Hello Tulip here to give you a review on your chapter. I'll be honest I haven't read any of your other chaoters, but this chapter seemed to be okay to read by itself.
So this remedy a little confusing where dialogue was and we're the narrative was. I'd try to clean it up a little bit. Another thing that I noticed, thst made it a bit harder to read, was that some of the paragraphs seemed muddled and that was more confusing to me than anything. I'd just suggest reading back through them, probably out loud and see where you can make any changes.
So it feels like this chapter is just more background information into the character that is receiving the ride. We learn more about theit past and why they want to do what they have planned.
It would have been nice to see you show the environment around them more. Have the girl or Cat look out the window, and show what they see. It'd add more variety into the story.
Keep on writing,
Tulip
Points: 237
Reviews: 285
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