review. I took no such pleasure in this, though it was meant to be taken constructively. I've been very much hurt and I feel that you should know my strongest opinion on the matter. Thank you very much for your comments, and I know you meant no harm to them (or at least I would hope you didn't). However, I take much pride in my sister and her work and found your review to be quite offensive. Chew me out all you like. Frankly, I won't give a rat's behind either. Thank you very much and have a good day. And if nothing else than for the fact that my sister had nothing to do with this reply, please oblige to the fact that I would love it if you were to never review anything of hers ever again, as I would simply ignore it. Again, thank you very much. Good day.
My sister, Rachel, wrote this piece. All credit goes to her. I just lent her my YWS profile to submit it.
Hope you all like it. I know I do! <3
Awesome post. Love the poem. XD