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E - Everyone

(Insert Name Here)

by JessicaMoon


There once was a town named GreyVille, and, as you can probably guess, the people there were grey. Colors did not even exist in the common man’s dictionary, including colors like: bright greens, vivacious violets, burdensome blues, or even courageous reds. They were simply grey, void of all feelings.

Now, in GreyVille, no one was accepted if they had even the tint of color to their skin. If they inherited the slightest shade of any color, they would be considered unclean, alien, and even rebellious to Mother Nature herself, and any kind of rebellion was tolerated in this town. But, in all honesty, the officials there were simply scared of the Colorfuls because they had something that the Greys did not.

So, the Colorfuls were sent to a town just nearby, which, come to think of it, wasn’t really a town at all. It was a freak show.

The people lived in their own, small, Stuck-O, grey houses alone because why should they talk to others when, keeping to themselves might prevent further pain, or separation. Here in whatever-you-want-to-call-it, silence thrived, creating it’s own kind of monster. It roamed in the streets where the Colorfuls should have been.

There was, though, one little girl who just would not allow her life to be controlled by selfish people. She -her name being unpronounceable in our poorly constructed language of English- thought that the silence wasn’t a very good friend at all. How could anyone be a good friend if you couldn’t talk them? Her skin was a colorful red which caught the eye of anyone remotely dangerous, her hair was the faintest of yellows, and her lips were the blue of a crisp evening night. The little girl was beautiful, yet no one seemed to notice her.

This was when she made her decision, a choice to go into GreyVille at only age thirteen. A brave little one she was to stand up to all those void people; it was frowned upon to go into GreyVille alone because, without emotions, people had no morals. They were dangerous. At first, she was so scared that her skin began to fade to violet, but then, she realized something. The little girl realized that, if the people had nothing inside of them, then there was nothing to be afraid of.

This is how she began her adventure:

The little girl simply touched the arm of everyone she passed by. Every time she lifter her tiny, fragile fingers, a stain of color was left behind. Well, to be precise, the color that the individual would show, if they could show any amount of color. When the individual was fully formed, they would bump into other people and share their color just as the little girl did.

And do the Color Epidemic began.

(The records show the epidemic went on for a little over four months.)

At the end of those long months, everything changed. The sun showed its yellow-orange beams, and the clouds erupted and sprayed down blue droplets of rain. When the sun set each night, it turned the sky a beautiful red.

As you may begin to become bored with this well, repetetive and largely predictable story, I must inform you that the little girl was written down in the town’s history books. Not as a hero, but as a missing person. For, finally, when all was said and done, the girl had used all of her color.

She. . .

was grey


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9 Reviews


Points: 388
Reviews: 9

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Thu Sep 01, 2016 8:03 am
serendipitous says...



Hey:)
I liked this vey much, the storyline and everything, but what I felt is that there was just a little dragging in the beginning. And... I donno, can a red girl with blue lips be really that pretty ? I think you could change the color of her skin to a lighter shade of lilac... or something like that. But again, the story is yours and so are the characters, you can have them as you want. *shrugging*
I understand that giving her a bright red color, meant filling her with imense power and bravery and love, which the other people seemed to be missing, but I'd still suggest you think aboug the color of her skin.
You could add more details to how she changed the people in Greyville, what things she had to go through? She made any sacrifices ? Was it panful ? Or was it easy? How was she treated when she first entered GreyVille... and.. you know.
Add the necessary details that should be given to the reader, so you piece doesn't just remain a fable in their head.




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7 Reviews


Points: 54
Reviews: 7

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Tue Aug 30, 2016 8:54 pm
Bluegirl135 wrote a review...



Hi,
I really loved this story, you definitely used your imagination. The story line was very interesting, however, at first it did drag on a little. Also, I loved the little twist at the end. You also used fantastically poetic words to describe. I also really liked it because it was different, it is a very bold story.

Anyway, as a little bit of improvement, you could maybe describe how she was treated when she got to Greyville. Maybe you could describe more along those lines of what people did, or how they reacted to her being there. As well, maybe you could've added in how she felt about doing these things.

Lastly, I think you are a great writer with a lot of potential and would love to seem more. :D -Jade xoxo




User avatar
9 Reviews


Points: 388
Reviews: 9

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Sun Aug 28, 2016 3:38 am
serendipitous wrote a review...



Hey:)
I liked this vey much, the storyline and everything, but what I felt is that there was just a little dragging in the beginning. And... I donno, can a red girl with blue lips be really that pretty ? I think you could change the color of her skin to a lighter shade of lilac... or something like that. But again, the story is yours and so are the characters, you can have them as you want. *shrugging*
I understand that giving her a bright red color, meant filling her with imense power and bravery and love, which the other people seemed to be missing, but I'd still suggest you think aboug the color of her skin.
You could add more details to how she changed the people in Greyville, what things she had to go through? She made any sacrifices ? Was it panful ? Or was it easy? How was she treated when she first entered GreyVille... and.. you know.
Add the necessary details that should be given to the reader, so you piece doesn't just remain a fable in their head.




JessicaMoon says...


Hey! Thank you so much for your review, it means a lot to me.
I will admit that the story drags on a little bit. But, there are a couple things I would like to point out and explain further to clear up any confusion.
First, The girl was made these specific colors BECAUSE it is hard to imagine someone being red and blue and still being beautiful. I don't know if you noticed, also, that her colors, in the end, created the rain and the sun and everything that was included in the nature of weather and space.
Second, this story is not supposed to have very much detail. It is written in a way that is strictly poetic. The colors were their emotions. So if you imagined the people she touched as blue, then they were whatever you think blue represents.
You only get out what you put into this story.
So, if you like to imagine and put your own spins onto stories, then this story is for you. But if you don't have very good imagery, then I understand your complaint.
It is a story that should be drawn, not explained. That is the whole point.

I hope that cleared some things up for you!
and thank you for you review!



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213 Reviews


Points: 150
Reviews: 213

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Thu Aug 25, 2016 5:40 pm
dark wrote a review...



Aha, I remember this one. Don't remember why I had you tell it to me though. Was I angry? Was I upset? Or... Maybe I wasn't feeling anything, like ye olde citizens of GreyVille. (I'm leaning towards the last one. T'was such a while ago...)
Reading this again brought a kind of magic to my head. I noticed things now that I didn't notice before (Unless of course they were new additions.) and it made this story all the more enjoyable. Never before had I realized how this child was so... Atoned to the alien environment she was in. She was able to understand that she'd be safe in GreyVille, because no one thier had anything inside of them to hurt her with. Truly empty shells, and she used that to her advantage to help them. It's ingenious

However, (Just a couple things.) I would've like to know how she felt while she was "infecting" people with what she had in her. Did she stick around to see the effects? How was it effecting her mind and body as she used up more of herself on those people? How did she feel once she had lost it all? (Or rather right before she did, because she wouldn't have felt anything by the end, would she?)
Next, one *tiny* little detail that got my attention:

The people lived in their own, small, Stuck-O, grey houses alone because why should they talk to others when, keeping to themselves might prevent further pain, or separation.
Why would they be worried about separation when they've already separated themselves from each other? (Not to mention the Colors.) There's also a little issue with the sentence; I feel like that comma should be placed after "alone" instead of after "When". I'm not too nitpicky, but it's something to be mindful of.

To finally end this, I want to say that reading this again, certainly made me feel something, like double-edge acts of selflessness usually do. This story really does emphasize the cold hard truth... That no good deed, goes unpunished.
As always, I'm hoping to see more from you! You've been doing quite well, child!

~The dark one.





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