Published June 20, 2012
Chapter 5 Ichabad flew across Master’s chamber. But only because Master had just chucked him like a useless ragdoll. Ichabad slammed into the wall with a loud crack, bouncing off and down onto the floor. He struggled to his feet and whimpered when he discovered his left wing would not move.
He looked beseechingly to his master. “Master, what have I done wrong? I’ve done everything you asked.”
Indeed, he was certain he’d flawlessly executed Master’s plan. Kidnapping the seven humans, he’d taken them to an open area of forest, per Master’s instructions. There, Yeshmuel would surely find them, and Master’s legions would begin moving in for the kill. In fact, the legions were at this very moment setting up a wide net around the humans. There would be no escape. The only thing holding the shedim back now was their wait for Yeshmuel, who had not revealed himself thus far.
“The boy,” Master’s breath blew across the room with enough angry force to throw Ichabad back against the wall. “Why did you bring the boy?”
“He…uh…well, you see…he was the first one to appear. He was quite bold. Bold and unruly in spirit.”
“He’s bold in the ways of Yeshmuel, you fool. You couldn’t have chosen a worse candidate.”
“Forgive me, Master, I did not know! I had only your best interests at heart.”
“Don’t you realize, the boy is dangerous! He is pure and upright. PURE and UPRIGHT!”
Ichabad was frozen stiff by Master’s outrage.
Master thoughtfully tapped a claw on the stony floor, and Ichabad knew Master was now deciding his fate.
“Don’t worry, Ichabad, I won’t kill you,” said Master softly.
Ichabad sighed, relief relaxing his muscles.
“Though it makes no difference. The outcome will be quite the same.”
Ichabad’s heart suddenly thumped so hard that his body moved with the thump. His heart pumped harder, faster and faster. Could his master really be considering…?
“As punishment for your impudence, I’m sending you back to the lower realms.”
Pumppumppumppumppumppumppumppumppumppumppumppumppumppumppump.
No, it couldn’t be!
“No, I’ll rectify my mistake!” Ichabad screeched. “I’ll kill the boy! I’ll kill him at once!”
The thought of the lower realms was enough to bring Ichabad to suicide; yet death would usher him there as well. It was his soul’s eternal home, a place far more torturous than the sweltering environment here above. The shedim’s spirits were predestined for Sheol, aka the lower realms, by the will of Yeshmuel. But Master also held the power to send them there, if he so wished. Anyone who displeased Master and aroused his wrath was often thrown down to the worst parts of Sheol, where they were imprisoned until Master had further use for them or until they were sufficiently chastised.
“If the mistake is to be rectified,” Master boomed, “it will be by me or a more competent servant. Your purpose here is finished.”
“But, Master, I…”
“Good riddance…worthless imp.”
“Master, I beg of you…”
An inescapable force yanked Ichabad back, and his vision of Master receded. The world that he hated – yet loved compared to Sheol – spiraled away and away. Unimaginable hotness seized him. Not hotness from a literal fire, but from searing coldness, emptiness, nothingness. He wondered how anyone could experience such despair and live for one second, let alone centuries, as his case would probably be. He shrieked until his lungs were close to bursting.
Here there was no love or joy whatsoever. Just unadulterated evil. Typically, there was love and joy even with evil, for evil loved itself and found joy through its wicked thoughts and deeds. But here, not even evil could love or enjoy itself. It only wallowed in its self-inflicted agony.
Ichabad saw nothing but blackness, which only heightened his pain and isolation. He screamed as he dropped down and down, from the highest level of Sheol to the lowest.
Lower and lower… into sorrow upon sorrow.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hey there, Jitt. Ita here to review. I apologize, I haven't read the chapters leading up to this, so please keep in mind there might be some things that will be a mistake.
Nevertheless, I begin.
Right from the start, I'd have something to say. 'Chapter 5' should be above the actual piece, not some distance away from the text. That way you make things less confusing.
Good start. It draws the eye. However, there are some things I should point out.
To make things clearer, you should make this one sentence, like so: Ichabad flew across Master’s chamber, but only because Master had just chucked him like a useless rag doll. (note that 'rag doll' are two words. At best you could insert a dash).
I take Ichabad is some sort of a demon, however, hitting a wall would probably crack the skull of many a mighty creature.
O.o Who is this Master that has such a mighty breath? A wind spirit? Or is Ichabad really, reeeally small? xD Logistic flaw, there. Grammatically, there should be a period instead of a comma after "The boy".
I don't know much about this novel, but usually the two virtues you listed aren't much good against ruthless soldiers, if you see what I mean. xD
You could, of course, always use some pronouns to substitute 'Master'.
Overall, this piece is fairly short, more of an interim chapter, and could just as well be incorporated into another chapter. Secondly, there's no description whatsoever in this. It could be fleshed out and so forth.
Keep it up!
Hope this helped,
~Ita
#TeamRed