Young Writers Society

Hey there. I don't think we've met yet. It's nice to meet you!

I really like this. It's very out there and blunt. It's nice to have the truth revealed in sharpish words sometimes. If that makes sense.

While this is quite good, there is still room for improvement. Your use of enjambment is a little too much for me, to be honest, and I think you should break up the lines a little differently (I'll get more specific in a minute). Also, you could create stronger images if you delete and or change a few words (which I'm also going to address).

First, let's look at the line breaks.

The girl I fucked last night wrote me
an email

stuck inside, thousands of spent
words,

and in its body was a poem fused
together by bad dreams.

She
said the stories I told her got

thousands of spent
words, but only a few that mattered
made it,

thing about the whole affair: that
I never said a damn thing.

I'd really like to see a better flow in this poem. A reader is more likely to keep reading and understand the piece better if it has a constant rhythm they can follow through out. You split up some of the sentences at places where they begin, etc.
I'd also like more passion coming from this, it left me dull. You could have gone into the story more, mentioning the how raw the silence was, about what happened with the girl, more of your aspects on the situation, as well as the girls aspects of the situation.
You should also use more describing words to make the scenario have a bit of charm, indulge the reader more, and have passion leaking out the seams.

Omzy!

Ok, so. I can't remember how to review, so instead you get review vomit from me. I don't like the specificity of "an email." I do, however, really like how "people still do that" is set off as an aside. Like, I think I understand why you were specific, but I just don't like it. So, call me contrary

I love "and in its... got/stuck inside" - that bit is great. But, after that it's just off, until you hit "and I remember..." Then it's much better - it doesn't quite jive for me, but it's also not as off as the bits directly above it. I'm actually not entirely convinced you need those lines I'm whining about - er, the ones in the middle. It feels like words you shoved in to make the poem longer than it wanted to be - so the extra words and their rhythm don't want to play nicely with everything else.

Otherwise! Oh, Omzy. I love things you write.

The whole thing is very raw. I'm in love with how I get such a strong feeling from such a short entry. I am a little confused about what actually happened though. Maybe, it would be beneficial to tell you what I got from it so you know if you're getting the story across the way you want it to.

The girl, sent you an email. In it she spoke of things that happened during the night you spent with her. She wrote you a poem, or possibly just her describing her dreams to you seemed like a poem. She told you about things you said and stories you told her, and you either, don't remember saying these things because they didn't seem like they'd affect her like they did... or that you literally said nothing, and she had been talking to someone completely different. Or maybe you yourself were someone completely different "last night". I'm not going to go into the last line, because whatever it means, it's perfect.

Kudos.