Young Writers Society

Hiya Jordan!

Right so I will just add now that I guess I'm kind of religious, but not with Christianity and I don't know much about Lucifer, however I shall try my best to give you my thoughts on this piece. I guess it's something that can be seen as quite controversial, so I totally commend you for that as it's quite gutsy to put something out there like this. I also think that the ideas you've put forward are interesting to say the least.

I think my main critique about this is how sure you are when you're writing this because the thing is, nobody is sure what has actually happened, and you're sort of writing this like they're 'duuhhh, obvious' when really nobody know. It's definitely important to take these sorts of things with an open mind and be honest about your views, but you can't just state these things happened without your evidence. Rather it's your interpretation of what happened.

Also, I don't really know what this is doing in the literary section as it looks like something that could be put in a place of debate. Considering it's here now, with these sorts of things you always have to remember to give a balanced view, taking into account different people's viewpoints rather than just your own.

The fallen angel. I'm not religious but I still think that the bible can teach us life lessons. For example like the story of Lucifer and Michael- basically how Michael is loyal to his leader (God) and how Lucifer was rebellious and wanted to choose his own path in life and did the choices he wanted despite the outcome. We humans represent Lucifer because we like to look at ourselves as rebels and like to do things our way no matter what others say. That's what Lucifer did because he wanted to be seen as someone that took a stand for what he believed in. I'm not saying to worship Lucifer or hate him because I don't even believe God. I'm just saying before you are quick to judge someone make sure you don't represent the thing you fear most....

Helloooo

Going with what BlackNether said, Lucifer's goal was not standing for his beliefs, it was to establish himself as the ultimate power in the universe, already ruled by a perfect ultimate Power. I do see where you're coming from, though; humans like to fancy themselves rebels and above the law.

WHA-?

Real quick review/ comment incoming.

Okay, so first off I'd like to note that I AM religious . . . and I think that you've got your idea of Lucifer wrong. He didn't stand up for what he believed in . . . he tried to break away from what was working and do what he wanted to without leash. Obviously we humans, with our human rights and all, love the idea of being able to do what we want and when . . . but if it doesn't work then the better option should be embraced. He was the guy who broke from what worked, who decided he wanted to do what he wanted to, and step out of line.

That might appeal to some people . . . but when wanton murder and killing is what he wants. . . . It doesn't appeal to me. Control is sometimes what people need. Or a leash. At least. An unnoticed barrier.

Anyway, your grammar in this piece could use a bit of work. When you use the word 'i' you always capitalize it, and words following periods are always capitalized. If you have a word that isn't a noun then its first character shouldn't be capitalized (unless it comes after a period). Also, try to expand on what you say here. Try to be more linear and organized.

Also, if you post this in the SD&D forum you'd do much better (replies wise).

But anyway, you did do a nice job on this piece. You had something in mind when you wrote it, even if I opinionatedly do not agree with it, and did a fine job writing it down! Anyway, I said this would be a really quick comment-review, so there it is! Hope I helped! Good luck! (And keep writing).


~Black~

It did make me think... That is quite a feat, making me think. You accomplished in a few moments what teachers and parents haven't accomplished in years.
But come on, seriously, who feels bad for Lucifer? (not to dis YOU or anything, but who ELSE does...)