The Pain In His Eyes

I really like this! I'm just having trouble understanding what sort of underlying theme you're trying to convey. You go between crying for him and wanting revenge on them, and I feel like they both take away from each other. For example:

I’ve seen his eyes fill to the brim with emotion he shouldn’t be made to feel,
Watched the tears roll down his cheeks,
Staining my heart in the process,
Felt his body shake with the sobs he couldn’t contain,
That kind of emotion is what they should feel,
They deserve it more than he does,
More than he ever will,
He deserves the best life has to offer,
They deserve the very lowest form of punishment life can give,
He deserves the solace of a peaceful home,
While they deserve to have everything they hold dear torn from their grasp,

I feel as though it would be better to rearrange this so that everything about him is in one paragraph and everything about them is in another.

There’s nothing I wouldn’t give to take his pain upon myself,
To watch it fade from his eyes,
But I’ll settle for holding him close to my heart as his pain reaches the boiling point,
As his tears come again I’ll hold him in the safe place next to my heart,
I won’t let go until I see the sun rise in those beautiful eyes,
When the darkness drains from his eyes I’ll see the sun shining in his smile once more.

That last paragraph is really beautiful.

Nice emotion. I would suggest trying to even out your voice a bit in your writing because, as the first reviewer mentioned, this kind of seems to go in between "Oh you jerks I hate you!" and very descriptive, imagery based emotion. The former seems a bit revengey/angsty. The second is what will make your poetry grow much more. Maybe you could try extending your imagery a bit more, looking less at comparisons like darkness draining so you can see the sun shining again, and broadening out into something that we might not have heard before. Make it personal to you and him or maybe even just you. Just... allow bits and pieces of yourself in there, I suppose.

Overall, nice job.

Hey there dove,

Good job. I really like the dark undertones of the poem. There are many different pieces out in the world from the hurting person's perspective, and I like the fact that you showed a new perspective. This really shows that one person's pain is also pain to those who love him. Aside from all that, there's the editing. The flow of the poem is not quite there. I would suggest formatting the stanzas so that they are shorter, and more even. Cleanign up the stanzas will help with the flow. From what I see, the poem is grammaticly up to par. Great job. Oh, and welcome to YWS!

Rarity♦

This is really beautiful. There are not many nitpicks that I can say, but I would just point out that it is a little varied. Some of the lines and beautiful and have good description, such as, "But I'll settle for holding him close to my heart as his pain reaches the boiling point". Others such as, "Make them feel what he feels" are full of less emotion. Do you see the difference? If you could stretch out the emotion from the other line into all of your line, it could make the poem even better. But it was very beautiful. Thank you for putting on here.