Published May 13, 2011
I haven't posted anything for a while because the curse of writers block has taken over. This is my attempt to break free of this curse, so tell me what you think. (Also, if you have any other suggestions of how to get rid of writers block please tell me!!!) <3 Jessa
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If I had a million dollars,
I would give it all to you
so you would disappear from my presence.
I would bribe you to never come near me again
because this immense pain you cause me
eternally makes me feel alone.
You ignite a war within my head.
Clearly, you want to stay,
while I am pushing you to leave.
You draw your sward and thrust it towards me.
When it strikes, I feel the sting.
It throbs,
leaving me to sit helplessly.
As the drops of blood
form small puddles on the floor of my cranium
my expressions become undistinguishable.
All I'm asking is for you to retreat.
Evacuate the scene and return into hiding.
Remove the sheet that is draped over
the right side of my brain
which restricts my creativity from flowing.
I will no longer allow this to be my fate.
I am taking action now.
Action which restricts you from controlling me.
I am using the damage you caused
as my way of shoving you aside.
You have outstayed your visit,
which means,
it is time for you to depart.
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Canary word: Present
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140,130 Literary Works • 673,028 Reviews
Hey jess here to review as promised. I like this piece, though I could tell from the first stanza you were pushing out of writers block, for the words seemed forced, emotionless. I would redo the whole of the first stanza because it didnt read so well. The other stanzas picked up, and flowed a little better. Other than the gramatical mistakes miracles pointed out I dont see any more errors. Hope my suggestions helped for your writers block. Xxx
- Amelia
I liked how you personificated Writer's Block made it seemed like a person and a physical obstruction.
This might just be me, but these two lines sound awkward. I think you should re-word it a litte. Something like 'because this immense pain you cause me, makes me feel eternally alone.' Or something along the lines of that. Eternally just sounds awkward in that place.
Typo here. I think you mean sword.
I would change the 'it' to 'you' here.
I'd make this line into 'making my expressions become undistinguishable'
Okay, I liked how you made this poem into a story, how you introduced a complication and then found a way to solve it. I especially liked the solution because it made the poem seemed complete and finished. So, good job on the poem!
As for solutions for writer's block... Well, I think the best one is keep writing. I think there's a link around here somewhere that has several ways of getting rid of writer's block. But I can't seem to find it now.
Yeah I hate writer block with a passion ,I just got done with writer block I had it for weeks , But any ways the poem is excellent keep writing.