Published June 15, 2008
I'm staring at you through a one way window
I see you but you don't see me
I am in love with you
But you don't even know my name
If only there were some way that you could see
Who I am
If I could break this glass
Then you could see me
If I could break this glass
Then you would know my name
To bad I am to afraid
I am afraid that the glass will shatter
Into my heart
There is another way that is callling my name
But I am to blind to see it
You are in love with me
But I dont even know your name
If only there were some way that you could see
Who I am
If I could turn arround
Then I could see you
If I could turn arround
Then i would know your name
To bad I am to afraid
I am afraid that what I have heard
Will dissapear
Bridge: Where do I run
To the love that feals real
Where should I run
To the love that is real
How do I know which is which
Follow your heart and trust in God
If I could break this glass
Then you could see me
If I could break this glass
Then you would know my name
To bad I am to afraid
I am afraid that the glass will shatter
Into my heart
If I could turn arround
Then I could see you
If I could turn arround
Then i would know your name
To bad I am to afraid
I am afraid that what I have heard
Will dissapear
If I could break this glass
Then I could see you
If I could turn arround
Then i would know your name
To bad I am to afraid
I am afraid that the glass will shatter
Then dissapear
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I was confused about the theme also. I think if it is about God, then you should scatter more hints throughout BEFORE coming to the bridge. Right now, the bridge is just too awkward which turned me off...
The phrasing and wording, I must admit, is crossing into cliche. You have too many "I"s and "And"s and stuff like that to make a real impact. What I suggest is that you strip the lyrics down to the bare necessities, take a good long look at them and then sprinkle on ONLY what is needed.
You have a very neat idea. I like the thought of glass shards in your heart. But the way that you present it makes it cliche. My advice? Google Emmy Rossum's "Don't Stop Now" lyrics and read the words. She is a writer of poetry, so she knew how to songwrite for her debut.
i don't know what the others are talking about. I think it works great as a song. i had a bit of a tune in my head as i read it, and that doesn't happen with lyrics that work as poems rather than songs. So.
I really liked this. how long did it take you to write it? and... i was just a little confused about the overall theme. Is it God, or the mystery person, or the glass?
Pixielit
This was a little choppy to me.
My opinion is that it would make a better poem than a song. When it is spoken, it seems to fit together better than if it were sung. I've tried a lot of different tunes to sing it with but I can't seem to find something that'll fit together.
The message in the lyrics is really good, though. Although, the ending confuses me a little bit. I'm not quite sure what "Then disappear" would be related to.. Maybe, being seen by the person..? I'm don't know, but that's just something that left me wondering. ^^;
I agree.... even though I thought this was enjoyable to read, I believe that this will make a better poem than a song. To me, the person in this song sounds like a stocker instead of a unknown lover to me. And yes, like the others pointed out there are grammar mistakes, but that can be easily fixed. Anyway good luck and best wishes! Peace
niteowl pointed out the spelling and grammar mistakes, which means I can focus on the actual song.
Just a question to start off with, is this your first song? It sounded like a first song to me because I've found that a first song usually doesn't have a tune or rhythm, and I'm sorry to say, but this song didn't seem to have it, because if it did, it would have come trough.
S now I'd like to ask, were you writing with a tune in mind, or were you just writing random words down? I really can't get a beat out of this, and I can usually get something, even if it's not a very good one. Take this bit for instance:
This would work as a poem, but not as a song. There's no tune, no bet to it. None of this song even seems to rhyme.
I like what you're saying in the song, and if you re-write itwith the advice I've given you, I'd be happy to look over it again, but right now I'd just be repeating myself.
Good luck!
I really liked the song, but your grammar and spelling distracted me. The most frequent was "to" instead of "too". "Too" is used to imply having something in excess, like "Too blind to see it", "Too bad I am too afraid", etc. Secondly, around only has one r and dissapear should be disappear.
It sounds a bit nit-picky, but presentation is important, especially when you're reading the lyrics, not hearing them. Good job on the song, though! Keep writing!