Hi everyone. If you have read my story before now, you probably noticed that I had alot of mistakes, so I reformatted my story after some advice and I think personally that it is much better now. Take a look at it. Critiques are great. Thanks!
Chapter 1 - Edgar Guilding
It was a bright and sunny day in Floyterress. The morning birds had awoken Edgar Guilding. A 14 year old dwarf. Edgar got out of bed and went downstairs for his breakfast.
"Good Morning Edgar" said his mother.
Wait, before I continue my name is Ariel, Ariel Tinkleton and I am telling Edgar's story. Edgar, as I describe him is brave,loyal, and a very good friend. If you asked him to describe himself he would say argumentative, dishonest, and lazy. But that is not true. Edgar is a very good friend of mine and we have grown up together. You ask what I am? I am a 14 year old fairy. I like singing, drawing, and I love helping people.
"Good morning mom" Edgar said. "I'm going to meet Ariel over at Flo's alright?"
"Alright hunny be back for lunch."Edgar's mother replied. Edgar quickly went down the street and into the doors to Flo's Cafe.
"There you are, what took you so long?"I said,
" I woke up late, mom didn't set my alarm clock!"Edgar replied.
"That's alright, Look at this add I found in the newspaper this morning" I said to him. Edgar quickly came over to the little round table that Ariel was sitting at and looked at the add.
"Wow Pop Sensation needs a guitarist in their band, I could try out the try - outs are right at Gordy's Recreational Center.
" I know that's why I wanted to show you!" I said. "It says that the try - outs are June 15 to June 24 and June 15Th is tomorrow so if I were you I would go home and practice" I said again. Without another word Edgar flew out of the cafe and down to his house. Well I know what he'll be doing for the rest of the day, I thought to myself.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Er, first of all--you are aware there's a rule on this site that you need to critique two works before you post your own work? If you do that, there's a higher chance other people will look at your work.
Second, format your writing properly. One huge paragraph is difficult to read and is incorrect, anyhow. Start a new paragraph with each new idea, and with each new speaker. For example:
is wrong.
is right.
Have fun editing, and remember to critique two other peoples' works! I'll come back and read this when it's in the proper format.
PS: That is a neat picture you've got going there. Did you draw it yourself?