A Thought

This is very deep, and very you. It's almost at a personal level. I really liked reading this poem, but I would like to critique a few things. I suggest using more than one stanza, as you change to another thought you should start a new stanza in your poem. Also, you could be more clear on a few things such as the noise, and the echo. Like, what is it, what are you feeling because of it? A good way to do that would be to use symbolism, or maybe even a simile, possibly even a metaphor.

Alrighty, just a few suggestions:
Break this up into two stanzas, it's long enough to be done. If you were to break it up into stanzas I would recoomend breaking into two at the end of "I begin to wonder if there even is a way out"
Also I would take out the ellipse after released in the second to last line. It's not really necessary and the poem works without it. But then again, this is just me.
You did very well with the flow of it, and I don't see any grammatical mistakes.
Good luck and keep writing!
~Kay

Wow, that was a super cool poem! My favorite part was this,''I begin to wonder if there even is a way out'' because it reminds me of how someone feels before something big happens, and so that sentence really makes the reader (me) feel suspense slowly rising..then, with the next few sentences the suspense slowly grows then glides back down into a smooth, calm manner.

Anyway, if that made any since whatsoever...! AWESOMELY EPIC poem!!!!!!!!!!!! ;);)

Hi, Jessa ^-^ Firstly the usage of simple words make the piece have a sense of charm. It's also nice because it sounds like it's coming from a human being, not a robot. Nice, easy flow. Smooth. Nice piece c:

Secondly, it's clear that you have talent and experience. It's clear what you're saying, there aren't any rhymes or riddles to solve or sentences to "interpret" because it's all clear cut from the bone and easy to understand.

Anyhoo, other than that I have to agree with Spinelli. "I like the words. You certainly know how to use them to make sentences which seems to be, surprisingly enough, pretty hard for self-proclaimed "writers."" ^-^ and also, in another quote: "I can only ask of more from you. I mean in quality as much as quantity." Can't say anymore lol

Again, nice piece. Lots of feeling and emotion, and other then that I can't advise you on how to improve it. Sorry for rambling here, anyhoo, keep up the good word, do your best, and post some more c:

A pleasant read, the words sort of like a nice layer of butter, easy to sort through, or like a slip-n-slide, easy to slip and slide across... Anyway.

I like the words. You certainly know how to use them to make sentences which seems to be, surprisingly enough, pretty hard for self-proclaimed "writers." So there's that. And the poem and the images provided by it are clear enough, and my word, I cannot emphasize clarity too much. I commend you on facing an abstract image and bringing it to life. This being said...

I can only ask of more from you. I mean in quality as much as quantity. This poem was all well enough, but I think the image is a little overdone. You've done it well, but stretch this poem OUT. Take your mind and the thoughts/emotions/feelings whirring around in it and compel us and yourself to face something extraordinary from it, whatever that word means to you. This is a start, is what I'm trying to say.

So stretch your images to things that haven't been done before, and do them in the most extraordinary way possibly perceived in your head.

Um. I hope this helps.