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​Chicken Soup?

by Josie24


Prompt: The demon stands amid your destroyed kitchen screaming, “How? How were you able to summon me?!” You’re standing in the corner flipping through your grandma’s cookbook as fast as you can, screaming back, “I don’t know!! You were supposed to be chicken soup!”

It could be that I’m bad at cooking, or it could be that the cookbook was really a potion book in disguise, but either way, I just summoned a fucking demon.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

“Would you like some coffee?” I politely offer to the demon I was just screaming at, trying not to panic as I flip through the cookbook and peer down at the pot. The soup is entirely a different color, and there are mystery chunks in my soup that aren't in the picture.

“You don’t understand. I’m a first-tier demon. No one can summon me. Ever. People have tried.”

“Would you like to take a look at the book? I have no idea what I did, have no idea what you just said means, and severely apologise for inconveniencing you.”

He roughly grabbed the book out of my hands and studied it intently, biting his lower lip. “I don’t know either, but I don’t like it.” He twirls his finger, and a chair appears behind him. He sits, and another whirl of his fingers made a cup appear in front of him. Conveniently, a mug also appeared in front of me, and a sip determines it to be tea. Oh my God, seriously?!

When he sees the face I make, he grins. “I prefer tea, but it seems to be an added bonus that you don’t like it.”

Asshole.

A squall brings both of our attentions to the other room. Damn it! “Good gracious, what the ever-loving hell is that?” He says incredulously, as if he had never heard a baby cry. Knowing what he was, he probably hadn’t.

“I’m watching Kathy’s youngest while she takes Amy to ballet. She’ll be back in half an hour, giving me just enough time to make dinner and pick up her other children. But I fucking messed up soup, and I don’t have enough time to call for a pizza, and I have to take the screamer to the bus stop-do you have any fucking idea how hard it was to get her to sleep in the first place?”

He grabs me by the arms. “If you don’t shut up and breathe in five seconds, I’m going to make you. Just go get the damn kids. I’ll call pizza, because you’re paying and I’m eating.”

I blink. “What the fuck? What about the damn baby?”

“Forget about the damn baby.” He smirks then snaps his fingers menacingly. The wailing that had been going on for the entire conversation died off suddenly.

Oh no,” I moaned, thinking about how mad Kathy will be with me if she finds out what ever the fuck this guy did to her ball of torture. “What did you do?”

Stretching like a cat, he popped the kinks out of his shoulders. Would have been kinda cute, but for the pop. Gross. Not to mention he’s a demon, you fool! “Chill out, she’s fine. SHe’ll just be out of it for a few hours.”

“Great, thanks. Guess I’ll be going now. The number to the pizza place is on the fridge. Courtesy of Kathy.” Grabbing my coat, I chance a kiss on his cheek. “I’m Caroline, by the way.”

Flouncing out, I don’t see the blush spreading on his cheeks, or his hand reaching up to touch his face where my lips had touched, but I do hear him call out, “I’m Zach.”

The blush transfers over to my cheeks. I think I have a- God forbid it, I’m not in high school anymore-crush. Guess I’m gonna have to make chicken soup more often.


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251 Reviews


Points: 2150
Reviews: 251

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Mon Feb 24, 2020 2:47 am
Horisun wrote a review...



Ok, this is amazing. I love this, this is absolutely hilarious.
She summoned a demon while trying to make soup, that is incredible.
This short story(?) is really well written and the premise, my goodness, the premise is amazing. I love the dialogue, and really enjoyed their interactions. I also cannot get over that this demons name is Zach. Fricking Zach. This demons name is ZACH!
Sorry, it's just so ridiculously amazing, lol.
The fact that Caroline seems so chill considered she just summoned a literal demon just adds to the ridiculousness of it all.
One thing I want to note is that she has A CRUSH on a DEMON she just ACCIDENTLY SUMMONED who she's known for about FIVE MINUTES. Makes me think accidently summoning a demon is pretty normal in this world.
One critique I have is to add a little more detail to Zachs appearance. It would really flesh out the narrative.
Anyway, that's all from me! This was really enjoyable, and I hope to see more from you soon!




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36 Reviews


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Reviews: 36

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Sat Feb 15, 2020 11:01 pm
HGsomeone wrote a review...



A hoy hoy,

This story was really good. It’s funny, and I like funny and sometimes I feel like we don’t see enough funny stories around in the world anymore. Cough cough- i also write funny if you wanted to check that out- cough cough, (sorry, please excuse that improper snippet of self-advertisement that somehow snuck in here). Anyway, without further ado here are some general comments;

First, this story was short which then obviously leads to a problem that it is difficult to avoid when you have a piece of this length; the pacing becomes rushed. A lot of information is conveyed very quickly and it is somewhat overwhelming, as well as the very fast progression from Caroline and Zach yelling at each other in confusion to a small budding ‘romance’. Is it possible that you could lengthen the story? I’m all for flash fiction but something with a premise as strong as this would be infinitely helped by having a longer story that helps cover the entire concept as well as spacing out the possibility of romance to a much more realistic pace.

Second, though I have already mentioned that there is a lot of information crammed into this there is one aspect which I feel was left untouched. The book. How do you disguise the instructions for summoning a demon as a recipie for chicken soup? Where did she find the book? Why would her grandmother have this book in the first place? The questions...
I suggest adding an extra paragraph or two whilst they’re looking at the book, maybe a bit of description or a quick rundown of possible doubts Caroline had while making the soup, (eg. this involves a lot more chanting then I remember any other recipie having).

And that about wraps it up from me. Before I go though, I’d just like to add that my favourite part was definitely when she asked Zach if he’d like a coffee. The timing and situation was perfect.
Keep writing because this was really entertaining despite being so short.
Have a nice day!

- H.G




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13 Reviews


Points: 74
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Sat Feb 15, 2020 12:18 pm
Tere5350 wrote a review...



Hi!

So first off, LOL. This is incredibly funny in a weird way because...well imagine it, summoning a demon while trying to cook chicken soup :). It is not what you read about every day.

About the story as a whole, I have to say the humor in the first part got me. I didn't how she did it, but the female character was quite calm during it all. The heck, she even offered it coffee! I knew I would be out cold by now if the same thing happened to me. She is a brave soul, that one.

Onto another thing, is this part of a story or novel? Because I feel like I am missing on some information. I mean what is with the cook book in the first place? Furthermore, things escalated quite quickly after the kiss on the cheek. One moment the demon was bossing her around and the next moment, she kissed him. Ok, I get it she is a brave girl, but isn't that a bit too fast. It is a demon for heavens sake, and even if he is hot, he's still a freaking demon.

Overall, I love the humor, but I just thought it was a bit fast. Sorry if my review offend you in anyway. But still, I think you did a good job.

Ok...enough with my rambling :)

Have a nice day and Keep up the good work!
Tere.





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