Young Writers Society

Hi there! This is the first time I'm writing a review from my tablet so I apologize for any auto correct errors in advance.

Okay, so this poem has great potential. Like nightowl said, there are some nice images in this, but you could definitely expand upon them. For example:

"I see the lighthouse gleaming
The moon shining"
*first of all, you probably want to put a comma or semicolon after the first line. I think it will flow better. And then you can focus on these images. Take a few moments to really explain them. Tell us how the light from the lighthouse blinds you each time it comes around and how the moon creates dancing images in the water infringement of you. Get us to really think about this.

And those next two lines: "and the boats honking/and the ocean streaming"; maybe you could liken the boats to a chorus of cabs in New York City or the cars on the interstate. Try and throw some similes or metaphors in there to shake some things up.

I didn't see any spelling or grammar mistakes so good job with that. I would like to focus on your rhyme scheme now. It's pretty decent; very simple and just getting the point across. Just remember that if you're going to rhyme one part, you must rhyme ALL parts like that. You seem to have a definite rhyme scheme in the second stanza,but not anywhere else.

"There I was inthe boat
lay down on the floor
which I heard a goat
and then the wind slammed the door."
*okay, this stanza is really jumpy. It's like, I was on a boat, on the floor, oh look a goat, BAM wind. See? It's kind of jumbled all together and doesn't make much sense. I say go back and read over it and find some way that you could use different words or maybe a different idea.
*what I really wanted to point out is the rhyme scheme. I like the simplicity of it and I wish you would have used it throughout the poem. I think you should try it.

Overall this is a good poem. Just go back over it and look at the things I pointed out touch and see if you can change anything.

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

Hi Jorge and welcome to YWS!

Now, you do have some pictures going on, but I think the rhyming is not doing this piece any favors. Are there goats on the Florida Keys? I feel like the second stanza is pretty meh overall. You're supposed to be showing me how awesome the Keys are, and it doesn't. Show me the people you meet, the food you eat, the sand in your toes, the boat racing. I mean, you don't have to do ALL of that, but it helps to be specific.

My family playing in the water
and the sky is getting draker
but nothing is better than
The Florida Keys.

Jorge. This is a nice poem; I picture the Keys the same way (boating, family...). A few mistakes for ex: I think you meant "darker". I'm not too sure about the 2nd stanza on how the goat fits in, but I would love to hear about it. Good rhyming with the ing's and er's. Keep writing. Hurtado