One plus One = Son

Lol. Hi there Jessa...

Very, very original piece you've got here. Though, the start kind of bored me, because I felt like it was the same old thing. XD But I love the rest.And the end, especially, I would've wrote it the exact same way. And the part about being hypocrites, that was just perfect. It show us what life is. Because it always happens. One does one mistake and then go around trying to keep everyone from doing it, too. Lovely work<3

~Solly<3

Hi Jessa !

I thought your poem was very sincere, and heartfelt. Yet at times, I did find the structure and rhyming format very confusing and inconsistent - and I think even just the difference of length in every stanza disrupts the flow of the poem. Your language use was good, and not too complex, yet maybe at times it was too simple. The core of the poem, Jessa, has the potential to become really great and fluent, I just think you need to give it some work and then you'll get there!

All the best!

"One plus One = Son" has a genuine voice in it-as a parent would speak to their child. This sort of thing happens very often, two adults having an unexpected child. Indeed, as you alluded to, it is not a bad thing but often takes the couple off guard and means they are not necessarily expecting the birth.

The use of language is plain, clear and simple. That is definitely a benefit of the poem. It is not too long making the work accessible to the audience.

I feel that this poem however suffers from a bit of vagueness which detracts from your message. For example, there is no use in apologising for 'careless actions' if you as the poet do not quantify the specifics of what these sins really are. Do you see what I mean? The middle stanzas could be a lot more powerful if you exemplified the potential wrongdoings of the family instead of just briefly alluding to future failings. Maybe talk about the fact that the dad won't always be there for the child, the mother drinks/does drugs, there is family violence, abuse or just a lack of parent experience. If you give more detail, it will make the poem stand out and not be just another cliched "We are sorry" piece.

Overall you now have a good base from which to build the poem. Don't worry about punctuation etc until the ideas and diction are properly sorted out. Remember, the most convincing poems are the ones which are realistic. Realism is achieved through connecting to the emotions of the audience, which this poem sort of achieves but could be made a lot stronger by using my advice.

I enjoyed reading it!
Take care, Nomad