???It all stated When I came out That I was gay. I was glad that I came out, I felt good about myself and then when my dad found out it was bad.I hated myself because The kid that I liked made school hell for me I wish I would die, but the I have my closet friend that tells me to keep moving. I felt like I hade no purpose to be on earth. The reason I came out was that my best friend said she would come out too. She did not I felt so bad about that I was made about it. I was made fun of alot it still happens to me when I walk down the halls. This one time the kids walked right past me and knocked me right down no one helped me get up. I would cry my self asleep everynight. Then started to cut myself and then my mom read all my message on facebook and then she yelled at me. I would starve my self because I would not fit in. The fist time that I cut myself was when I was 10 years old I was depressed because my life was horrible. When you come out it is not a fun time then you adjust over time to it???. I would tell my self not to give u all the time I never did give up.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
Hmm a lot of errors to go over, lets get started!
In many places, you have capital letters in random places where they shouldn't be. That wrong. In other places you have spacing fails which should also be corrected. A lot is two words not one. You wrote "...alot..." Also you don't not need three question marks. Only one is needed. "Uall"? Come one now, I believe you meant, "...up at all..." Made is wrong. It is spelled "Mad". You meant "First" not "Fist" Also there are many, many, MANY, grammar mistakes all around here.
Needs lots of improvement, I shall tell you that.
~Dark
Hello there, I realise you're new, so I promise not be too harsh.
First off, I'm struggling not to become too involved in an ethical and moral debate, so I'll try to stick to the literary side of this piece. Firstly, I recognise those triple exclamation marks: the 'unrecognised punctuation mark of doom', so I won't criticise that. However, I am seeing a lot of capital letters when they shouldn't be there, and there were many spelling and grammatical errors, such as:
"She did not I felt so bad about that I was made about it."
It should be: "She did not. I felt so bad about this that I was mad about it.
I'm not going to point all the errors out, because, not being harsh, it would take me a while. As for the story, it is dramatic, and the fact that it is real life certainly makes the reader very emotional. However, the way you have set out the story makes it sound repetitive and the reader will lose interest quickly when set out like that.
Writing realistic stories, I find, is one of the hardest things to write. But, you certainly have put your message across, albeit in a very blunt and bland way. As for how you feel, you should probably find somebody to talk to, be it a friend or a teacher or someone, if you really want to, drop me a message, I don't mind!
I hope you start to feel better and deliver some quality works for YWS!
Regards
DNX