Adventures of Sterk
It Happened like this, I was walking down the street, I had my runes at my side starting from Uruz to Sowelu. My life force, a piece of wood, in a pouch in my coat. It was a cold October here in Midgard (human world), And this creature came out and attacked me, He looked almost mummified. His monster name Draugr. His name is Jefferson. I make it my job to know the name of what I'm killing. My name is Sterkur Björn, But you can call me Sterk, My name means Strong Bear. Very effective in a fight when you share names. They can be pretty powerful. Anyway I'm getting off topic. Here's how it went down.
I was walking down Fifth street when I saw Jefferson walking towards me. I immediately pulled out Algiz, creating a magical barrier between me and the Draugr. As the Draugr got closer I struggled to get my runes off the belt. “Screw it” I pulled the dagger out of my sock. Yes, from my sock get over it, can i continue now? Anyway, I pulled it out as the Draugr was 3 feet away. “What is your name?” I asked him.
“Jefferson, The Almighty. I am here to slay you.” Now I am used to this, being who I am. But something felt different about this.
“Who sent you?” He grinned so I got a good look at his decaying teeth. “It won't matter who sent me, I will slay you!” “ok dude you asked for it,” With a flick of my wrist I killed the Daugr. His body turned to dust as my Celestial Bronze Knife hit him, and with that Jefferson was gone. Celestial Bronze is deadly to monsters They turn into dust, they aren't dead they disappear to a place called Ginnungagap. No one noticed what had happened due to the glamor hiding the Norse world. They probably never even saw the Draugar or anything in its place.
I whistled my way Past where Jefferson used to stand, wondering who had sent him. People were always trying to kill me, So i'm kinda used to saving my own life. It's been 5 years, by the way I'm 15 years old. Anyway, I walked past the remains of Jefferson, and took the clothes that remained. Nobody paid me any attention. I went to the Bathroom to try them on. Sure they were a little dusty but there's nothing a Hand dryer can fix. A black sweater with a brown overcoat, And black pants. “Nice dressings for a dead guy.” i looked in the mirror, “Damn I look Good!” I said as I Did some poses in the mirror, Shut up, we all do it! I got a few looks for some girl, But I didn't really Care. I looked good, and nothing could stop me. I walked home.
I live on my own in a small apartment, on top of a Chinese food place Called Kung Food. Lame name but they gave me a place to sleep so they aren't so bad. Mom and Dad died a few years back. The Cops said that they died in a car accident but i still don't believe it. I believe their death was supernatural. Things are always going on around me, like the time there was a snake in my bed, or the time I wandered into a bears den looking for my old friend, who happened to be dead at that point in time, don't ask me how, but I've always been able to see their spirit. Anyway don't know why you had to drag me off topic Again. My Apartment has one bedroom, one bathroom, a kitchen and a room to watch TV. “I'm home” I told the people who work at Kung food. I don't know how they make Chinese food when they are all Americans but it works. I guess They all said hello to me. Steve the cook gave me all the leftovers he could give, to me, and I went upstairs to eat.
I opened up my Kung food leftovers tonight for dinner. Some fried rice, plain rice and Chicken with ewww is that broccoli, oh well, beggars can't be choosers. I on the floor cause i couldn't afford a table and ate my food in peace and quiet. Then there was a knock on my door.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi!
First Impression: Well this seems like a fairly standard story here. Its certainly doing a decent job getting our attention and this dude seems to be a decently interesting character so that's also a good thing. Well let's see.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay, pretty decent way to start a story, lays out what is about to happen pretty well, the little bit of backstory with that name and all flow fairly well through all of this, the monster introduction too gives the whole thing that extra dimension of detail which is also fun to see so pretty good start to the story.
Well that was quite a fight that you got there. A little too fast paced I felt because the start was kind of fun but then all of sudden boom the fight is over. The little bit of a chat that he had with the monster was fun to see, there was some fairly decent hints there at some mysterious stuff too which was also fun.
Well...looting from the dead, now that's an interesting move but I suppose this Jefferson dude isn't going to need it. The random mentions of the bathroom just like boom is a little weird, I would prefer to see a mention of a house first.
Well that sounds like our standard amount of tragedy for a superhero but things looks fairly decent, and I think I've been interested enough from this to read a part two if it was published so yeah, that's that.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this seems like a pretty good story, and I would probably read more of it. The monster fight, although a little wonky in pacing seemed fairly decent as well which helps. Anyway that's all I gotta say.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi! Firstly, this is a really interesting and hooky first chapter.
However, there are a few tips I would like to suggest:
1- You need to start a new paragraph when you introduce a new character or when someone else speaks.
2- Sometimes, when you write action and then start talking about the backstory or things about the world, start a new paragraph. But I think it is okay if the information is less and doesn't deserve a whole paragraph.
Also, there are some spelling mistakes like "broccoli". I use spelling editor like Grammarly which immediately tells if I have made a spelling mistake. Trust me, it's amazing.
I would also suggest revealing who is on the door and then ending the chapter. That will leave the reader in mystery.
Things I loved:
1- I really liked the name Kung Food.
2- The protagonist is casual and has a "get over it" attitude lol.
3- I like action/ adventure/ mythology. So it was a wonderful read.
Thanks