Poetry Collection 1.1

Hey! Tiana here for a review. Just a quick disclaimer - by no means am I a poetry expert, but I read a lot and write a lot of poetry and these suggestions are just that, suggestions and overall my opinoin on the piece

Alright I'll start with poem 1; The Mystery of the Ghost

The first poem is very innocent, but well done. You've used repetition in the instances of "Ghastly". The poem flows very nicely and we can really capture the scared emotion that ghosts bring along with them.

A suggestion: more poetic techniques would allow this poem to be much better and stronger. So far, you haven't used any metaphors, personification, similes, or oxymorons. Given the humorous tongue in the poem, you could perhaps compare each thing to an object, a feeling, you could say something like 'the trees waves and bowed in reverence', and this leads to my next suggestion.

I think you should definitely try 'creating the atmosphere' a bit more. As we read the poem, we cannot capture an essence of where, what, who, when, why and how; all we know is that there is a ghost there and it's scary. Try to set the scene, tell us of the surroundings, tell us of the narrator's emotions and actions, etc.

Overall this was a pretty good piece but it is very 'tell-y' and not 'show me' (if you get what I mean) So next time just use more poetic techniques.



Poem number 2: Decisions

This poem was of a much higher standard than the last. You played on the idea of decision-making and how difficult it will be, and how some decisions are so crucial that they can determine the future, I guess.

Positives: I like the repetition of the first and last line. I like the rhymes and how the poem flows very well; meaning we can read it aloud and it will sound aesthetically pleasing.

Cons/Inprovements: The word "long" in the sentence of, long seems like a very forced rhyme. Refer to below.

"Of evil and wrong

It is long"

Also, your layout of poems makes my head hurt. Next time separate them into stanzas so we can read them clearer and easier.

Overall: Great message, but at the moment all of your poems are 'skin-deep'; there is no emotion behind them, no deeper meaning, you need to show us, not tell us. Learn to use metaphors and similes. But this comes with time.


Poem number 3: Sunflower.

This one I liked. You did use the metaphor of a sunflower to dive into confidence. This was good.

Again, separate it into stanzas, and make your lines a bit longer. For example,

" To show

Character…

In the dark "

This could easily be 2 lines and not 3.

Overall: This was a good poem but make it longer and the lines longer, and make sure you use emotive words more.


Poem number 4: Golden

To be honest I didn't like this one too much. I didn't hate it, I just get the impression that all this poem consisted of was looking on the thesaurus to find rhymes to words like "Grass".

I understand that you are trying to convey the message of being superior and being much higher up in the social heirachy by supposedly having everything made out of gold, even himself, but you can improve on this in so many ways.

I do however like the last two lines,

"With Golden Energy

And Golden Might"

for me, this was the highlight of the poem



And lastly, poem number 5: Leader

This one was like a Martin Luther King Jr Inspirational speech... It feels a bit spoken-word-ish, sort of like a prose poem. I'm not sure if I like this very much. Nonetheless!!

The line that says *refer to below* is a bit unnecessary in my opinion, maybe you could remove it?

"And change"

LIke we don't need this bit in it.

Otherwise this is a good poem you conveyed the meaning really well and I really love how your lines are longer.



So that's about it! I can tell you're only 13 and that the expectation wouldn't be too high for you, but you undoubtedly gifted and I believe you've got lots of potential if you read lots more poetry on this site to get a taste of how other people write, then you will be a very successful writer!!

Cheers, and have a lovely day - Tiana

Hey! Shey here for a review.

Firstly, I liked this poem, or poems, I guess. Like, a lot. They were all very creative, some serious, some goofy. It was a nice read.

One thing I have to comment on is the format. Its very repetitive. Everything is on the left, without stanzas. It's poetry! Don't be afraid to change the positions of certain lines to make points. That's what's so awesome about poetry... You can essentially do whatever you want, with the excuse that it's poetry.

Something I really liked was the rhythm of these poems. Most of every poem has a line or two where the rhythm is lost, and everyone just kinda raises their eyebrow at it. This poem had none of those, as far as I could tell. And that is difficult to do. So, bravo!.

Overall, stellar set of poems! I look forward to seeing more works of yours!