Jon

I am not sure if this is written for like, a children's story? Like, a sick version.
Because the language used is simple enough to be, so I thought it was.
'The night was old, but I was awake.' With editing, you really could make this appealing to a wider audience, as in, the older reader, because otherwise it just seems too simplistic.
It matches your simple title though.
And Jon was a good name to choose because it seems kind of ambiguous, as well as it being your name apparently JonasGalindo.
Why you have to write about self harm, I don't know.
And I have personally never seen anything as blatant as: [quote]The attention I longed for was finally here. Because I find it a little bit twisted to be honest. At least you gave it an age rating. Just, works like this are really miserable and it kind of annoys me.

Welcome to YWS.
Hope you like it and my review wasn't too harsh.

Wow. This really struck a nerve. You put a creative twist on self harm (not to say that you glamorized it, just added another perspective). The reviews before mine pretty much explained the spelling and grammar errors. This was a very dark piece that left an unsettling taste in my mouth, in a good way.
What did you mean by, "but I was wake and the day's noise was sleeping"? Was it implying that it was long into the night?
The second last line seemed a bit repetitive.
"I laid as the doll with the crying red forearm. She picked me up crying, like my eyes and forearm so similarly shared."
Overall though, I think you got your point across, and I thoroughly enjoyed this piece of work. Great job!

Hey!! BitterRosemary here to give you a review! Let's get started.

First off, this is absolutely gorgeous.-

I love the interesting point of view, one of being used up and tossed aside, but still craving the attention of the one who hurt you. I totally get that. I have felt it more than I probably should have.

What I don't like: That you actually stated "I was playing the part of the little girl(')s doll."
I think it was implied, especially with the title. It made it a bit let magical and flowy. It sort of broke up the poem. Also, lone letter i's are always capitals: I.

I also love the part that said "My left forearm payed (should be paid) the price(,) as it so ironically cried with me."
Personifying your arm as the subject of your pain is creative and powerful. I love it.

Lastly, I love the line "The attention I longed for was finally here."
This is personally connectable for me. I love it because it is so sad and wrenching and painfully honest.

Overall, well done! 7 out of 10!
I look forward to more work from you!

Never stop writing!
BitterRosemary

QuietQuilla desu!

I really like this piece, but be careful of the " girls" there. I feel that you miss a few punctuation marks in the writing; purposely or not.

I loved how you presented the main character as a doll; something that is beautiful. An item many give to their children as a innocent or pure play thing. And that 'play thing,' in my opinion was impure. It did something ugly or terribly selfish to gain something...

the attention.

This was awesome, keep up the good work!!

First of all, I would like to say, welcome to YWS!!:D I hope you find this website exciting and know that everyone here is ready to review your work and are excited to see how you will contribute. To give you a critique, I will say that that was more or less bittersweet. You're comparing yourself to a girl's doll? Crying over the bitter weight of rejection while still holding on to the hopes of attention? And then feeling the joy of finally getting the attention you longed for? This doesn't exactly invite the happiest of atmospheres among readers. That is not a bad thing, but it just reminds us of how we all seek attention sometimes and we don't always receive the amount that we deserve unfortunately. And as much as this was a really good first impression as a new member, I will warn you, that you must keep in mind the flow of your poetry as well as whatever you post in the future. It may seem like a challenging concept at first, but once you get the hang of it, I can guarantee that the flow within a story will come to you as easily as breathing. Good luck!!