I stare at Fox and,
He stares at me.
Fox, with bright, bright eye like polished stone
And wet nose, and silken fur, and tiny feet,
And breath that breathes without ever a sound.
My eyes of dusky brown stare curiously; Fox’s with sharp attention, his pointed ears alert to the sound of dogs baying.
My breath goes in and out and in and out and moves the grass before my face; Fox’s silently draws his belly up to his lean body and then down, never does the spider web before his nose quiver.
My hands shake and tremble in the dirt, stirring up the black ants; Fox’s nimble paws can leap like a cat’s and land like a mouse’s, I have seen it before, but yet they are quiet and still now.
My nose is tickled by the grass and I sneeze.
In the moment my eyes were closed Fox disappeared, as if he never was.
I blink again, but he is really gone.
Magic Fox.
I get up, brush the stinging ants and clinging sand, and look for him, but never a mark was there in the dewy grass where his feet pressed. Far off on a hill he looks back at me, I know it, but cannot see him.
I
Wonder if he laughs at me.
Wonder if he wonders back at what he saw.
Wonder if it all was nothing at all.
Fox.
Red Fox.
Magic Fox.
I laugh.
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125,017 Literary Works • 672,852 Reviews
Hey
JennySquirtJenthura.I have to admit, I'm not usually such a big fan of prose-poetry. To me, it feels too much like prose (well, duh) which goes against the grain for me. But, you've done a nice job here. You have a great writing style which I like, although it does seem to get slightly clogged up with unnecessary words. I know it's prose-poetry, but you still want to retain the poem aspect of it. Your imagery is also lovely, so I enjoyed this a lot!
~Amy
Thank June, I actually meant to leave it singular; something I've seen done in English literature, and decided to input here. I agree that it's rather clogged-up around the part where I compare myself to the fox, but take in mind that it's almost my first poem.
Thanks for the review!
Hey, Jenthura!
Prose poetry? Fabulous.
In the third line, when describing the fox's eyes, do you mean eyes, not a singular eye? Keep an eye on minor things like that, dear. It's a good idea to run a manual -- meaning with your own eyes -- spell check before and after you post, just to make sure no mistakes have popped out of their burrows.
I like your description, but you need to make it cleaner. You have here some parts that could really, really work out well, but you need to take a little bit more time and press the pedals a little more. Remove some of the more boring parts of the narrative, parts that tell us the story without more description and you should be better off! The problem with those is that they turn the poem a little more prose-like than the narrative poem that they should be.
Hope that helped,
June